


Dysfunctional

by monims



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, star wars alternative universe - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-06-08 16:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 87,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6864592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monims/pseuds/monims
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in an alternative universe where Vader survives at the end of ROTJ. Leia finds herself face to face with her estranged father, and has to deal with the darker emotions that stirs in her. An unlike Luke, Leia is not very forgiving</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I love Anakin and Leia stories, so decided to write one. I have always wondered what would happen if Vader had survived at the end of the original trilogy so here it goes.

Closing her eyes she tilted head upwards, the cold air brushing a strand of hair into her face. Up there somewhere, was what remained of the second death star. With the emperor dead and his remaining forces scattered, the alliance could finally celebrate their hard won victory. Though she knew this was just the beginning, she could not help but be drawn into the feeling of triumph that seemed to permeate the air in the small village. Opening her eyes she could see bonfires and tourches being lit everywhere, casting the tall trees in flickering shadows. Ewoks where chatting happily amongst themself, some had started to dance. She noticed even a few of the alliance pilots had joined in.

  
On the other side of the small village square she could see Han and Lando talking animatedly. As if sensing her Han glanced up giving her a small smile, she smiled back before looking back up against the sky. Not bothering to close her eyes this time, she felt for Luke's presence. He was alive she knew that, so why was he not back yet? Relief flooded her as she felt his familiar presence in the back of her mind, like he had always been there. And in a way she thought he always had, even before she knew he existed. He was close by now, much closer than before. Concentrating harder, hoping she would be able to sense clues to his location, she suddenly felt another mind brush against hers. Frowning she quickly pulled away from the unfamiliar presence, hoping it had not noticed her.

   
Carefully avoiding stepping on dancing ewoks, she made her way towards the walkway that would lead down to the surface of the moon. Torches lit up a small forest clearing at the base of the walkway, the large trees towering over made it appear much darker than the village above. The flickering torches casting large shadows in all directions. A few alliance member greeted her as she stepped past them, and further towards the depth of the forest. There was something out there in the dark, she just knew it. But what?

  
The buzzing sound of animated chattered stopped abruptly, leaving behind only the sounds of the forest and it's creatures. That's when she heard it, a strange wheezing sound. Right in front of her a large bulky shadow stepped out from between the dark trees, entering the circle of torches. She felt her heart constrict in her chest as light reflected of it's mask, and somewhere behind her she heard someone gasp. Vader it was Vader, frantically she grabbed at her belt for her blaster, belatedly remembering she had left it in the village with rest of her things. Stupid, how could she have been so stupid, letting her guard down even for a brief moment.

  
Suddenly Han was beside her, his own blaster in hand. She had been so focused, she had not realised he had followed.

  
Vader seemed unfazed by this and made his way towards her slowly. As he walked past the light of one of the torches, she could see he had something hoisted over his right shoulder. No, not something, someone. Luke.

  
"No Han, dont shoot, he has Luke!"

  
"What?" Han lowered his blaster slightly, giving her a confused look.

  
Before she had time to react, Vader was only a meter away. The strange wheezing, sounded even stronger now . She realised it was comming from him. Moving slowly and with some effort he lowered himself to his knees, laying Luke gently down on the ground at her feet. Then he collapsed in a large black heap.

  
Rushing forward to she leaned down and felt for Luke's pulse. His heart beat was slow and steady, unconscious but still alive. She looked up and gave Han a brief nod.

  
"What is this? Why would he bring Luke here?" Han walked over to Vader, carefully prodding him with the tip of his boot, holding his blaster ready. There was no movement from Vader, just an irregular wheezing.

  
More people had gathered around them now, murmuring quietly. In the distance she heard someone call out for medical assistance.

  
Keeping her hand protectively on Luke's shoulder, she glanced quickly over at the black shadow at Han's feet and then up to Han's face. He looked puzzled. There had been no time to tell him, in truth she had not wanted to, not yet. Only after Luke had left to face Vader had the significance of her parentage truly hit her, but there had been no time to dwell on it. And tonight she had only wanted to celebrate.

  
"It's complicated" was all she could think of to say, avoiding looking over at Vader's crumpled form.

  
Before Han had a chance to reply, Lando appeared at her side with a stretcher for Luke. Letting go of his shoulder, she moved out of the way to stand next to Han. She forced herself to look down at the still form at their feet. A sight she had never wanted to see again, even more so now. Just looking at him made her feel ill, like he could contaminate her with his mere presence.

 

"What are we going to do with him? Leave him here?" Han was hesitant for once, so unlike his normal cocky self. He was not the only one that felt confused.

  
The rasping sound continued, but was more labored now. Like every breath he took was a struggle. Still alive then, a shame. It would be so easy to just leave him there, to let him die, so she could forget he ever existed. Instead she shook her head.

  
"Someone get another stretcher" she heard her self call out, before she turned away from the shadow to follow Luke.


	2. Anywhere but here

She didn't know how much time had passed before they arrived at the medical friggate. Luke had been unconcious throughtout the trip, but the medical droid had assured her he was in no danger. Vader had been placed in the room opposite aboard the transport. They had to remove his mask to stabilize him, but whatever lay behind it, she was not yet ready to face it.

  
After overseeing their transfer to the medical friggate, she sat down on a chair next to Luke's bed. He was slowly regaining consciousness.

  
"How did I get here?" He looked groggy and beaten, sweat making his dark blond hair stick to his forhead.

  
"You tell me, all I know is Vader showed up on Endor's moon with you thrown over his shoulder."

  
"He did?" The tired look vanished from his eyes, to be replaced with joy. So remenant of the young eager boy she had met only a few years ago. It felt like a lifetime ago now.

  
"I was right" He whispered. Looking up at her with a smile "He did it. He saved me"

  
"Whatever happened you both collapsed. Leaving it to us to haul the both of you here" Not bothering to keep the doubt out of her voice. Even though she knew there was truth in Luke's words. Vader had brought him to her. She would never have believed it, had she not seen it with her own eyes.

  
As Luke filled her in on the details of what happened, she could not help but feel uneasy. Vader now knew Luke had a sister. Did he know it was her?

  
"The last thing I remember is the emperor was electrocuting me and then I woke up here. Father must have stopped him" Luke looked so excited at the prospect, she however remained unconvinced.

  
"Does he know it's me?"She would not say the word daughter out loud, knowing it would brand her forever.

  
Luke shrugged." I am not sure, no point in hiding it though. He is not stupid, if he doesn't know already he will figure it out eventually. Where is he anyway, I want to see him" Luke moved as if trying to get of the bed. She pushed him firmly back down.

   
"No, you are not going anywhere"  
"Is he alright, I want to talk to him" He gave her a stubborn look, and she knew he would not give up without a fight.

  
"He was alive last time I checked, just down the corridor from here. Right now you need to rest. I will go check on him, you stay here." She tugged more firmly at his shoulder, and he finally relented leaning back down.

  
The medical droid moved closer, prodding at Luke's protestic hand, another legacy granted from Vader. Getting out of her chair, she moved reluctantly towards the door, before she could exit she heard Luke speak.

  
"He is our father Leia."

  
She turned back to look at him "I dont know what he truly is, however he will never be my father"

  
Turning back around she left the room, Luke didn't need her at the moment. Staying here was just an excuse to avoid doing what she needed to do. Moving down the corridor she could see the the two guards she had placed outside Vader's room. Next to them doctor Kian was talking to a medical droid. Like her, he was one of the few survivors from Alderaan, and had been a close friend of her father. He was a loyal alliance member, and in charge of the largest medical friggate in the alliance.

  
He looked up as she approached. "Come to check on our prisoner?"

  
"Yes, I gather he is still alive?"

  
Doctor Kian frowned. "Yes but he shouldn't have been. There was extensive damage to his life support system, we have done our best to repair it. Though some parts do need to be replaced. The suit itself is truly remarkable, however designed more for combat than comfort. I have never seen anything like it. We are also working on some modifications that should make him more comfortable."

 

"All I care about is that you keep him alive, I care little for his comfort" she said interrupting him.

  
He narrowed his brown eyes at her. "You brought him to me your highness, I will give him the care an attention I would give any other patient of mine"

  
"He was there when they blew Alderaan up right in front of me. He deserves more than a little discomfort" She snapped. How could he not understand, he of all people.

  
Reaching out, he placed a hand on her shoulder, eyes gentle now. "I miss them too, and I know it was worse for you having to watch it all happen. However none of it was your fault. Tarkin would have destroyed Alderaan anyway , or anyother planet. Just to prove that he could. With or without Vader. Let's remember who we are, and what we stand for. In that way we honor your father"

  
Father, the word almost made her cringe. It had alwayes been associated with good, with happy memories. Now all gone, to be replaced by what? She forced herself to give him a small smile, he did not know the truth. If he did, would he still look at her the same way he did now?

  
"I know, do what you must then." She was ready to go back to Luke to reassure him Vader still lived, and then to get some needed rest herself. However before she had a chance to move, he spoke again.

  
"He is awake now, if you wish to speak to him"

  
That was the very last thing she wanted to do, however she squared her shoulders and forced herself to speak "Offcourse, I will see him now"

  
The guards at the door inclined their heads at her as she passed by them, both looking as uncomfortable as she felt. The room on the other side was like any other in the facility. With white walls, and filled with various medical equipment, though she noticed the lights were dimmed down low. In the center of the room she could she his large frame atop the bed.

  
Without hesitation she walked across the room until she reached the bed. Ignoring the chair next to it, she looked down at him. She had not known what she was expecting, whatever it was, it wasn't this. Without the mask the face that looked back up at her looked so human. Scarred and pale but human nonetheless. In the dim light she could barely make out that his eyes were blue.

  
Using his left hand he removed the breather from his face and spoke. "Is Luke alright?" The voice was weak and strained, so very different from the deep baritone of her nightmares.

  
She folded her arms atop her her chest before responding. "He is fine, the medical droid is repairing his prostetic hand as we speak. Apparently some of the circuitry is fried." Putting emphasis on the word hand as she glared down at him.

  
He nodded but did not speak, just studied her face like he had never seen it before. Making her feel even more uncomfortable. That's when she felt the gentle tug on her mind, it did not feel threating just curious. Angrily she pushed it away, as she had on back on Endor. For it had been his presence she had felt, she was sure of it.

  
His eyes glinted with something that looked like amusement. Making her even more angry.

  
"So forceful" he muttered before looking away. When he looked back all trace of amusement was gone.

  
"It's you isn't it?"

  
There was no reason to ask what he meant by that. He had been testing her she realised. "Yes" she said simply, not bothering to lie.

  
The word lingered between them, neither speaking. He just kept staring at her. Refusing to be the first to look away, she held his gaze. He closed his eyes for an instant, breaking the tense moment.

  
" I see" he said quietly, placing the breather back on his face.

  
In all the times she had come face to face with him before, never had she felt as uncomfortable as she did now. Digging her fingernails into her arm, it took all her willpower not to turn around and flee the room. Before it had been easy, terrifying, but easy. She had known who she was, who he was. He was the enemy, the hand of a tyrant, she fought for freedom. If she had died for freedom so be it. At least she would have died knowing who she was. Now as she looked down at him, she felt angry and uncertain.

  
"What happens now?" he asked.

  
She was not sure what he was asking, but took the opportunity given to change the subject.

  
" We will hold you here for the time being until your injures are tended to. Then you will face a trial at the hand of the new republic. The more you cooperate, the easier this will all be."

  
"Fair enough, I will give all the information I have to aid you in dismantling the empires remaining factions. There are many still who would try to take his place"

 

"None of them have enough support to achieve that. "

  
"Maybe so, they can however create a great deal of trouble for you. Do not underestimate them"

  
"Make no mistake, I underestimate no one" she said giving him a pointed look.

  
" I am glad to hear it"

  
"And what is it you require in return for this information? And for that matter why should I believe anything you say" It had been to easy, she could not help but wonder what his true agenda was. Yet the information he could give would be invaluable.

  
"Only one thing, after that you can do with me as you wish." He was working harder to breathe now, the conversation tiring him out. She should feel pity, what she felt was anger but she kept it firmly in check.

  
"And that is?"

  
"That you and Luke accompany me to Naboo"

  
Naboo, what was in Naboo? She racked her brain for information, the emperor had been from there. Narrowing her eyes at him, she spoke.  
"Why?"

  
"I'll explain when we get there" he said leaning back on the pillow closing his eyes, clearly in pain.

  
"Fine" If he wanted to go there, she would follow. And if he tried anything she would be right there to stop him.

  
"I will send the medical droid in to tend to you. And as for our connection, I would rather you did not speak of it to anyone"

  
He opened his eyes and looked at her " As you wish. Though you cannot keep it secret forever, the longer you wait the worse it will get. Besides secrets are poison."

  
"Perhaps, but when and where will be my choice" she turned to leave. The effort it took to keep her politicians mask on, and not fly into a rage making her feel exhausted.

  
He spoke again before she reached the door. "If you believe nothing else, believe this. I will never hurt you again Leia"

  
She did not look back at him, just left the room as fast as she possibly could without breaking into a run. Wanting to be anywhere but there.


	3. Nightmares

She was standing aboard the Death Star, Tarkin smug face in front of her as she heard him speak the words that sealed Alderaans fate. Desperately she moved forward, trying again to plead her case. It was pointless, she could feel Vaders hand on her shoulder pulling her back up against his chest. His mechanical breathing a steady rythm in the quiet. Helplessly she watched as the beam moved across the darkness of space, then Alderaan was no more.

  
All of a sudden Tarkin vanished, faded out of existence like he had never been, then the rest followed. Until she was standing there alone with only Vader for company. His hand no longer rested on her shoulder, but had moved up encircling her neck. She could smell the leather in her nostrils. The hand holding her was so large, he could nearly encompass the entirety of her throat with just one hand. Tighthening his grip he squeezed lightly before speaking, his deep voice breaking the silence.

  
"Now you will join me, or you will join them" he said, the hand at her neck turning her face towards the viewport, where only scattered debris remained of her once beloved home.  
She shook her head, trying to shake him off. "Never" she croaked, his grip making it hard to speak.

  
"Very well" he added, increasing the pressure around her neck. Realizing her hands where no longer bound, she clawed frantically at her throat, trying to dislodge him. Thats when she noticed she was no longer wearing her white dress, but dark coat of some kind. To her horror one of her hands were no longer flesh and bone, but a skeletal hand of gleaming black and gold. Her desperate efforts to escape proved futile, and she felt herself go limp, then the darkness claimed her.

 

She sat up in the bed with a gasp, her heart beating wildly in her chest. It was a dream, just a dream. Lifting one hand, relived to find it was still human, she massaged her neck gently. It had felt so real, not like the nightmares she used to have after Alderaan was destroyed. They had been foggy and vague, these felt like she was really back there. Her feet feeling the ground beneath her, and Vaders hand had felt solid atop her shoulder. She was half afraid if she looked in the mirror, she would see red marks on her throat, after his fingers.

  
Vader, it all came down to him. The dream had come more frequent lately, and it was always the same. She didn't know if it was due to her proximity to him, or simply because the fighting was over. No longer having the distraction of battle, she found time to dwell on things. Things she would rather forget. Or perhaps it was a combination of the two.

  
Getting out bed, her feet felt freezing on the cold floor in the small room. She knew she would be unable to get back to sleep, so she decided to get up and get dressed instead. Normally she would not have bothered strapping on her blaster, however she would not be caught unaware again.

  
It had been over two standard weeks since the occurrences at Endor, since then she had kept as busy as she could. Which wasn't hard since the fall of the empire. However no amount of work could keep Vader completely from her mind. He was always there, like an annoying buzz in the back of her head, and the dreams certainly didn't help.

  
Luckily she had been able to keep her interactions with him at bare minimum, and there had been no more mentions of their unfortunate connection. Just the cold exchange of facts. Luke however had taken to Vader, like he had found a long lost friend. She sighed, undeniably Vaders information had proven valuable, and so far correct, that however didn't mean he could be trusted. Her brother could be to naive sometimes.

  
Looking in the mirror she braided her long thick hair into a single braid, yet again rubbing her neck, satisfied there was no injury. Blinking she looked at her own reflection, her restless sleep had left her with dark bags under her eyes. She felt as tired as she looked, but would rather be awake with Vader this close by.

  
Since Doctor Kian had declared Vader fit for travel, she had arranged transport for the three of them to Naboo. Vader was still not forthcoming as to why they where here, claimed he would explain everyting in the morning. Whatever it was, she hoped it would be over soon, so she could get as far away from him as possible. So now they were settled in a small apartment for the night, located in the planets beautiful lake country.

  
Intially she had intended to bring a regiment of soldiers as well, however Vader had flat out refused. Her treacherous brother had agreed. He had reassured her that Vader could be trusted, and to remember that he had surrendered willingly.  
She remained unconvinced, however had reluctantly agreed, knowing the only one that stood a chance against Vader was Luke anyway. Although she had stationed troops in Theed, ready to move at the slightest sign of trouble.

  
Leaving her room she entered the main living space. R2 gave a her a bright chirp in greeting, then spun around the room nervously. Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, she looked down at his domed head. R2 had like Luke, also taken a liking to Vader, why she could not understand.

  
"Whats wrong artoo? she asked, the droid didn't respond at first, just did another spin, around himself this time.  
"Artoo!" she said more sternly, finally he stopped moving and tilted his sensor towards her, and then towards Vaders door.

  
Her worst supicions come to life, she ran across the room and pulled the door open with a thud. The room behind it was empty. She wanted to kick herself, how could she have let Luke talk her into this. Turning on her heel back to Artoo, she dug in her pocket for a small tracker. Throwing it at Artoo, which deftly caught it.

  
"Wake Luke up and give him this, then tell him to follow" she said in a rush, not wanting to waste any time waiting for him. Who knows how far Vader had gone, or how long since he left. Quickly she ran outside to find a small ship, hoping she wasn't too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short this one but the next part should be up soon


	4. Home

  
She ran up the stone steps to the beautiful stone villa positioned at the edge of the lake. The signal had led her here, to this place. The ship sitting abandoned at the side of the lake, had still been warm to the touch, in contrast to the cold night air. This was the only house in the area, so he must be here. Rounding the corner she came to a large wooden door. She unhooked her blaster from the clip in her belt, before pushing the door open carefully. It was unlocked.

  
There was no sound as she entered what appeared to be a long dark corridor. It was hard to see in the dim light, but she could make out several doors off to one side. They were all closed, except the one at the farthest end. He was in that one, she could feel it. Not bothering to walk quietly, knowing it would be pointless, she moved quickly down the corridor and entered the room.

  
He was standing in front of a large window, his back to her. Overlooking what looked like a garden. Legs slightly parted, with his hands clasped behind his back. Though he no longer wore his cape, he had taken to wearing a dark, hooded robe. She had briefly wondered if it was Luke's. The hood was down now, exposing his bald head. Though she knew he had sensed her, he did not turn around.  
The only light in the room came from the full moon, shining down through the trees to the window. Illuminating the room in silver. Gripping the hilt of her blaster tightly, she raised it up and pointed it straight at his back.

  
"You would not shoot an unarmed man in the back would you?" The voice was stronger now, yet sounding nothing like the voice she was used to hearing from him.

  
She scoffed at his words, not lowering her blaster "Unarmed? You dont need a weapon, you are a weapon!"

  
"True enough" he agreed.

  
Scrutinizing the room, she could not see much of interest. It was sparsly furnished, what little furniture there was, all covered in white sheets or dust. Likely no one had lived here for quite a while.  
" What is this place anyway, one of the emperor's hideouts? Here to make contact with his remaining forces, before you make your own bid for power? Is that why you wanted to come here? It's no secret that this is the planet that spawned him." she said coldly.

  
He spun on his heels, turning to face her, the movement so quick she had to resist the urge to take a step back. Angered by the impulse she stood her ground.The moonlight was making his scarred face look more pale than usual, it was not a pretty sight. A small breather covered the lower half of his face.  
"This place has nothing to do with him" His voice cool. The hand holding the blaster felt varm and clammy, but she tightened her grip on it anyway. Levelling it at his chest.

  
"Then why are you here. Luke trusts you, yet you reward his trust by running away in the middle of the night."

  
"I did not run, I came here for a moment of solitude. You were the one that decided to follow me" He sighed, and folded his hands across his chest.

  
"If that is true you could have said something."

  
"Would you have let me? I imagine you would have insisted accompanying me. Having you scowl at me for an hour, is hardly my idea of solitude" He pointedly looked down at the blaster in her hand.

  
The idea that she had the power to tell Vader what to do, struck her as ridiculous.They both knew, he could leave anytime he wanted. Blaster or no she would not be able to stop him. Still she was not putting it away.  
"If it was up to me you would be rotting away in some cell, until justice can be served. I am only doing this for Luke. He for some unfathomable reason wants know you. I know all I'll ever need to know" she spat.

  
" Tell me, is it justice or vengeance you seek?" He was looking at her now, his expression intent.

  
"This is no longer the empire, everyone gets a fair trial. Even you!" she bristled at his implication. Yes she hated him, however she would still follow the rules. They were nothing like the empire.  
He kept her gaze for a few moments more, like he was searching her eyes for something. Before he finally looked away from her face, and let his eyes wander around the dark room.

  
" This was supposed to be your room, or at least this is what I think she meant." he said quietly.

  
She? Wait,was this her mother's house? The impact of that infomation hit her straight in the gut. She let her gaze run across the room again, taking it all in. The view in the window was beautiful, or would be in summer. Now winter had left the garden mostly dead. There was nothing but ghosts in this place.  
" I see a nice corner over there for the torture droid. It would have been cozy I imagine" she spat. Her words cruel, but she could not help but wonder what it would have been like to live her, with her mother, with Luke, not him. She could do without him.

  
"Leia I.." He took a small step towards her, letting his hands fall down at his sides. Raising the hand not holding the blaster, she fended him off.

  
"No, just no. I dont want to hear it"

  
At her words he stopped dead,shaking his head and letting out another a sigh "None of this was supposed to happen" he said sadly.

  
"Then what was supposed to happen? What part of you thought any of this was a good idea?" Her anger flared, and the temptation to shoot him made her finger twitch on the trigger. Remorse, it was too late for remorse.

  
"The desperate part." his voice was very quiet now.

  
"I am not Luke. I will not fall for this. I love my brother, but he can be too soft, if you hurt him or anyone else again I will do what is needed."

  
To emphasize the threat, she moved across the room in defiance of her earlier fear. Not stopping until she was close enough that she could reach out and touch him. A part of his breast panel was visible through a gap in his cloak. A stark reminder of just who she was dealing with. Not some scarred old man, that kept gazing at her with deceptively kind eyes. But Darth Vader himself.  
"Is it even real?" she whispered as she pointed the tip of her blaster where his heart was supposed to be. Or was it just another piece of metal. Cold, dead and empty.

  
"Yes" he said looking down at her, apparently understanding her meaning.

  
"But if you seek to stop it, I recommend a lightsaber. That thing wont do much damage."

  
"I doubt Luke would lend me his for the occasion" She had not come her to kill him, however standing this close brought back memories of the last time she had been this close. The same one that haunted her dreams, an image that had been burned on to her memory forever. The day her world was literally burned away, turned to nothing but rubble and dust. Never again would she stand on it's surface and breathe the fresh air. Never again would she hear her father's voice. Yet this thing lives. Her hate for him flared to life with full force, turning her vision red. She did want him dead, if she lifted the blaster just a bit upward she could end it. No armor protected him there.

  
He just looked down at her unflinching. "I know you are not Luke, but I also know you are not me."

  
She stepped back as if he had slapped her, looking down at the blaster in her hand with disgust. Horrified with herself she threw it into the darkness, where it landed on the floor with a thud.  
"No, and I never will be" she said, feeling sick at the thought of how nearly the rage had taken controll.

  
"I suggest you watch your anger then" he said, eyes never leaving her face.

  
" A little late to play the father now." she snapped.

  
"I know, and I am not going to go down on my knees pleading for your forgivness. You and I both know we are far past that point" he said solemnly.

  
An image of Vader kneeling before the emperor flashed before her eyes. She had seen it enough times at the imperial senate. The thought made her shudder.

  
"And I truly was not running away, I intended to bring you both here in the morning, so I would only have to do this once"

  
"Do what?"

  
"To tell you of her. I know I took something from you, when you found out I am your father, and this is the only thing I can ever give you back. As little as that may be." He sounded hesitant now, and did not meet her eyes.

  
"Something? How about everything! The only good thing you have ever given me is Luke, and like everything else you tried to take him away from me." Her earlier rage threatened to resurface, she took a deep breath to keep it away, nearly shaking with the effort.

  
He shook his head. "True but that's not what I meant, I took away some part of your certainty in who you are. Giving you the belief you are the child of something foul, and hence something foul yourself" Now he looked her directly in the eyes, his words sounding so much like an echo of the thoughts she had been struggeling with since learning the truth. She could not help but wonder if he had read her mind.  
"I know who I am." she retorted, though not convinced by her own words, and neither it seems was he. He continued.

  
"You are a part of her as much as a part of me. She was everything I am not, and she would have loved you Leia. Would have been so proud of what you have achieved. What you both have." He turned away from her as he spoke, letting a gloved finger trace a path along the surface of a small table by the window, leaving a trail behind in the dust.

  
"I just wanted you to know her" he said so quietly she could barely hear him. Then he looked back out the window towards the moonlit garden.

  
She did not know what to say at this point, her emotions all muddled in her mind. Everything from rage to sorrow. Grief of what she had lost, and now grief for what she didn't even know she had lost. Who had her mother been? Who had she been to him? Now partly a machine, once a man. Once even capable of love? Then what had gone so very wrong? The silence between them was deafening, and she found herself once again staring at his back. However this time she was unarmed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well so Vader did not run away to rejoin the empire:)  
>  Thanks for all the kudos and comments, always nice to see.


	5. Revelations

They had stood like that for what felt like an eternity, neither speaking, when she heard a large bang and Luke came running into the room. Panting he looked from Leia to Vader, who had turned to face them, and back to Leia again. Apparently satisfied they were not killing each other, Luke visibly relaxed.

  
Taking the opportunity she reached down and picked up her blaster. The weight of it in her hand felt familiar, but disconcerting.

  
Luke frowned as he looked down at the blaster in her hands, and up into her face. "Is everything alright?" he asked.

  
Quickly sheating her blaster, not wanting to hold it anymore, she glared at Vader, finally finding her voice again. "He decided to leave in the middle of the night, without telling either of us" she said, feeling slightly satisfied at the disappointed expression on Lukes face. It's not that she wants him to hurt, quite the opposite in fact, so sooner he realises what Vader is the better.

  
"Is this true father?" Luke asked, turning to face Vader.

  
Vader stepped a bit closer to Luke, towering over him. "It is, though not for the reasons your sister believed. I came here for a quiet moment alone, and did not wish to wake you. I meant no harm" he said in earnest.

  
Luke searched Vaders face, Leia also got the distinct feeling he was doing something else as well. Whatever it was, he was apparently satisfied in what he found, because he gave Vader a reassuring smile, and just like that all was well again.

  
She scoffed, folding her hands across her chest. "What will it take for you to see what he truly is? "

  
"I know what he is, in this you are the one who is blind, blinded by your own rage. All you have to do is to reach out with your feelings and you would see it too." Luke said sagely, giving her a small patient smile , like one aimed at a wayward child.

  
Leia managed to resist the urge to roll her eyes, she hated when he tried to preach at her, especially about Vader. "Save your jedi lectures for someone else, I have no interest in this power. Especially if this is what it does to you" she said, pointing a finger at Vader.

  
"I am afraid in this you have no choice, it's part of you whether you like it or not." Vader retorted.

  
She glared at him "Perhaps, that doesn't mean I have to use it"

  
He held her gaze."I am curious though, how did you find me? Even using the force locating someone with such precision is difficult, especially if they dont want to be found" Vader asked, an interested expression on his face.

  
Feeling smug she looked at him, "You dont need to use the force to be able to locate someone" she said.

  
"You put a tracker on me" he said, almost looking a bit impressed, turning his head from her to Luke."Clever"

  
Luke shook his head. "Me no, Leia however" he said giving her an exasperated look. "I told you it would not be necessary"

  
She shrugged "Since he did in fact run away, I say it was a necessary precaution." For once it had proved convenient that Vader was half machine.

  
"Where?" Vader asked, lifting his arms suspiciously.

  
"Why? Planning your next escape? Believe me, it wont happen again." she retorted.

  
Luke sighed, chosing to ignore their bickering. "Where are we anyway" he said, walking around the room, touching a few objects on a shelf in the corner. "It's very beautiful here." he said, picking up and studying a small wooden figurine.

  
Leia looked around the room again, feeling an sense of loss that suprised her, it was just the empty remains of a life never lived, one that never would be. She looked at Vader, waiting for him to speak, she would not do it for him.

  
"It was your mothers house, Luke" Vader said finally, sounding tired, retreating slightly into the shadows of the room, out of reach of the moonlight. "This is where she wanted you to grow up"

  
"Mother" Luke said reverently, putting the object back on the shelf. "I dont even know her name, no one ever told me" he added sadly.

  
"Padme, it was Padme" Vaders said in a low voice.

  
Padme, she knew that name. When she was younger, just after her adoptive mother had passed away, her father had used to come in and sit at the edge of her bed at night, telling her stories of the old republic. One name that came up more than the others, had been Padme Amidala. Leia knew she had passed at the birth of the empire, not long after Leia had been born, but she had never made the connection.

  
She felt a rush of gratitude towards her father, as she realised that through his stories he had kept her mothers memory alive. However this was quickly followed by the now familiar ache he had left behind. He was dead, as dead as her mother. Somedays she could not help but feel like death followed her, always waiting around the next corner, threatening to take someone else away.  
She turned her gaze to Vader. The Padme from her fathers stories had been a fighter for democracy, not tyranny. Someone Leia had admired and would have been proud to call her mother, so how could a man like this possibly be her father?

  
"A senator" she said not realising she had spoken outloud, until Vader responded.

  
"You know of her?"

  
"I know she was a senator in the old republic, and if the stories can be believed, you were at least right about one thing, she was everything you are not!"

  
She let out a harsh laugh, " I have a vague memory of her, you know. What I remember the most, was how very sad she was. When I was little I always wondered what could possibly have made her so sad. Now I know. It was you!" she said accusingly.

  
A agonized expression crossed Vaders face, and he turned away from them, retreating further into the darkness. Then he bowed his head, clenching one fist in a tight ball, but for once Leia didn't feel any fear at the sight. Nor any pity.

  
Ever the compassionate one, Luke walked into the shadow and put his remaining hand on Vaders shoulder, it looked pale against all that black.

  
"Will you tell us of her?" Luke asked gently.

  
Vader turned to face Luke, looking down at him and the hand on his shoulder, and slowly unclenched his fist.

  
"You are a lot like her you know" he said quietly, tilting his head to study Luke. "Compassionate, incorruptible. Kind, perhaps even to much so, and so much more than I deserve" He lifted his own hand slowly, letting it come to rest on Lukes shoulder.

  
"And perhaps just as stubborn" he added, his tone lighter, and she swore he was looking at her now, but it was hard to see clearly in the dim light.

  
"We were married here, in this place in secret." he said, his free hand gesturing around the room. "As a jedi I wasn't allowed to form that sort of attachment. But I didnt't care, and in the end she paid heavily for my selfishness."

  
Padme had been Vaders wife? Not his lover, not some one time encounter, but his actual wife? Leia was stunned, and wondered if she needed to reassess her opinion of Padme. But no, her father would not have admired her if she had been anything like Vader, there had to be another explanation.

  
"They are not?" Luke asked.

  
Vader shook his head. "No, but that does not matter now, you are the only jedi left, it does not have to be like that now. It shouldn't be."

  
"Wife!" Leia exclaimed, bringing the subject back to Padme. "Next you will try telling us that you loved her" she said with venom.

  
Vader let go of Lukes shoulder, and started moving out of the dark towards her, just as a beam of moonlight crossed his face, he stopped, locking his blue gaze on her.

  
"I did love her" he said, then started shaking his head, " No that's not right, I do love her. I never stopped, not for a moment. Even completely immersed in the darkness, a piece of me was always hers. I buried it deep in the end, but it was always there. That's the part of me your brother found, and only through him could I remember, only through you." Taking a deep breath, he paused for a moment, closing his eyes.

  
She did not speak, just stood there, the room feeling much smaller than it had a moment ago, and she felt like the walls were closing in on her. That he was closing in on her.  
Slowly he opened them again, and spoke in a clear voice."And for some reason she loved me too. The day she told me she was pregnant I was happy, I wanted you Luke" he said turning back to Luke, who was still standing in the shadows.

  
"I wanted you both" he added, as he yet again focused on her, eyes shining.

  
She rubbed at her eyes with one hand, trying to keep away the tears that were trying to escape, refusing to cry in front of him. Why did she feel like crying in the first place, she had not truly known Padme, not in life. Luke however had no such inhibition, and as he moved closer to Vader, she could make out the sheen of tears on his cheek, reflected by the moonlight.

Vader opened his mouth as if to continue, before he abruptly stopped himself, instead turning his face towards the door, and in that moment a light appeared in the doorway.

  
"Hello who is there?" a mans voice asked, as two people came walking in to the room from the corridor beyond. One of them was carrying a lantern, the bright light making it hard to make out their faces.

  
"This is private property and your trespassing" the man added, moving closer. Now Leia could make out an elderly couple, both clearly just roused from bed. A woman with long silver hair, loosly braided across one shoulder, glanced at Leia and froze for one moment, before shaking her head.

  
"I thought for a moment" Leia heard her mutter quietly.

  
"Forgive us, I did not know anyone was in residence, or else we would not have come unannounced." It was Vader that spoke, the elderly man lifted the lantern up to Vaders face, who flinched at the light, retreating back a step.

  
"Who are you?" the old man asked suspiciously

  
There was a small hesitation, before Vader spoke again. "You might remember me as Anakin Skywalker"

  
"Anakin?" it was the woman again, "But your dead!"

  
"Apparently not" Vader replied wearily, still avoiding the lantern light, Leia wondered if it was because the light hurt his eyes, or if it was because of shame.

  
"Then where have you been all these years."The woman asked, moving closer to Vader. Leia knew the moment the woman caught a sight of Vaders face, by her sharp intake of breath.

  
"What happened to you?" she asked in a whisper, lifting a hand to cover her mouth in shock.

  
"That doesn't matter anymore" he replied dully, the woman moved closer, Vaders massive form looming over her.

  
"Was it because of the jedi purges, is that why you have been missing? "She asked, looking up at Vaders face, eyes wide, Vader just stood there unmoving, glancing off to one side.  
When he didn't respond she added "We buried her and the child in Theed" The man moved closer putting his hand on the womans shoulder, she leaned in to him before speaking again.

  
"Your child."

  
Vaders head snapped to her face "You knew?" he asked, sounding shocked.

  
Nodding, the woman smiled sadly. "My daughter might have been a politician Anakin, but I am her mother I could tell. When she spoke of you there was a light in her eyes. There could be no other"

  
Leie reeled back, this were her grandparents? She glanced over at Luke, and could see he was wearing an equally shocked expression on his face.

  
"The child" Vader started but stopped, straightening his shoulders before continuing."The child did not die, Jobal" Vader lifted his hand to indicate her and Luke. "This is Luke Skywalker, my son, and his twin sister Leia Organa, my daughter. They are your grandchildren"

  
The woman Jobal turned to face them, and she looked at them, eyes wide. Her grandfather lifted the latern up to reveal their faces. Unlike Vader she did not shy away from the light. When Jobal got a good look at her face, she burst into tears.

  
Uncertain as what to do Leia just stood there, edging a bit closer to Luke.

  
"This is Ruwee and Jobal Naberrie, your mothers parents" Vader was adressing them now, Luke nodded, probably to stunned to speak.

  
"I dont understand, why would you keep them from us?" Ruwee asked, still holding the light to them, but adressing Vader.

  
"I thought the child lost as well" came Vaders quiet reply, making Rowee frown, "How could you not know? " he added sounding incredulous.

  
"Shall I tell them or will you?" Leia said icily, not even bothering to give Vader the time to reply.

  
"Leia please" Luke said.

  
She ignored him, " Our dear father here, was to busy being the emperors pet Darth Vader, to have any time for child rearing, in fact his skills at parenting only streches as far as dismemberment and torture." she said in her most acid voice, to the utter horror of her grandparents, who both turned to looke at Vader in disgust.

  
"Your Vader?" her grandfather asked looking pale, Jobal had stopped crying, Leia felt a bit bad for her outburst, but they deserved to know.

  
"Get out of my house!" Ruwee bellowed, puffing up his chest, and it looked like he was ready to physically throw Vader out by himself, until Luke stepped in between them. She could grow to like her grandfather, she thought.

  
"Please stop" Luke said, holding his hands out in a placating gesture. But before he had a chance to say anything else, Vader spoke.

  
"It's alright Luke, I will leave"

  
As he started to move towards the door, Jobal spoke.

  
"Wait, just wait." She rushed forward towards the door stepping in front of Vader. He stopped, gazing down at her, she looked so tiny and frail in comparison to him.

  
"Just wait here for a moment, I will be right back" she added, turning around and rushing from the room. No one spoke a word while she was gone, they just stood there in akward silence.

  
It did not take long, before Jobal returned. She approached Vader lifting one of his hands up and placed an item in it. "I dont know what happened to you, but I know this. That man" she said looking down at the item in Vaders hand, closing his fingers around it with her own. "That man, he was a good man, she would not have loved you otherwise. This belongs to you"

  
Vader looked down at his clasped hand, still holding the object. "Thank you" he said, and briskly walked past her towards the doorway.

  
"Father" Luke said pleadingly, moving to follow him.

  
"No Luke stay here with your grandparents. I will walk the garden. If I may" the last part he directed at their grandfather, But it was her grandmother that spoke "Off course, please do"  
He pulled the hood over his head, leaving his face in shadow, before he walked out and into the dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This became a bit longer then intended. Oh well  
> And Vader got interrupted, no worries we are not done with the Padme angst yet


	6. Grandparents

They walked down a long corridor, following their grandparents, who were just ahead of them, heads bent close together, talking quietly. This part of the house seemed to be inhabited, a few of the wall lights lit, and unlike the room before, it didn't have the empty feeling of abandonment.

"Was that really necessary?" Luke hissed under his breath, as soon as their grandparents were out of earshot.

"They deserved to know the truth" she retorted.

"Perhaps, but not like that" he looked so upset at her, she felt a tiny hint of remorse, but she wasn't the villain here.

"I am not like you Luke, I can't forget and certainly not forgive" she added wearily. It was tempting to tell him of her nightmares. How every night she relived the worst day of her life, over and over again. She was tired and irritable she knew that, but this was neither the time or the place.

"Do you think I have forgotten? I can never forget" he said, lifting his gloved hand for emphasis. "But all this rage and hate is pointless, it wont bring anyone back. It's better to let it go"

She stopped walking for a moment, grabbing his arm. "Let it go?" she asked angrily. "You cant let the death of millions of people go!"

He sighed "Nor was that what I meant. Somedays I think you want to fight Leia, I suggest you think about what that means"

Did she? She wasn't sure, it's not like her anger was unjustified. Before she could find a fitting response, he spoke again.

"And he has changed, a part of you knows this, but you are to stubborn to admit it. Eyes may deceive, but you have more than that to see with. Look at him through the force, I dare you." With that he pulled his arm from her grip, and trailed after their grandparents, who had stopped at the end of the corridor, waiting for them.

Leie stood stunned just were he left her for a moment, before she gathered herself and followed.

Jobal and Ruwee led them in to a spacious kitchen, large windows overlooking the lake. The centerpiece of the room was a beautiful wooden table, where Jobal indicated they should sit down.

"We dont come here that much anymore, it's just not the same after she passed." Ruwee told them sadly, while pooring them all a hot drink. Jobal on the other hand was busy preparing them something to eat.

Leia could not remember the last time she had this feeling, the feeling of family, not since her father died, well besides Luke off course. Even if these people were practically strangers, she could not help but feel connected to them.

Luke folded his hands on the table, when Ruwee spotted the black glove on Lukes right hand, a troubled expression crossed his face, and he sat back in his chair.

"It's true then? He truly is Vader" He shook his head. "I have trouble making sense of that, the young man I met all these years ago was a pleasant kind of fellow. Polite and honest. Looked a bit like you. " Ruwee said, adressing the last part at Luke, who perked up, looking pleased by the fact.

"Oh yes, and the way he used to look at Padme, it was so sweet" Jobal interjected, before putting a small plate of cakes down in front of them. "These were your mothers favourites, I hope you like them"

Leia nodded taking a sip of her drink, sweet was the last word she would use to describe Vader.

"What happend to him?" Jobal asked solemnly, sitting down in the chair next to Leia.

"I dont really know, he refuses to tell me what happend." Luke replied, and then proceeded to tell them everything he did know, what had happened up to this point. Leia also shared her part of the story. Quickly passing by the subject of Alderaan, not wanting to talk about it. They both gazed at her in sympathy, but luckily didn't pry any further into it.

"So you were seperated and hidden away, all these years you were out there somewhere and we didn't know" Ruwee said sadly, Jobal looked like she wanted to cry. "There would always have been a home for you here with us. We would have taken you in"

"I am afraid the emperor and our father would have found us then." Luke added wistfully.

"I know, I know" Ruwee responded, "But I wanted you to know that all the same"

Leia smiled at Ruwee, and he smiled back, from knowing nothing of her family, to being told you were the child of a that thing, it was comforting to know the blood of these kind people also ran in her veins.

"Ah before I forget" Jobal said getting to her feet, and for the second time that night she hurried of. When she returned she was carrying a large box, which she put down on the table in front of Luke.

"After she passed we went to Coruscant to clear away her things. If we weren't sure who the babys father was before then, we were sure now. " she shook her head. " Sorry, I mean your father, it's and old habit I fear. We found all this among her things, I belive most of them belong to your father. We kept them just in case he ever showed up. Maybe you would like to have them, or he would."

Luke sat up eagerly and quickly started looking through the content of the box. To distract herself, Leia picked up one of the cakes and took a big bite, it was sweet and delicious.

"They are lovely" she said to Jobal, who beamed at her.

Luke had laid a few items out on the table, a dark brown jedi robe, some beads, and an assorted number of personal items or clothing.

"Truth be told we kept almost everything" Ruwee said, "It was just to painful to throw her things away." Now it was Ruwee and Jobals turn to speak, telling them of their mothers childhood, silly stories that made even Leia laugh. About her aspirations, her being elected as queen at such a young age. Leia knew alot about Padmes adult life, but hearing her grandparents speak of her, made it personal. Ruwee even brought out a few holographic images of her.

"Wait a moment, she was a queen?" Luke said incredulously, looking up from an image of their mother, who he had been admiring while listening. "So my mother was a queen, my sister a princess, and I ended up a moisture farmer on the dust ball of the galaxy. Typical" He sounded put upon, but there was a warm glint in his eyes.

"You were not badly threated were you?" Jobal asked sounding concerned,

"No no, I am sorry, I was just teasing. I was very well cared for. " Luke said, looking sad for a moment, reminding Leia that he had also lost his family. What she could not understand is why he was so eager to let Vader in to his life, even if he was any other man, you could never replace what was lost, never.

Frowning she looked into her cup, something Jobal had said earlied was bothering her, turning to her, she asked "You said you buried her with a child, but we are not dead, so how is that possible?"

Jobal cupped her hands around her cup, like she was seeking it's varmth. "That's what we were led to believe, to protect you I imagine. You see, we buried her believing she was still pregnant"

Pregnant, so she must have died just after they were born, or during. Leia sincerely hoped they had not been the cause. Sorrow tugged at her heart, death was a vital part of her life from the very beginning it seemed.

"Do you know how she died? she asked. Jobal avoided her gaze, looking instead at Ruwee, a piece of silent communication passed between them. It was Ruwee that finally replied "Neither of us were there when it happend. She is buried in Theed, we would very much like you to accompany us there."

A sense of foreboding hit her, they were hiding something. She looked over at Luke, he was frowning, clearly also disturbed by their evasive answer.

"Off course, would the day after tomorrow suit?" she replied, desperatly needing some rest, now that the night was comming to a close. Hopefully they would be more forthcomming in Theed, but tonight she had enough suprises. Apparently she was not the only one that was tired, as half the way through his second cake, Luke let out a large yawn.

"Oh I am sorry, we have kept you here to long" Jobal said apologetically.

"Dont apologize, it has been wonderful" Luke replied, but he was gazing out the window, clearly thinking of Vader, who was still out there somewhere. If he was gone, she would call in the troops, and lock him up permanently.

They all got ot their feet, Ruwee led them to a side door, where a small gravel path led into the dark.

"I think you will find him on the terrace" Jobal said, while giving Leia the lantern her grandfather had carried earlier, then she reached out and grasped Leia in a varm hug. She stood stunned for a moment, before hugging her back.

"I am sorry I could not help it, it's like having a small piece of her back after all these years." Jobal added keeping her hands on Leias arms.

Leia smiled back " Thats fine, its nice to have finally met you" she said, and found she truly meant it. Letting go of Leia, she then embraced Luke, who hugged her back tightly. After saying goodbye to Ruwee, they walked out of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I made none of you sing the theme song to frozen, Let it go is forever tainted I fear. 
> 
> Not so angsty this one, its technically part of a chapter I cut i half, 2nd part should come soon.


	7. Contact

They walked in silence, following the small path leading to the terrace. Luke walking behind her carrying the box, while she lifted the light guiding the way. Large trees framed the path ahead on either side, and to her left she could see a beautiful ornate stone banister. As they stepped onto the terrace, the lake was visible just below. The full moon having almost completed it's descent, made the dark water shimmer.

  
That's where they found him, off to one side, a large shadow leaning on the banister, his hood still up. He was outlined by pale blue light, that vanished as soon as he noticed their approach. Luke wandered over leaning the box on the banister next to Vader, who lifted his hands, lowering the hood. As Leia moved the lantern, aiming to put it down next to the box, she caught a glimpse of his face. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen, if she didn't know any better she would think he had been crying. Ill at ease she lowered the lantern down on the banister, and moved off to the side. This left Luke in the middle acting as a welcome barrier between her and Vader.

  
Tilting his head, Vader gave the box a cursory glance, but did not look at its's content. They just stood there for a while, until Luke broke the silence.

  
"I wish I could have known her" he said sadly, looking up at Vader.

  
"So do I Luke" he replied quietly

  
"A queen then a senator, she sounded remarkable." Luke continued, trying to coax more out of Vader, but he seemed more reluctant to talk about her now than earlier.

  
"Elected queen, believe me, she would have made that distinction very clear." Vader finally responded, however he kept his gaze firmly on the horizon.

  
Leie just watched them talk, she wanted nothing from him, yet she hung on every word he uttered about their mother, she wanted to know, to understand. What had her mother seen in him, had he deceived her?

  
Luke tried a few more times to engage Vader in conversations, but got mostly one or two syllable replies. Eventually it seemed Luke accepted defeat, but not before making one final push.

  
"We are going to see her grave in a day, will you come with us?" Luke asked carefully, Vader squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, before he replied "If that is your wish" Then he turned towards her, silently asking for her consent, she thought. Having her own reasons for wanting him there she gave him a small nod.

  
Looking away from him, she leaned over the banister and gazed down at the water, it was making comforting sloshing sounds, reminding her of home. The lake just below the palace where she grew up had used to glimmer like this at night, the window in her bedroom had looked straight down at it. But like everything else, it too was now gone.

  
Breathing in the fresh night air, she let out an involuntary shiver, her lack of sleep had left her tired, and more prone to the cold.

  
Luke moved around for a bit before he turned towards her and wrapped her in his cloak. Gratefully she pulled it close together, relishing the warmth, being so short it cowered her completely. It wasn't until the slightly musty smell hit her nose, she realized this wasn't Luke's cloak at all, it was his. She was tempted to rip it of and throw it into the lake below, but she stopped herself, it was just a piece of cloth, it could not hurt her.

  
Instead she settled for glaring at Luke, but as she did, his earlier words came back to haunt her. Taking a deep breath she did as he had suggested. Tentatively she stretched out with the force, Luke's presence blazing brightly, standing so close, it was warm and comforting. She wanted to reach out and hug him. He was her brother, and she loved him, he didn't deserve her ire. Letting her senses stretch even further, she gently prodded at the presence next to Luke.

  
Vader stiffened. Getting to his full height, he swung his head towards her, looking down at her, over the top of Luke's head.

  
He stood perfectly still, just staring at her, eyes assessing. It felt like light, but it was dull, distant. Then something shifted and it grew stronger. Not as bright a Luke, but steady and warm. Like the beat of a heart. Leia pulled back, he had let her in she realized. Let her see, until she couldn't bear to look any longer, for what she saw broke her heart.

  
"I don't know how to do this" she muttered quietly. How could she know if he felt different now? When she had confronted him in the past, she hadn't used the force, at least not knowingly. Begrudgingly she had to admit he did not feel like she had expected. No dark fingers ready to drag her into the abyss. What she had felt was heartbreak. Sorrow so deep it made her want to cry, and guilt, so much guilt. The sheer extent of it took some of the fight out of her.

  
Sensing what was going on, Luke moved back a step. Leaving her and Vader only separated by the box, balancing precariously on the edge. Unable to help it her eyes welled with tears, quickly she blinked them away. Unfortunately it was not fast enough, as a distressed expression crossed Vader's face, and he turned away from her, staring down into the water, his presence dimming.

  
She swallowed. "I found Luke" she offered, wanting to do anything to distract herself, even talk to him. For at that moment she was unsure whose pain she was feeling, his or hers, for a while they had blurred together as one. She could not help but wonder if he was feeling the same way . "At Bespin I mean" she babbled, he had seemed interested in this, hadn't he?

  
He turned back to look at her. "And at Endor" he replied "I felt your presence there"

  
"You didn't before"

  
"I didn't feel much of anything before." he sighed, the flickering lantern offering a good view of his face, dark shadows playing across his features.

  
"Except hate that is. In fact I bore a strong dislike for you, for more than your rebellion, at least now I know why. The hair, the eyes, they were all my clues. I just didn't want to see it. Any reminder of her was more painful than any fire, and I wanted to put it out. Put you out" he added, studying her face.

  
She had reminded him of Padme all this time? Someone he claimed to love, yet if Luke had not saved her, he would have killed her. For a moment there she had felt a tiny flicker of pity for him, had forgotten what he really was. Then he spoke a few words, and it all came rushing back. Luke groaned in the background, clearly not impressed by Vader's tactics.

  
Echoing her thoughts he spoke, shaking his head sadly "I would have killed you, my own flesh and blood, and I would never have know. I would not have cared. You are right to hate me."'

  
"And now, do you still want me dead?" She asked bitterly, pulling her anger around her as a blanket.

  
His eyes snapped to hers. "If I wanted you dead, you would be dead" he replied, sounding a bit annoyed, then he took a deep breath calming himself and added wearily "I meant what I said Leia, I will never harm you again, never"

  
Taking a tentative step towards her, eyes mild he asked in a soft voice "Is that what you saw?"

  
He knew very well it wasn't, she had seen a man in pain, full of regret. However running through all that sorrow, she had felt love, pulsing steadily, even brightly. It had been directed towards Luke, towards her. She shook her head, unable to speak, he could not fake that, could he?

  
As he moved closer he looked her up and down, eyes narrowing slightly, then he reached out a hand, moving it slowly towards her, like he was approaching a wild animal. She watched it as wearily as one, thinking it would be childish to slap it away.

  
Instead of grasping her by the throat, he carefully tugged at the cloak, she hadn't realized how closely she had tucked it around her, before he started pulling at it. Rubbing the material between thumb and forefinger, he took a step even closer to her, studying it.

  
"Is this mine?" he asked, sounding astonished. "It's a real Jedi cloak"

  
She nodded, her hands clasping the rough fabric at her throat, holding it close, like armor. Not willing to let go. He looked a bit amused at her death grip, and gave the cloak an extra tug, a small smile on his face.

  
"Yes, Jobal and Ruwee found it among mothers things, a long with several other objects, all in the box" Luke answered, indicating the box by a tilt of his head.

  
Vader let the cloak go, but not before murmuring softly "You keep it Leia"

  
Then he moved towards the box, resting one hand on it's side. It was almost dawn and the first rays of sunlight could be seen on the horizon. Framed by the weak light, he stood there, still as a statue shoulders hunched, peering into the box. However he didn't reach inside and touch anything. After a while he tightened his grip, she was half afraid for Luke sake, that he would push it into the water.

  
Abruptly he let go, and turned back to face them, stretching his other hand out, offering Luke the object Jobal had given him earlier. Leia realized he must have been holding it all this time.

  
"I would like you to watch this" he said . "To know I wasn't always like this" he added, indicating himself with one hand.

  
"I already know that father" Luke said, but he took the offered object anyway.

  
Vader nodded, than walked briskly past them adding a "Let's go" as he passed by, not bothering to see if they followed, the action of a man used to being obeyed. Leia felt a flash of anger, she was no stormtrooper. Luke must have notice her expression, because he laughed, pulling the hood over her face, so she could not see. "Grumpy" she heard him say, and she half halfheartedly swung her hand in his general direction.

  
Pulling the hood down again smiling slightly, Leia started walking following Vader's dark form, Luke beside her, with his box of treasures.


	8. A glimpse into the past

By the time they had returned to the apartment it was already morning, to agitated to sleep she had spent the day looking through reports on their current progress, so far things were going as smoothly as they could have hoped. Now as evening was approaching she got up and stretched her arms yawning, giving the item on her desk a suspicious look. Vader's cloak was hanging over the chair where she had left it. Pushing it to the side, she sat down again and carefully picked up the object on her desk.

  
She looked down in her hands at it, it was innocent looking enough. Circular and flat, like any small holoprojector really. She spun it around in her hands before putting it back on the desk. Luke had tried to give it to her earlier, insisting she watch it, but she had refused to take it. Later he had entered her room, placed it on her desk, given her a stubborn look, and left the room before she had a chance to protest. There it had stayed, taunting her until now.

  
It was the one her grandmother had given Vader, and she was reluctant to watch it. Finally curiosity won out, and she quickly pressed the button before she could change her mind.

  
The image flickered to life, outlined in blue tint, she could see two people standing together. The one on the right, dressed in a beautiful white dress was certainly her mother. Across from her, she could see a young man dressed in Jedi robes. The young Vader she assumed, she had to admit he was very handsome. At least that would explain how her mother could have been taken in by him. She wouldn't have been the first woman fooled by a pretty face.

  
Leaning in towards each other they kissed gently, it all looked very solemn and serious. Like they where doing something they were not supposed to. That's until Vader smiled widely, picked her mother up and swung her around, her dress fluttering in the wind. Her mother letting an undignified squeal. Then they were both laughing. She looked so happy, little did she know what kind of monster she had just married.

  
Last night her grandparents had shown her many images of their mother. Some from when she was small, but many from when she served as queen. As queen she had looked beautiful, even with all the extravagant makeup, however her expressions had been serious. The burden of command written on her face. She knew that expression well enough, it looked back at her every time she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. But when her mother gazed up at Vader, her face looked unburdened and carefree. Leia could only feel pity for the woman, though she was long gone.

  
Just behind their smiling faces Leia recognized the stone banister from last night, right in the place where they had found Vader. He had gone there, where he had married their mother in the first place, but this time he had been all alone. That's until they had found him.

  
Then the image changed, now she was looking a Vader standing on a podium, his hair was longer and his braid was gone. He was smiling down at what she could only assume was a crowd, as he received a medal. In that instance he looked so much like Luke, there was no doubt that he was Luke's father, and therefor also her own. She had know off course, but seeing the evidence with her own eyes was another thing entirely. She resisted the temptation to turn the holoprojector off.

  
Suddenly he looked straight at her, and his smile became more knowing, almost intimate, and he let his eyes linger a bit longer on her, before looking away. Shocked she realized it was Padme he was looking down at, and for just one moment she had looked out through her mothers eyes.

  
An older man came up on the podium, and patted Vader on the back, who turned to smile at him. He had a kind, patient face, and looked familiar. Squinting she leaned forward to get a better look. That's when it hit her, it was the emperor, though he looked very different, she was certain. She felt a bitter taste in her mouth, here they both stood smiling to the crowd, while the entire time planning the demise of the republic. They were taking, but she could not hear any of what was being said. Vader turned to leave, moving across the podium to stand next to another jedi. This one had beard and a friendly face, Obi Wan if she had too guess, he rested a hand on Vader.s shoulder and smiled.

  
The image flicked again, and more appeared, most of them were of Vader. His various deeds and heroics. A few of the recordings included her mother, but she realized is was a collection of momentoes about Vader, probably made by her mother. Made with love.

  
Leaning back in her seat she felt unsettled, wholly unprepared for looking at Vader as an actual person, and seeing the evidence that someone had actually loved him once. Nor had she expected that he would smile so much, somewhere on his face you would think his cruelty would show, however she was old enough to know that wasn't true. After all the emperor had also smiled, and many a fair face hid a cruel interior. Plenty of politicians for one.

  
The images stopped, the recording finally at an end, and she sat there for a long while feeling slightly bewildered. Just as she was about to turn the projector off, it flickered to life one final time.  
However this time the recording was of her mother, dressed in a beautiful deep purple gown, her long curly hair loose about her shoulders.

  
"Stop it Ani, I look like a mess." her mothers said, laughing at the holoprojector.

  
Leia blinked, Ani, short for Anakin, Vader's real name, and spoken with such utter devotion.

  
From outside the view of the hologram, she heard a mans laughter.

  
"You look beautiful, like you always do. Besides its only fair, you have so many holorecordings of me, and I want to remember you like this" a pleasant voice said warmly.

  
"Like what? I am almost the size of a shaak" her mother replied, and as she moved closer to the projector, Leia could see the bulge on her stomach. She was pregnant, Leia could do nothing but to sit there in front of her desk, utterly stunned.

  
"Hmm, you are a lot prettier then any shaak I ever remember seeing" Vader replied, breaking Leia from her reverie.

  
Her mother smiled at that, "You are such a flirt" she replied, eyes sparkling.

  
"Only with you" he replied, now moving into the frame, approaching Padme, leaning over and kissing her gently on the forehead.

  
Just a he did, her mother doubled forward and clutched a hand to her stomach. The peaceful expression on Vader's face was quickly replaced by one of utter despair.

  
"Padme are you alright" he asked in a panicked voice, putting an arm around her, while guiding her to a sofa in the background, making her sit down. "I'll get a medical droid straight away" he added, getting ready to move away, but Padme grabbed him by the arm.

  
"I am fine Ani, the baby just kicked really hard, and it caught me by surprise. Sometimes I swear he must have at least three legs." she said, smiling reassuringly at Vader. He however did not look convinced, resisting her tug at his arm.

  
"Really Anakin I am fine" she added, and Vader finally relented, letting her pull him to the sofa. He sat down next to her, and put his face in his hands, it was such a dramatic reaction to what was surely a normal pregnancy, Leia could not help feel puzzled by it.

  
Her mother reached out a hand and gentle stroked his back, but even Leia could see by just watching a recording his spine was stiff.

  
"This is about your nightmares isn't it? They are getting worse aren't they?" Her mother asked, still trying to soothe him. He looked up at her with a wild expression on his face.

  
"I wont let you die Padme, I can't" he answered in a weak voice, then he tugged at his leather glove, exposing a hand of flesh and blood. Reaching forward he tucked a curl of Padme's hair behind her ear. "I dont think there is anything I wouldn't do to keep you safe" he whispered.

  
Her mother turned her face and kissed his hand " I am safe, just pregnant, it will all be fine, you'll see. Then we have to deal with another Skywalker in the galaxy, imagine the havoc" she said, smiling, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

  
Vader let his hand drop. "Skywalker." He said shaking his head. "We both know that we cant call the baby that. She is just another secret, another lie. I can't even claim my own child, not unless I leave the order." he said, sounding aggravated.'

  
"You cant leave now Ani, they need you. The war needs you" Padme exclaimed.

  
Vader had unclipped his lightsaber from his belt, and was holding it in his still glove covered hand, he appeared to be studying it, turning it slowly around in his hand. This offered Leia a good view of it, and there was little doubt, it was the one Luke had lost when Vader had cut of his hand.

  
"War needs me, I am not sure I like the sound of that" he said sounding tired, putting the lightsaber away, removing his last glove.

  
"You know what I meant Anakin. Your efforts make a difference. I fear we are tethering on the edge here. Your heroics make people believe, and that's what they need right now"

  
Vader abruptly got up from the sofa, looking down at Padme, an angry expression on his face.

  
"What about what I need? I just came home from war, now you want to send me back out again. " he snapped.

  
Sighing her mother got carefully to her feet, "If it was up to me I would never send you away, but it isn't. Maybe when the war is over things can be different. "

  
"Sometimes I fear the war will never be over, no matter what we do, the separatists are always a step ahead, and I am tired of it." he said pacing the room, before turning back to Padme.

  
"I want to be there when our daughter is born, I want to make sure you are safe. That you both are." He added, letting his hand rest on Padmes stomach, gently rubbing it.

  
"And you will be" she answered lifting a hand to stroke his cheek, making his expression soften. "When our son is born that is" she added with a smile.

  
"Daughter" Vader replied smiling, "I bet my lightsaber on it"

  
Leia clutched at the handles of her chair feeling the fabric of Vader's cloak beneath her fingers, abruptly she let go. Daughter, why was that word so painful to her now? Once it had brought her pride, now it brought uncertainty and confusion. Especially hearing him utter it.

  
Finally the recording flickered and died, but not before Leia caught a last blurry glimpse of the hand rubbing Padme's pregnant belly, it was not made of flesh, but of metal, glimmering in black and gold.

  
She sat back in shock, not understanding why her eyesight was blurred, until she felt the traces of tears on her cheeks. She was no longer able to deny what was evident, Vader had been telling the truth, he had loved her mother, it even seemed like he had wanted his child. He had wanted her and Luke, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

  
Sitting alone in her room, she wondered yet again what had gone so wrong. What had haunted Vader's dreams, what had finally pushed him over the edge? All she knew is that it was somehow related to their mother.

  
As she curled up for bed that night her own nightmares were also coming forth, a hand in black and gold, desperately trying to break free from a chocking grasp. She knew now it was Vader's hand. Anakin's hand. Her fathers hand. The problem was she was no longer sure, exactly who was trying to break free. Her or Vader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sure a lot of you saw this coming:) I tweaked the wedding a bit to add a bit more of Anakin's personality from the TCW cartoon, not all serious.
> 
> shaak: those plump animals from the fields of Naboo


	9. The Box

Heart thudding rapidly in her chest, she sat abruptly up in the bed. Rubbing her hand around her neck yet again trying to remove the feel of ghostly fingers. What little sleep she had been able to get had been short and fitful, making her feel more exhausted now than before. Stretching she got out of bed, it was still a few hours before dawn, but she knew she would be unable to go back to sleep. Getting dressed quickly, she was about to clip on her blaster, but stopped herself frowning as she looked down at it. Deciding against it, she instead threw it on to the bed.

  
As she walked past her chair she grabbed Vader's cloak, hanging where she had left it last night, then picked up the holoprojector. Feeling a desire to put it all back, out of sight. Tip toeing she walked into the living space as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake anyone else. Especially not him, she knew to face him now would be different than it had before, something inside her had shifted, and she did not like it one bit.

  
When her eyes adjusted to the dark she could she the box on the table where Luke had left it the previous morning. She walked over intending to put the cloak inside, but when she reached over, she made the mistake of looking inside. Just on the top lay a brown tunic, exactly like the one Vader had worn in the last recording, the sight of it made her pause.

  
Putting the projector down on the table, she turned on the small light standing next to it. In that last recording Vader had been worried, frightened even, was that the how a monster behaved? Or had he once truly been someone else? Did she not owe it to herself to find out? Pulling the box towards the edge of the table, she sat down next to it on the sofa chair.

  
Reaching out she touched the fabric, it was softer then expected. Of all the images she had conjured up about a young Vader, yet unmarred and unbroken, the young man from the holo was not one of them. Unfortunately the tunic could not offer her the answers she was looking for, so she let it go.

  
Stretching out her hand again, she picked up a few of the items, some quite ordinary. A string of beads caught her interest, a strange possession for a young man, her mothers maybe. Lifting it out she let her finger trace down each bead, maybe if she held it long enough it would tell it's story, part of his story. Nothing happened off course, sighing she put it away.

  
Sticking out just beneath the tunic she spotted a small ornate box. Curiously she picked it up, opening it slowly. It contained only one solitary item, a lock of hair, neatly braided like the one from the holo recording. She nearly dropped the box, this was more than a piece of clothing, this had once been a part of him, and she got the feeling it had a deeper meaning beyond that.

  
Whatever the reason there was for keeping it, her mother had put it in this box, she was sure of it. Sitting the box down in her lap she looked down at it, trying to project the man from the holo onto the scarred visage of Vader, but it proved impossible. Were they truly the same man?

  
"Find what you were looking for?" a voice said from the dark.

  
Startled she looked up, Vader was standing in the doorway to his room, head tilted to look at her, she had been so engrossed in her own thoughts, she had not heard him approach. In a way she felt like she was caught prying into something personal, but if he did not want them to see all this would he not have pushed the box and all it's content into the water?

  
"How can I, when I don't know what I am looking for?" she replied, looking back down at the braided lock of hair in her lap. He did not reply, just stood there looking at her.

  
"You were dark blond, just like Luke" she said quietly

  
"I was many things once" he replied, his voice not giving anything away.

  
Vader moved from his position on the doorway, coming to a rest next to the chair opposite of her. "May I" he asked indicating the chair with one hand.

  
Reluctantly she nodded, there was no avoiding this, so better to just deal with him here and now. Sitting down he looked at her intently, not saying a word. It was unnerving.

  
Picking the braid up with two fingers, trying her best not to touch it too much, she held it out for him to see "What is this" she asked. Leaning closer he peered at the lock of hair. There was a brief look of shock on his face, but it vanished so fast she was not sure she had not imagined it.

  
"A padawan braid, mine as I assume you have already guessed." he said after a moments pause. Noticing her confused expression he clarified" A jedi apprentice, worn until they become full fledged jedi knights. Races without hair would often use beads, it was to clarify rank"

  
Leia put the braid back into the box, she did not like holding it. Instead she picked up the beads again "Like these?" she asked, now there was no mistaking his shock, and partly what looked like horror.

"Yes just like those" he said weakly.

  
"Who do they belong to?"

  
"It does not matter anymore, she is gone now" he almost snapped at her, an unusual reaction from someone generally so calm. Leia got the distinct feeling it did matter, quite a lot, but she decided to let the matter drop for now. What was more disturbing is that she felt no fear of him now. None at all.

  
Leia closed the small box, putting it back in the larger one, before she looked up at him again. He was imposing, even sitting down.

  
"I watched it" she told him. "The holo recording. I saw him there, the emperor" she squinted her eyes to try to make out his expression, but his face was just an impassive mask. She knew that was not why he had given them the holo, it's not what he had wanted them to see, but it was one thing she clung on to, the other parts were still to raw to contemplate.

  
Folding his arms across his chest he leaned back "What exactly are you asking me? Was I a double agent? If I told you no, would you believe me?"

  
She shrugged "Maybe, were you?

  
"No, I was not, I thought he was my friend. I could not have been more wrong"

  
Leia chose not to comment, he sounded truthful but how would she know. Feeling a sudden chill she tucked her feet under her in the chair, the cloak had fell across her legs just like a blanket.

  
"Did I wake you" she asked changing the subject.

  
Shaking his head he sat there studying her for a moment, before he leaned forward suddenly and spoke in as serious voice. "Don't walk this path alone Leia, believe me it's a lonely place"

  
She balked "I am not alone. I have Luke, I have Han" she protested, where did all this come from, and what did he know?

  
"So why haven't you told either of them of your nightmares?" He asked folding his hands together leaning backwards in the chair.

  
"How do you know about that? Are you spying on me?" Now she felt he was the one prying into her private life, and she could feel her anger building

  
"Off course not. If it wasn't obvious already that you don't sleep well" he added indicating her with one hand, just as she was about to rub a hand in her eyes, stubbornly she let it drop.

  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she interrupted him, her outrage flaring

  
"Let me finish" he answered holding his hand out in a gesture of peace. "I heard you Leia. I don't tend to sleep much"

  
He heard her? Was she talking in her sleep now, she hoped not. This entire conversation was making her feel uncomfortable,, but she could hardly run away to her room. That would be childish, besides she did not run from anyone, especially not him.

  
"I am not asking you to confide in me, but please talk to someone, before this eats you up from the inside." he continued in a low voice.

  
If not for him she would not be having these dreams in the first place, at least in part, he had no right to pry or act concerned. Now she leaned forward in the chair, eyes on him, anger was something she did know. "Would you like to know what I dream of at night?" she asked him icily.

  
"If you wish to tell me" he said calmly, not letting her bait him.

  
"I will never forget it, I cant't forget it, your hand on my shoulder as you made me watch my father die! My entire planet vaporized, that's enough to keep anyone up at night." she snapped.

  
That did warrant a reaction, and he looked down at his hands, silence stretching between them, before he finally spoke again "You loved him very much" he said without looking at her.

  
"Off course I loved him he was my father. Did you not love yours?" she spat, glaring at him, "Forget I asked clearly not"

  
"I only ever had a mother and yes I loved her." he said quietly.

  
"Well, you didn't have to watch her die"

  
"Yes, I did" he said, looking up at her face again, traces of an old wound written on his face.

  
She snapped her mouth shut, that was unexpected, her forward momentum vanished and she felt uncertain again, breaking eye contact, she instead fastened her gaze on the cloak covering her, picking at the fabric with one hand.

  
"You told no one of your nightmares then" she asked after a while "Except for Padme that is"

 

"How do you know about that? he asked, stiffening.

  
She frowned "From the holo off course, the last recording" Had he not seen it?

  
"What do you mean? " he asked her weakly, leaning slightly forward again. Leia picked up the holorecorder from the table, and held it out in her hand. Forwarding until Padmes smiling face appeared, turning it on she rested it on her palm.

  
He sat there transfixed watching Padmes laughing face. While he watched the recording, she watched him. Taking this unguarded opportunity to study his face, the combination of agony and longing written all over his face, breaking through some of her defenses. As the last image of her Vader stroking padmes belly faded, she could see young Vader superimposed on the worn man sitting before her, the contrast was staggering,

  
As the recording flickered and died, he squeezed his eyes shut, when he opened them again his eyes met hers. They just sat there staring at each other, not talking, yet she felt like a million thing were being said. Some of it things she did not want to hear, was not ready for.

  
This time he was the one that broke eye contact, shrinking in on himself putting his face in his hands, so reminiscent of what he had done all those years ago. She didn't know if it was consciously done or not, but she didn't think so, some thing did not change it seemed.

  
When he he looked back up at her, his eyes were a bit more reflective to the dim light then they had been before, and then she saw it. The eyes, they were the same, bridging the gap between the past and the present. It was the same man, no doubt about it.

  
"I had forgotten I did that, how could I forget" he said, but more to himself then to her.

  
She did not know what to say to him, she never really did. "You thought it was a girl" she asked, to fill the silence

  
"Yes dont tell Luke" he said, looking at her a bit sheepishly. "In fact I was sure, turns out we were both right"

  
Leia moved uncomfortably around in her chair, she could not take much more of this. Making her mind up, she got to her feet. "I should probably get ready, we will be leaving soon"

  
"Think about what I said Leia" he said, as she walked away

  
It was not until she had closed the door behind her she realized she had brought the cloak back into the room with her, clutching it in her hands. It was not fleeing it was a momentarily retreat. She hung the cloak back up, and decided to get ready, it would not be long now until Luke was up, and they would go and meet Jobal and Ruwee, at their mothers final resting place.


	10. The Grave

It was still early in the morning when they entered the mausoleum. Her and Luke flanked by their grandparents. It was a beautiful stone structure, a large staircase leading up to a portico before the entrance. The tomb itself contained a large stone coffin, her mother’s final resting place Leia thought sadly. Behind it was a large glass mural depicting Padme, dressed like the queen she had once been. It was hard to imagine such a beautiful creature ever having loved a man like Vader, though maybe, just maybe the man from the holo was a different story.

Speaking of Vader, he was waiting for them in front of the coffin, slightly of to one side. Hiding in the shadows as always. Luke gave him a happy greeting, she chose to ignore him, instead fastening her eyes on a plaque before the coffin. It stated her mother’s name and tenure as queen, including a reference to an unnamed child buried with her. She traced her finger along the letters, her and Luke. Believed dead with their mother, and in a sense she was looking at her own grave.

"We never named the child, just didn't have the heart" her grandmother said sadly, coming up to stand beside her. "I am glad we didn't now." she added, looking a Leia fondly, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"She was so beautiful" Leia said, turning towards her grandparents. Ruwee nodded, "Yes, always such a gentle child too, a fighter for justice, just like you. You would have made her so proud"

Luke was standing in front of the mural, taking in Padme’s presence, the light through the window gently touching his face. She followed his gaze up to their mother, and wondered what it would have been like to really know her, not just in stories and vague memories.

"What happened to her?" she asked, the question had been bothering her since the lake house, and she dreaded the answer.

Silence was her only reply, and she turned her gaze on Vader. He had reached a hand out, placing it on the coffin, a stray beam of light from the stained glass window touching his fingers. Searching his face, she looked for any reminder of the man from the holo recording. But there was no trace of beauty there now, more like the remains of a carcass picked clean by vultures, that for some reason had left the eyes intact. For having notice her stare, his blue eyes were looking back at her. She pinned him with her stare, daring him to look away. He didn't.

"How did she die?" She asked again, needing to know the truth. Her voice sounded cold, distant to her own ears. Like she was listening to herself from far away. Luke had turned back towards them, listening intently a frown on his face.

Ruwee looked very uncomfortable now, sending his wife an uncertain glance. "We are not quite certain; the official cause of death was strangulation."

Leia did not need to hear Ruwee's reply, the look on Vader's face told her everything she needed to know. Her heart started to beat faster, thudding at her rib cage, making her feel sick. For a little while there, she had started to look at him like an actual human being, like the fool she was. But he was not, he was monstrous. She had been right about him all along, there was nothing good there, there never had been.

"Father" Luke whispered miserably, staring at Vader eyes wide with horror. From the deep recesses of her mind the rage and hate she felt towards Vader exploded outwards, clearing away any confusion she had started to feel.

To her he had always been the physical manifestation of the empire. It's dark grasp reaching out and suffocating its people. Leaving them to paralyzed to move. To know that his dark fingers had once ended her mother’s light was more then she could take, and no longer could she fight back the she rage felt every time she looked at him. So she let go, unleashing all her hate at him, shouting out her fury.

Tightening her hand into a fist she walked over to Vader, reaching up she hit him straight across the face, he didn’t even flinch, just stood there motionless. Being so small in comparison she knew she had not really hurt him, but she needed to somehow, anyway she could. Perhaps if she hit one of the buttons on his chest panel, it would deactivate him like the cold heartless machine he was. A flicker of fear crossed his eyes for a moment, as he caught her expression.

Luke shouted something in the background, but she could barely hear him over the buzzing in her ears. All she could see was black, all she could hear was noise. Vader shifted slightly and her mother's serene face in came into view. The colours of the mural dancing across her stone tomb. She froze in horror as she realised the window was shaking. Vader had grabbed her by the arms, and was saying something, she did not know what. Suddenly there was a loud crack and the mural fractured, breaking Padme's face in two. Leia untangled herself from Vader, this time not bothering to try for any semblance of dignity, she turned and fled.

She did not stop until she reached daylight, where she sank down on to the ground. And there at the steps of her mother's grave, she put her face in her hands and wept. Wept like she had never wept before. Finally letting go of the torrent of grief she had been holding back since Alderaan. How long she sat there, she did not know. After a while she realised someone was stroking her, making small soothing circle on her back. She looked up, eyes red and puffy, into Jobal’s warm brown gaze.

"I am sorry about the mural" she croaked out.

Her grandmother just shook her head "It's just glass, having you here is all together so much more precious" Her look became more intent, searching. "We heard about Alderaan off course, everyone did. I can’t imagine how painful this must all be for you." she said while continuing the soothing motion. It was strangely comforting. "Though try not to hate him so"

Leia realised she must have screamed out her rage about Alderaan in front of all of them, but she was beyond caring at this point, “How can you even say that after all he has done, including killing my mother, your daughter! You can’t expect me to forgive that" she said incredulously.

Giving her a sad smile her grandmother spoke "Nor would I, however I fear the hate you carry inside you, hurts no one as much as it hurts you. She would not want that for you."

"I wish it was that easy" she replied, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away her tears

"But at least now I know where Luke’s compassionate and forgiving nature comes from. From you, through her." Leia added with a small sad smile. "However if Luke is like her, then am I like him?" she whispered looking down, finally putting words to her fear.

"No" The voice came from behind, looking back up she could see Vader standing at the top of the steps. The hood was still down, and he was squinting in the sunlight. She knew the bright light must be hurting his eyes. "No, you are not like me, you are no fool for one"

Her grandmother got up, gave Leia's shoulder a comforting squeeze, before she went back inside, leaving them there alone.

Vader took a few more tentative steps into the daylight, like he was unsure on how to proceed. Then apparently deciding, he walked down the steps, and sat down next to her. At this point she was to emotionally worn out, to muster a protest. So she let him, thankfully he kept a good distance between them.

"Did you kill her?" she asked plainly.

She felt him stiffen, looking down at his gloved hands "I spent over 20 years believing I did, and hated myself for it. Only Luke’s appearance cast that into doubt. However, I did assault her, and my actions did lead to her death. Directly or indirectly, what does it matter, I am the one to blame." squinting he looked her directly in the eyes, his own as red rimmed as hers." So yes I did kill her, and very nearly you to"

There was no mistaking the look of anguish on his face now, not wanting to see it she looked away. However, she could not help but feel a smidgen of respect for his honesty, that was something at least.

"I did not mean to, I'll admit to all sorts of deliberate cruelty, force knows I am guilty. But there is nothing I regret more. Nothing. " he added in a whisper, twisting his hands together.

Leia waited for him to say something more but he didn’t, so she turned her face to the winter sun, closing her eyes, letting it warm her as much as it could. Briefly she wondered if it would burn his pale face, and she forced herself to open them to look back at him.

"If it had been me up there on the death star with you, I would have tried to kill you. Though I fear not for justice, but for revenge. So it seems you might have wasted your efforts on the wrong twin" she told him bitterly.

He was still squinting, but she could see him contemplating her " There is much anger in you true, however I think you underestimate yourself."

She snorted " What do you call that embarrassing display then" she said while waving hand in the general direction of the mausoleum.

" I call it grief"

"And her I thought passionate emotions were the path to the dark side?" she added drily.

"They can be, however pretending you do not have these feelings is an even surer way down that dark path. I have only one advice to give you Leia, do not bear this burden alone, let the once you love help you. Do not bottle your emotions up, so that the only way they can escape is by exploding. Do not make my mistake" he said quietly.

As she listened to his words she realized that the fear she had seen reflected in his eyes had not been off her, but for her. He worried for her.

"I will not lie to you and say there is no danger to you. Yet again and again you have pushed your darker impulses away, and not ended my life. Even though no one would blame you if you did" he continued.

Leia did not know what to say, her heart was all cried out, and she felt empty. Vaguely she sensed Luke approaching, but instead of sitting down next to her he marched past until he was standing at the bottom of the steps, looking up at them, his face grave.

"Why didn't you tell me" he asked Vader with a glare, "You could have done so long before today, did we not deserve the truth?"

Vader sighed into his breather, turning his attention to Luke. "You deserve more than I can ever give you Luke, but I fear I am a selfish man. You were the first person to look at me as a real person in a very long time, and I wanted to keep you, just for a little while longer. But the truth is I am a monster Luke, nothing can change that"

Luke did not reply his face ashen, and Leia got up from her seat, to stand next him, leaving Vader sitting alone on the steps facing them, he was almost the level of her eyes in this position.

A murmur moved across the square in front of the mausoleum, Leia turned around to see a regiment of soldiers approaching, she barely remembered pushing the button on her communicator summoning them. Moving aside she let them pass, Vader made not move to protest. Just wearily got to his feet, pulling his hood up to shield his eyes from the sun.

"Let him" Leia interjected as the captain made a move to stop him. He nodded, instead cuffing Vader who now was holding his hands out towards him. As they started to move down the stairs Vader’s hesitated and stopped in front of Luke "I am sorry" he said in a meek voice, Luke just gave him one last look, before he also stepped aside.

Together they stood there watching as he was being led away, a massive form towering over the soldiers that flanked him, in front of a small gathering of curious onlookers.

"When I was up there thinking it was all over, I was grateful for one thing.” Luke said after a while, turning away from Vader retreating form towards her “That he would not be the one delivering the killing blow, that there was one line between us he would not cross, but it seems he already had, before we were even born." He looked so dejected she urged to comfort him

"I not unware of all his crimes, and this is a small thing really, in comparison to the rest, yet it hurts. Foolish I know"

"It's not foolish, or small, she was our mother" she said, reaching out to touch his arm. " You feel betrayed, and you have every right to be. But I am glad we came here, to her” she added tilting her head towards the tomb, where she could she Jobal and Ruwee standing " And to them. And for what it's worth he did bring you back to me" leaning over she hugged him "We have each other Luke"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One step forward to steps back I fear, and Leia may have lost it a bit here, but I thinks she needs to before she can move on. 
> 
> Ah yes Padme's death, I do know Anakin did not kill her, so no worries there. The thing is he doesn't know that yet, and is more then eager to take the blame, and Leia equally eager to find more reasons to hate him that's all I'll say.


	11. Missing

They had been back at the fleet for a few days now, and she was strolling down the corridor headed to Luke’s room, wanting to see how he was doing. After the shock of Vader’s confession had worn of, he seemed to be back to his old self. Reaching her hand out she knocked on the door, but there was no reply, which was strange since he had said he would be there. Something had probably come up, so she decided to head to the hangar to wait for Han to arrive instead. Just the thought of him made her smile, she had missed him terribly, at the moment he was one of the few things in her life that made sense.

Sitting on a cargo crate, she watched as the Falcon made its decent onto the landing platform. When she saw the familiar sight of Han and Chewie walking down the ramp she hopped to her feet. It was the first time she had seen them in weeks.

“Missed me princess?” Han said, when he spotted her. Rolling her eyes, she smiled “Maybe. How was the hunt?”

“Oh you know, nothing me and Chewie couldn’t handle” Chewie made some roaring sounds in agreement before heading back inside the Falcon. “We had the imperials on the run in no time”

“I am sure you did” she said fondly “Though they are stragglers, the empire is dead”

“You try to tell them that” he added, before leaning down to kiss her, stepping on her tip toes she kissed him back with everything she had, running her fingers through his thick brown hair. He took a step back, looking down at her, brows knit “Everything alright?”

Smiling at him, she could not help but wonder what had given her away “It’s nothing that can’t wait.” she told him, and it was technically the truth, but now that he was back she knew she had to tell him about Vader, but this was not the right place for that particular conversation.

“Alright, alright if you say so. Far be it for me to argue with royalty. So where is that brother of yours? We hardly got time to speak before you sent us on our merry way”

“He should be around here somewhere, I haven’t seen him since last night.”

“Well I am starving so while we wait for him let’s get something to eat” Han replied, taking her hand, tugging her towards the mess hall. Smiling she let him lead her away, all her worries forgotten for a moment.

The next morning there was still no signs of Luke, so she decided to head back to the hanger to look for his fighter, but it was not in its usual spot. Walking over to the hanger chief, she asked him to look though the departure log.

“Everything seems to be in order your highness, the general took his fighter out two days ago, at least that’s what the log says.” He replied pointing down at the specified entry. His was a short man, rather non-descript, but his face looked familiar to her. “Did he specify a location?” she asked frowning, it was odd that Luke would have gone off without first saying goodbye.

His dark eyes searched the log again “No, not as I can see, your highness” It hit her then where she knew him from, he was a survivor of Alderaan just like her. Since its destruction the alliance had been flooded with new recruits, men and women who had lost their homes, and now had nothing left to loose. Many of them still referred to her as your highness. Even if the title held no real political power, it had meaning to the people, especially since so few of them remained.

“Thank you, if he does return inform me immediately” she said, returning her focus back to the man in front of her.

“Yes off course your highness” The word should have reassured here everything was in order, but as she left the hangar an eerie feeling of wrongness crawled down her spine.

By the evening there were still no signs of him, she had spent the day asking around if anyone had seen him, with no success. The feeling of dread had grown, causing her to break out in cold sweats. So now she found herself back again at his room. Not bothering to knock this time, she entered, it was as she expected empty. Not liking the idea of rifling through his things, she still had a look around for any clues to where he might have gone. But the room was pristine, showing no trace of him.

Leia could no longer deny that something was wrong, but so far all she had to go by was a bad feeling, hardly damning evidence of a wrong doing. She feared there was only one person around here that would believe her, and she had put of going to see him. Now as she looked around the empty room, she knew she no longer had a choice. Shutting the door behind her, she left Luke’s room and headed in the direction of the cells.

When she had reached her destination, she just stood there for a while hand pressed on the door release, just looking at the cell door like it was an impassable obstacle in her path. It wasn’t until one of the guards coughed, she forced herself to press it, standing out here would do Luke no good. Reluctantly she stepped into the room, she had not seen Vader since their return from Naboo, not even in an official capacity, yet annoyingly enough he had never been far from her mind.

His cell was sparsely furnished, containing a bed, a small table, and a large chair, not that he was sitting in it at the moment, but on the floor cross legged, eyes closed. The moment the door slid shut behind her, he opened them and focused his gaze on her.

“Something is wrong isn’t” he stated matter of factly.

Biting her lip, she looked around the room again, never having actually been in his cell before, before she had always had him brought to her. Never had she actually gone to him, not until now., not since that first day.

“I don’t know, Luke is missing, or he has gone away. I am not sure” Facing away from him she paced the length of the small room. “The docking records are in order, but no one knows where he has gone. Has he been here to see you?”

“No, but he was rather upset with me, he might just need some time alone” he offered.

“Luke is not one to bear a grudge for long, and he wouldn’t leave without telling me.” She replied, turning back to look down at him. “Han says I am overreacting, that he will be back anytime now. It’s just that I can’t shake this feeling that something is very wrong.” She said, her words coming out in a rush, but she couldn’t help it. “I was wondering if maybe you had sensed something?”

Vader closed his eyes again for a moment, and she felt his presence grow brighter again, like it had on back on Naboo. “I have sensed a disturbance in the force, but I would know if Luke was seriously hurt” he replied, opening them and getting to his feet.

“So would I, but I am unable to sense where he is, maybe you can?” she knew she sounded agitated, but Luke was the only family she had left.

“If I could sense where Luke was at any time, you would never have been able to escape me in the past. He is probably just too far away Leia.” He told her, patiently.

She walked over to the chair, and sat down perching on its edge. What was she even doing her? This was all nonsense, but she didn’t know where else to turn.  

“Have you had any more dreams, maybe about Luke?” he asked casually, but she wasn’t fooled.

“No” and she hadn’t, after her return from Naboo she had mostly slept all through the night, in fact if not for Luke’s disappearance, she felt more rested then she had in weeks, maybe her little outburst had helped, or she was simply too exhausted to dream.

“Good” He replied, leaning up against the wall in front of her, and she could tell he was relieved. “You have strong instincts Leia, trust in them.”

Normally she did, but this was all new to her, her use of the force rudimentary at best. Unfortunately, the only one available to help her now was Vader, and she didn’t know if she trusted him.

“Where was he last seen? Go there. Use your senses, maybe you will have a vision that can help.” He added.

“I don’t know how” she snapped at him. Angrier with herself than him, if she hadn’t been so stubborn when Luke had offered to teach her, maybe she would know. Trying to calm herself she took a deep breath, before speaking again, forcing the uncomfortable words out. “Will you help me?”

“You know I will Leia” he replied softly, as he moved of the wall coming closer towards her.

Getting to her feet, she reluctantly had to admit she did know. Even after everything, some part of her had started believing in him, or else she wouldn’t be there right now. It was an altogether uncomfortable thought, too complacent for her liking, but for Luke’s sake she would risk it.

“I think we should start with Luke’s room, and I would rather no one knew about this. Also I have to put these on” she told him, picking up the handcuffs she had brought just in case” And you will do exactly as I say at all times, do you hear me?"

He nodded, offering her his wrists.

"Promise me" she asked, searching his eyes, after locking the handcuffs.

"I promise Leia" he replied, his blue eyes honest. Satisfied with what she saw there, she led him to the door.

“Where are you taking the prisoner?” one of the guards asked as they stepped into the corridor.   

“For a medical check-up” she told him, pushing Vader ahead of her.

“I have had no clearance for that”

“You have now” she said, staring the man down with her iciest glare. 

“Yes, mam” he mumbled letting them pass. Vader gave her an amused look. 

“You would have made you mother proud.” he added, when they had walked out of sight of the guards. Even if Padme still was a sore spot between them she couldn’t help the small smile that started tugging at her lips, she would’ve liked that.

When they reached Luke’s room, she closed the door behind them and removed the handcuffs, they were all for show anyway, he could probably easily break them. Let loose Vader closed his eyes for a moment, before he started walking around the room.

“Do you sense anything?” she asked, trying not to sound to hopeful.

“Are you always this impatient?” he asked, while leaning down on the floor, looking underneath the bunk bed.

“When my brother’s life may be at stake. Yes, I am” she said, coming to stand beside him. He was holding a small thin metal piece in his hand. “I don’t think that piece of junk will tell us where Luke is, he has probably just been tinkering with something”

Vader turned the piece around in his hand, studying it “This is not junk. It’s a piece of an astromech droid, specifically an R2 unit.”

She hadn’t even thought about Artoo, had just assumed he had been with Luke, but if something had happened to Luke, then where was the droid? “He might just have dropped it during repairs, it doesn’t have to mean anything” she said, unconvinced by her own words.

“That might be, but where would be the best place to dispose of the rest of him?” Vader asked, looking at her.

“There are garbage chutes on each floor but they are emptied at regular intervals”

“Then I suggest we hurry” he replied, getting to his feet. Together they went back into the corridor checking each chute. When she was about to give up, she finally caught a glimpse of a round head, at the bottom of the last one.

“Over here, I think I found him. I will send someone down to fish him out” she called out to Vader, who came over peeked into the chute, and with a flick of his hand Artoo started floating upwards, before landing softly on the corridor floor in front of her. That was kind of useful, she had to admit.

Artoo’s doomed head was hanging off, and there were several broken pieces, and loose wiring sticking out. “Oh no Artoo, what happened to you?” she asked, kneeling in front of him, but he made no beep in reply. Vader kneeled down next to her “I only caught a brief image, but I think he tried to defend Luke.”

That sounded just like Artoo she thought sadly. Frowning she reached out a hand to touch him, the droid had been more loyal then most men she knew. Losing him would devastate Luke, and herself if she was honest. They would never have gotten this far without him.

“I can fix him Leia” Vader said gently.

Blinking she nodded, before letting her hand come to rest on Artoo’s broken form. As she did an image flashed across her mind. Her and Vader on a dreary damp planet, surrounded by swamp, and a voice in her head whispered her name. Shocked she let go, and would have fallen backwards if Vader hadn’t reached out a hand to steady her.

“What is it, did you see something?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Dagobah” she whispered to herself, to distracted to shrug Vader off.

“Dagobah? Is Luke there?” Vader asked more urgently this time. Coming to herself again, she got up. “I am not sure, but I know we have to go there at once”

“We? Your taking me with you?” he asked her in surprise.  

“Apparently I am, come we should hurry” she said, wondering if she somewhere along the line had lost her mind. Together they started walking back down the corridor.

 “How long can you keep this up?” she asked Vader, looking at Artoo rolling ahead of them, to any onlookers it would look like he was doing it by his own accord, though his head was still hanging at an odd angle. Unfortunately, they had no luck in reactivating him.

“For as long as it takes us to get where we are going” he replied, not even looking like he was concentrating. “it’s a bit creepy” she said.

Just as they were about to turn around a corner in the corridor, Leia heard voices approaching, quickly she opened the door closest to her an ushered Vader in, after Artoo was safely inside she shut the door behind them.

“You’re to recognisable, it will take us forever to get there if we move at this pace.” She told him.

“May I ask why we are hiding?” he asked quizzically, folding his hands across his chest. “These are your people surely this is unnecessary?”

“I told you I would rather no one knew about this. For my own reasons”

“You don’t trust them” he stated, she ignored him. “You stay here, I have something to take care off. If you leave remember I can track you!”

Vader looked around the small space “It’s a cupboard, this is highly undignified.” Leia got the distinct feeling he was teasing her.

“Well you did promise to do everything I told you” she said, giving him a small smirk, and the last thing she saw before she closed the door in his face, was his eyes widen in surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have been feeling a bit silly when I wrote the last bit;) But it can't be all dreary all the time.


	12. Departure

After having disposed of Vader, she was able to move more freely, rushing down the corridor she pressed her comlink repeatedly. “Han please respond”. After several minutes of static, Han’s familiar voice appeared on the other end. “I knew you couldn’t stay away from me for too long”

“Han, this is not the time for this. I need you and Chewie to take the Falcon to the starboard hangar. We are going after Luke. And bring threepio.”

There was silence for a little while before he responded, sounding serious “The kid’s really is in trouble isn’t he”

“I think so, I’ll explain everything when I get there.” She replied, turning the corridor heading in the direction of the med bay. It was pretty empty at the moment, which suited her just fine.

“Ok, we are on our way. But I thought the starboard hanger was undergoing repairs?”

“Just do it Han, trust me, I will be there soon” Before he had a chance to respond, she turned to comlink of. Heading towards Doctor Kian’s office, she entered after a brief knock. He was sitting behind his desk, busy working on his data pad.

“Your highness, it’s good to see you, anything I can help you with?” he said looking up at her a fond expression on his face.

“There is, a matter of fact” she said approaching his desk “Luke is missing, and I am going after him” Then after a brief pause, she said the words that proved she was finally losing her mind “And I intend to bring Vader with me, but no one can know.”

Doctor Kian didn’t reply at first, just leaned back in his seat looking at her, brows furrowed. Just a she was about to start the speech she had made up in her head on the way here, to convince him. He spoke. “Alright what do you need me to do?”

She blinked, that was it? She had expected a protest at least. Narrowing her eyes, she studied him. “You know, don’t you?” she asked him, as the realisation hit her. Was she the last one to know the truth? “How long?”

His flinch gave her the answer. “All this time and you never told me?”

“I made a promise to your father Leia” he said looking guilty.

“Which one?” she bit out.

“Bail off course, you know that”

Shaking her head, she glared at him “I am in a hurry, so this conversation will have to wait, but we are not done with this!” she told him, managing to push back her disappointment. “In the meantime, what I need you to do is cover for me, claim Vader has had a medical emergency. You are his doctor they will believe you.”

“Off course your highness, but why all this secrecy” he asked, frowning in confusion.

Sighing she sat down on a chair in front of the desk “Because of Luke off course, he is a Jedi, you know what he is capable of. Yet someone managed to take him from his room, without anyone seeing or hearing anything. Either someone very skilled manged to sneak aboard our ship, take him and dispose of his fighter and Artoo and vanish. Or” she trailed off.

“Or we have a traitor among us” Kian finished for her, leaning forward running a hand through his white hair.

“Exactly, or several” she said, looking back at him “And I would rather they did not know we were on to them. They went through a great deal of effort to make us believe Luke left on his own accord. Let them believe we believe it.” Someone of the evasive answers she had received earlier had started to raise her suspicion, but what she needed now was proof. If they hurt Luke she would make them pay, but for now she would be patient.

“Are you certain he is alive then?” he asked her cautiously. She didn’t like the traces of pity she spotted in his eyes.

“I would know if he was dead” she said firmly, Luke was alive she knew it.

He nodded, taking her at her word. “Are you thinking imperials then? It could be vengeance, after all Luke has done more than most to destroy the empire.”

“I don’t know, but I intend to find out.” She told him, getting out of the chair.” While I am gone I want you to do some research, anything you can find. Who had access to Luke’s fighter, the log, personnel on unauthorised leave, anything suspicious. But be careful.” She turned away to leave.

“Wait Leia, you will need this.” Doctor Kian got to his feet, moving over to a set of shelves, when he returned he offered her a container.

Curiously she opened it, and felt herself go pale when she spotted Vader’s black mask gleaming in the light. “I don’t want this” she told him, trying to push the container back into his hands, but he refused to take it. “I can’t believe you even kept this thing” It was unsettling to admit to herself, but she had started to separate this Vader from the other one, the one with the gentle blue eyes. But it was the same man, wasn’t it?

“Wherever you are headed, I imagine trouble lies ahead, and he is very vulnerable with just his breather on. Take it Leia, for his sake”

“Very well” she grumbled, but what she really wanted to do was to throw it down the nearest garbage chute. Which was strange, any reminder of what he was, what he had been, was good thing surely? She was half afraid a part of her didn’t want to remember.

 **“** And where is Vader now?” Doctor Kian asked, bringer her back to the present.

“He is around” she said evasively, hoping he had done what she told him. If not she would lock him up for good. “I should probably go find him. But remember to be careful, I am putting my trust in you.”

He nodded “I will do what I can, but are certain you don’t want to raise the alarm?”

“Yes. If we have traitors we need to flush them out, we may have won over the empire but we are not on solid ground yet. If we cannot trust our own, then who can we trust?” And with a last goodbye she headed back towards Vader’s hiding spot.

Leia found him just where she had left him, clutching the container in one hand, she studied his pale face, he looked friendly, kind even. But she held the evidence of what he was capable of in her hand. The man behind that mask had known no mercy, was she being a fool putting her faith in him now? She shook her head slightly, it was too late for regret, she had set her course of action and she would follow through.

During her absence it seemed Vader had done some work to Artoo, as his head was no longer hanging off, but there were no reassuring chirps coming from the little droid. Noticing the direction of her stare, Vader spoke. “The damage is not as bad as it looks, with the right equipment I should be able to repair him”

She nodded “The Falcon should have what you need. Come” Turning away from him, she led them down a less frequented corridor, in direction of the hanger, where she hoped Han was already waiting.

To her relief when they entered the derelict hanger, the Millennium Falcon was already there. Evidence of repairs littered the large open space, but her luck seemed to be holding as it was empty except for her, Vader and Han. Who when he spotted her made an immediate grab for his blaster, pointing it straight at Vader. “Get away from her” he hissed. “Chewie get down here” he yelled back towards the Falcon, his eyes never leaving Vader.

“No, it’s alright” She said, placing herself between Vader and Han’s blaster. “I brought him here” Han’s eyes went even wide, and he looked between her and Vader in confusion.

She opened her mouth to explain, but Chewie came running down the ramp faster than she could blink, going for Vader's throat with a growl. It would not surprise her if he actually could rip a man’s arm of with is bare hands, but this was hardly the time or the place to test that theory, though it would be some kind of justice if she let him choke Vader to death she thought drily.

Vader om the other hand was busy trying to keep Chewies arm’s length away, and was holding him tightly by the wrist, his mechanical arms having super strength of their own. "Get the wookie of me" he grumbled, but made no move to attack. Leia pushed her vengeful thoughts away and approached Chewie, putting a hand on his arm.

"Chewie please let him go, we need him to find Luke" at the mention of Luke's name Chewie looked at her, and roared something she didn't understand, but she thought it was a reluctant agreement for now, because he stopped, and Vader let his arms go, taking a step away.

 **"** No hold on here a moment princess, you can't be doing what I think you are doing" Han said pacing in front of the falcon, before he stopped and pointed a finger at Vader.

"I am not letting him anywhere the Falcon. Not until you tell me what is going on. Have you forgotten what he did to me, to Luke, to you? And don’t think I don’t know you are hiding something from me"

Han always kept a brave face of bravado, but she knew what had happened to him, had startled him to the core. Nor had she forgotten her own terror, and the thought she may never see him again. Crossing the distance between them she reached out a hand cupping his cheek, making him look down at her. "I will never forget what he did Han, never. But he can help us find Luke, you need to trust me on this"

Han gave her a reluctant smile, shaking his head. " You are crazy princess do you know that, why would he help us?"

Leia looked past Han towards Vader, who was standing at the side, trying to look inconspicuous and failing miserably. This time was so very different from the last time, when they had been his prisoners, and now he was hers. He met her gaze, then he looked at Han, then back at her before he turned slightly away, avoiding her gaze.

She turned away to face Han, he deserved to know the truth. All of it. Her palms had suddenly gone sweaty, so she tightened the hand holding the container with Vader’s mask, afraid she might drop it. At the same time as she wanted to throw it away as far as she could. This was it, she could not put it of any longer.

Sensing what she was about to do Vader spoke " I will give you some privacy” he said, starting to move away.

"No" Leia snapped “You stay her” Vader stopped in his tracks, shrugging "As you wish" She was not even sure why she had wanted him to stay.

Han's mouth opened wide, snapping it shut he shoot her an incredulous stare, Chewie made some strange rumbling sound in his throat she had never heard before.

"What have you done to him? " Han asked, stealing another glance at Vader.

"Nothing, he did it to himself, I don’t quite understand it." Swallowing she looked down at her feet, she knew Han would not judge her, still this was harder than she had thought it would be.

Steeling herself she turned her face up and just said it " He will help us, because he is Luke's father."

Heart beating nervously in her chest she studied Han's expression, he blinked, before staring at her in disbelief. " I though the kid said his father was a fancy star pilot or something. A Jedi."

"He was once" Leia answered, and it was the truth, she knew that now.

"But Luke is your brother" he stammered, as the final piece of the puzzle slotted into place. "He is your father?" He added incredulously, "How is that even possible" he asked, taking a step back ruffling his own hair, before looking Vader up and down, "He is a machine"

"He was once Anakin Skywalker, Luke's father, and mine." she said, the words were out now, and she couldn’t take them back.

“Not much of a family resemblance. Hey, wait hold on here a moment. This is not why you sent us away is it” he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously “Because you were afraid to tell me?”

“Partly” she admitted, and she couldn’t avoid seeing the brief flash of hurt on his face, though he quickly covered it up. “But only because if I didn’t tell you, I could pretend it wasn’t true. But I can’t pretend any longer” she looked up at him beseechingly. “Please don’t fight me on this, just trust me, I know what I am doing” And she sincerely hoped she did, if she was wrong about Vader the result of this could be catastrophic.

Han still looked unconvinced. “Isn’t he a wanted prisoner? We can’t just take him”

“Since when did you start following the rules, and besides you keep bragging about how fast the Falcon is, we will be there and back before anyone notices. Doctor Kian is covering for us” she knew he was just fishing for excuses to get out of this, but she wasn’t having any of it.

“You have really thought this through, haven’t you?” he asked, and she could tell he was relenting.

“Yes, and let’s just get out of here, before anyone notices, I’ll explain everything on the way”

Han gave Vader one last scathing look, before he nodded. “For the record I think this is very bad idea” he said, now pointing his finger in her face. “But I’ll do this for Luke” With that turned away from her and headed up the ramp. She indicated for Vader to follow, Chewie growled deeply in the back of his throat as they walked past, before he took up the rear, and followed them inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It did occur to me I might not have been very clear in what happened to Luke, I hope this helps a bit, I am learning as I go along her:)


	13. Artoo

Leia looked out the viewport, as thousands of stars flew by in a blink of an eye. Somewhere out there on one of them was Luke, she could only hope it was the one they were headed to now.

“You know I am with you to the end, but are you sure about this. Vader hasn’t done something to you has he, one of those mind tricks?” Han asked in a cautious whisper, his eyes darting around the cockpit.

“No Han, how many times to I have to tell you. If he could bend me to his will he would have done it at the death star. It doesn’t work like that”

“How would I know.” He shrugged. “A few years back I would have said all of this was nonsense. Now look at me, I have Darth Vader in my cargo hold, willingly.” He massaged his neck with one hand, “This is crazy. How can you be sure he is not the one behind all this? That he didn’t plan all of it, so he could get a hold of you both?”

Leia couldn’t deny the though had crossed her mind, but she had dismissed it as quickly, somehow she just knew it wasn’t him. “I just do” Han eyed her dubiously but apparently gave up on the subject for now, and she turned her focus back to the viewport.

“I don’t look anything like him” she snapped at him, when she caught him studying her out the corner of his eyes for the third time.

“Hmm, wonder what you would look like in black” he said, openly studying her now, eyes warm. Almost making her blush.

“Stop it. If anything I look more like my mother.” She told him.

“Your mother? Now there’s a thought. What kind of woman would be with Vader” he leaned over, whispering quietly to her. “It’s just that I can’t imagine him” Han tilted his head down the corridor “You know, doing that”

Leia reared backed horrified “I am going to pretend you just didn’t say that” Chewie started chuckling at her obvious embarrassment, shoulders shaking.

“Do what?” Threepio asked, and Leia groaned, adding to Han’s amusement.

“Speaking of Vader I should probably go check on him” she said, getting out of her seat and this awkward conversation. Leaning down she kissed Han on the cheek before she whispered in his ear “And I don’t think he can hear you from here” Han did not look convinced.

Turning around she left the cockpit and headed in the direction of one of the smaller cargo holds, where Vader had wisely retreated with the pieces of Artoo, something Chewie did not approve of, but he was too busy doing other repairs to have time to do it himself at the moment. The Falcon always needs repairs she mused as she walked down the corridor.

Before she reached the bend in the Falcon that led to Vader’s compartment, she was relieved to hear Artoo’s familiar beep, chirping very animatedly.

“Yes, I am sure it was very traumatic” Vader replied, in a soothing voice. Leia stopped before he noticed her approach, carefully listening to him speak. He sounded different, younger somehow. Artoo responded with more distressed beeps.

“Don’t worry Artoo we will find him, I promise”

Walking quietly towards the opening she peaked in at them, Vader was sitting on his knees in front of the little droid, wrench in hand, finishing up the last of the repairs. By now Artoo looked no worse for wear.

“That’s should do it” he said, giving Artoo a pat on his domed head before putting the wrench away.  “You are just as good as new, buddy”

Artoo rolled away from Vader, spinning around a few times, stretching out his pincers and sensors, before he rolled back to Vader, hitting his knee with an affectionate coo. Vader responded by giving the droid another gentle pat on the head. It was oddly touching.

“You can come in now Leia” he said after a while, startling her. How long had he known she had been standing there? She felt a bit embarrassed, like she had been caught spying. Clearing her throat, she walked over the threshold.

“I see Artoo is back in good shape then” she said looking down at the droid, who was spinning around her now, in happy greeting, causing her to smile. “Does he have any more information to share about what happened?”

Vader shook his head, standing up. “I am afraid not, not much more then we already surmised. From what I gather Luke retired for the night, and went to sleep. Later two men entered the room. Artoo tried to wake Luke. When that did not work he did his best to stop them, unfortunately it was not enough.”

Artoo started wobbling from leg to leg, shaking in distress. “It’s ok Artoo, you did your best” she told him in a soft voice, and he finally settled down with an unhappy coo.

“It is as I feared then, someone must have drugged him. It’s the only explanation in how they could so easily have taken him down. The question is why?” she said, pacing worriedly around the room. “We are no further than we were before” she stopping to turn and face him, unable to hide her disappointment.

“Take heart, whoever took him were not expecting you to catch on so quick, and they clearly want him alive” Vader replied calmly.

“For now, but how long will that last?” she asked, wondering how he could stay so annoyingly calm.

“Artoo did however offer us the coordinates to the location Luke last visited on Dagobah, which should narrow done our search considerably. That is if you still intend to go there?” he added, and she noticed he had not responded to her question, but then again what could he say?

“Yes I think is the best idea for the moment, we have no other clues to go by. If it even is a clue, not just my imagination.”

“Trust your instincts Leia”

There was that word again, instinct. Hers was crying out to her, but how could she tell the truth from imagination? Hopefully it was right about the man in front of her, one who was surprisingly kind to Artoo.

“Luke said you two knew each other from before” she asked, indicating the droid. After having watched them together there was obviously some kind of bond between the two, and she had to admit she was curious.

“Yes he was a gift” Vader replied with a fond smile, looking down at him. “From your mother when I became a Jedi knight, that’s when I gave her my braid. Had many great adventures he and I” Artoo rolled up to stand next to Vader, beeping in confirmation.

“He was yours? But doesn’t that mean he knew all along. About you, about everything!” she asked stunned, narrowing her eyes at the droid, who rolled behind Vader’s cloak, the little traitor.

“Yes” His small smile vanished like it had never been, and his face was yet again creased in shadows.

“He never said anything? All this time he knew, and kept it to himself!” She felt herself getting agitated, how many more had kept her in the dark? She shot Artoo another glare, but he was still hiding behind Vader. Like that would stop her.  

“And what would have happened if he did?” Vader asked, sounding tired.

“Luke would have gone after you” she sighed, and that would have been a bad idea, but perhaps they would have known about each other earlier. Maybe things could have been different.

“Exactly and if I had gotten to him before Obi Wan and Yoda did. I would have ended up killing him, or worse destroying him” his voice trailed off, before he shook his head slightly, picking up a wrench fiddling with it “He should have run in the other direction as far away from me as possible. Not try to save the father that abandoned him, that hurt him.” he said quietly, closing his eyes like he was recalling a particularly painful memory,

She scoffed at him “You know that is not who Luke is”

“I know” he replied, opening his eyes, a small trace of his previous smile reappearing. It didn’t last.

“Artoo was there when it happened, Leia. “he said quietly, putting the wrench down on a nearby cargo crate, before he turned to face her. “When I turned from husband to abuser. From a lover to an enemy. I am glad he protected you from that, and from bearing the burden of my blood. It was not yours to carry.” He looked up at her as he spoke, and she could see the sadness lurking behind his eyes. The utter self-loathing, and at that moment she started to realise just to what extent he hated himself. She looked away, not wanting his pain, she had enough with her own.

The room was silent, only filled by the quiet humming from the Falcon, until Artoo let out a cautious beep, to check if it was safe to reappear from behind Vader’ cloak. Leia wasn’t sure, so many had hidden the truth from her. They may have done it to protect her, but they had also left her ignorant, she hated that feeling.

“If there is one thing I miss about the dark side” Vader said after a while, and she could feel herself stiffening, seeing it he added “You need not worry, I am done with that” Leia wished she could believe him, but he had turned once, what would prevent him from doing so again?              

“What I miss is being so deeply buried there is no guilt, no nothing. just rage and emptiness. Now it’s everywhere.” He said, looking around the room like guilt was something tangible he could see and touch. As Leia’s eyes followed his gaze the room suddenly started to shake. Finally showing himself Artoo rolled forward shrieking. Reaching out a hand, she grabbed onto to the wall to keep herself from falling, eyeing Vader warily.

“I am not the one doing this” he said, before another shake almost threw him of balance. The wrench went flying of the crate, hitting the floor just in front of her.

With a groan she turned and ran in the direction of the cockpit, Vader following close behind. Han was cursing under his breath when they got there. Through the viewport she could see nothing but white fog, intercepted only by brief flashes of bright light. They must have entered the atmosphere straight into a powerful electrical storm.

“Let me land” Vader said, following her into the cockpit, addressing Han.” Your instruments are useless here, I can land using the force”

“Nah ah, nothing going to happen, you are not touching the Falcon” Han replied, pushing another button on the panel in front of him, but several more just started flashing ominously. “Chewie fix this” he bellowed out of the cockpit, getting little more than a growl in return.

“Are you actually going too crash, rather than letting me land this bucket of bolts?” Vader asked.

“I take it back” Han snapped, glaring at her now. “I can definitely see the family resemblance” Before she had a chance to reply to that statement, another rush of turbulence hit, and she grabbed a hold of the seat in front of her.

“Blast, we have lost the deflector shield.”

“Lost it, what do you mean lost it” she asked angrily. Before she could offer him another tirade, the Falcon shook turning sharply to the right so fast, she hit her head one of the side panels. She could feel the warm stickiness of blood running down her forehead, and the last thing she saw before she fell to the ground, was Vader raising a gloved hand towards Han, causing him to fall limp down in his seat. Threepio muttering about murder in the background.


	14. An old friend

“Leia?”

“mmm” she replied, stretching her arms out, it was warm and soft here, and she did not want to wake up just yet.

“You need to wake up Leia” Now the voice was closer and someone was shaking her gently. Slowly she opened her eyes. Vader was staring down at her, a hand on her shoulder. With a groan she sat carefully sat up in the bed, and he let her go. “How did I get here?”

“I carried you”

“You picked me up?” she asked abhorred, not liking the thought of Vader carrying her anywhere.

“Evidently” he said, indicating the bed she was lying in “But if it makes you feel any better I picked you all up, including the wookie” That image almost made Leia smile, almost. But then she remembered what he had done to Han, and apparently to Chewie.

“Where is Han” she asked, retreating as far away from him as she possible could, in the enclosed space of the bed, letting her hand move slowly underneath the blanket down towards her belt, to get to her blaster. When she could feel its familiar handle beneath her fingers she tightened her grip around it, ready to strike.

Seeing her movement, a sad expression crossed his face, and he shifted slightly offering her the view of the bed just across from her, where Han seemed to sleep peacefully, his chest raising and falling steadily.

“You shouldn’t have done that” she told him furiously, letting out a breath in relief that Han was ok, but she did not let go of the handle. She was becoming increasingly aware of just how powerful the man in front of her was, and how easily he could take them all out if he wished. And she was the one that had let him out.

He sighed, “It was unfortunate, but by the time you two had stopped bickering, we would already have crash-landed on the planet. As for the wookie he tried to attack me again, I had no choice”

“Han will never forgive you for this, or me for that sake” she said, but she finally let go of the blaster, it was done. No point in arguing about it, especially since her head was pounding. Carefully she lifted her hand to her temple to feel for any blood, it came away clean, a small bandage the only evidence of any injury, that and her aching head. Seems Vader had taken to fixing her as well as Artoo now, who she just noticed was standing at the head of her bed, clucking worriedly.

“Add it to my list of sins, what matters is that you are safe” he said wearily, and she looked up at him, realising for the first time the Falcon was no longer shaking.

“You managed to land the Falcon?” she asked, sitting further up in the bed, her head spinning so fast, she almost dropped back down. Vader looked a bit offended at her question, “I can land anything. However, we sustained some damage, which would not have happened if your smuggler had let me land it in the first place. Nor would you have been hurt.” he stated, sounding cross.

Leia sighed while waiting for her head to clear. “May I remind you, you did freeze said smuggler in carbonite? You should be glad he let you aboard the ship in the first place. Now move so I can get out of this bed.”

Relenting he moved to the side. Carefully she stood up, her knees nearly buckling under her as the room kept spinning. Vader reached a hand out to steady her, but she avoided it. “I can manage” she told him, but paused when she saw his expression, he looked genuinely worried. “Thank you for helping me” she told him, begrudgingly, because he had helped her, even if his methods were questionable.

“Anytime Leia” he told her, with a small smile. She turned away at the sight, deciding instead to check on Han and Chewie. The wookie was lying on another bed, his long limbs poking out at all angels, but he seemed no worse for wear. Crossing the room slowly she shook Han awake. “Han are you alright”

Han jumped to his feet hitting his head on the top of the bed with a curse, before gathering himself and pulling his blaster on Vader again “I told you this was a bad idea” he spluttered.

Vader had come up to stand next to her, arms folded across his chest. “It was necessary” he said.

“Now listen here, my lord” Han spat, waving his blaster in Vader’s face “This is my ship, you had no right to do that”

“Leia got hurt because of your stubbornness” Vader told him, not even remotely bothered by the blaster in his face.

“Hah, like you care. Where were you when she really needed you? Did you save her from the empire, did you keep her safe?” Han said, moving closer to Vader “No, you tortured her. And I don’t know what is going on here. But as far as I am concerned you deserve to die, and I am more than happy to oblige”

Leia looked on in shock as Han finished his speech, she understood his rage, Vader had hurt them all. Her logical mind told her she was insane for bringing him here, but the force told her told her otherwise. But which was she supposed to trust?

Vader had let his arms fall down his sides, looking stricken. “Your right” he said quietly. “I do deserve to die. But not until my son is safe. Then you can shoot me if you wish” Han blinked, tightening his hold on his blaster.

“Stop it, the both of you” she said, stepping in between them, suddenly angry with them both “We have no time for this” Turning to Han, she pushed his blaster down.

“Please Han, you get started with the repairs. I will take and Vader and go look for Luke, this is why we came here after all”

“And you” she turned back to Vader, “We should probably go before Chewie wakes up. And this time I just might let him rip your arm off” Then she turned on her heal, not bothering to listen to their replies, and headed towards the boarding ramp. Vader caught up to her, just as the ramp finished lowering, and she headed out onto the planet’s surface.

Artoo started rolling down the ramp to follow them. “You stay with the ship Artoo.” Vader told him, making the droid abruptly stop his downward decent, and utter some sad coos and beeps, before becoming agitated, causing Vader to flinch. “I only meant” he continued. But before he could finish, Artoo was all the way down the ramp, having extended one of his prods, giving Vader a brief electric shock, causing him to jump backwards a step. Leia had to lift a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter, the sight removing the last traces of her anger.  

“I only meant so you could help with the repairs” Vader said, trying again, while keeping his distance from the droid, who still had his prod outstretched, making threatening jabs in Vader’s direction.

“Don’t worry Artoo. Besides if I do something stupid, Leia here will shoot me” he added, indicating her with one hand.

Following the line of his hand, Artoo spun his head towards her, then back to Vader, uttering an affirmative beep, slowly retracting his prod, before turning around and starting back up towards the Falcon

“I suppose I should be grateful for that vote of confidence” she said, managing not to laugh. “But what was that about?”

“That the last time I left him behind, I did not return. Not really.” He replied, pulling his hood up, “Come, this is no place to linger” And he sat of towards the swamp, leaving her no choice but to follow.

"Well it’s certainly a dismal place" she muttered to herself after they had walked for a while side by side, further into the swamp. There was a layer of fog hugging the ground, it’s wispy tendrils crawling up her boots as they walked. She sidestepped a small puddle not wishing to get them wet, Vader did not seem to mind, wading through with long strides, making her increase her pace to keep up with him.

All of a sudden he stopped turning to face her, his eyes barely visible beneath his hood. "I agree" he said, turning his head around taking in their surroundings "I do not sense Luke"

Neither did she, carefully she let her senses feel for his presence again, but what came back was confusing "It's so noisy" she said, rubbing her temples, her head still hurt.

"Yes, making it a perfect place to hide" They set of again searching for any semblance of sentient life, or traces of Luke. There was nothing just the sound of the local wildlife, all in all the place was creepy, why Luke would ever go to such a bleak place was beyond her.  

"He is not here, this is pointless" she said after a while, "If he was here, I would have sensed him by now, we should leave"

"Patience" Vader said, holding up a hand to silence her, the gesture rising her ire. Before she had a chance to tell him exactly what she thought of him at that moment, he spoke " Wait I sense something" Moving away from her, he walked further into too thick of the swamp until they reached a small clearing next to a large fallen three, an old man was sitting on it, watching them. After being forced to stomp after Vader to keep up, her feet were soaked through, not adding to her current mood.

“Obi Wan” Vader said in a weary voice, Leia had to peak out from Vader’s side to get a good look at the man “But he is dead, you killed him.” That’s when she noticed the man in front of her shimmered ever so slightly, and she could almost she through him. She blinked, this wasn’t happening.

“Nothing ever truly dies, Leia” Obi Wan said, smiling at her. “Your powers seem to have grown, I see”

Had they? Leia could not say if she liked that idea, especially if it meant she would start seeing dead people, she had to many ghosts in her past to ever contemplate. “I suppose” she offered, but Obi Wan had already turned his attention away from her, towards Vader. Getting to his feet, he slowly approached Vader, who had not moved from the spot since they entered the small clearing. Being the shorter of the two, Obi Wan looked up beneath Vader’s hood an uncertain look on his face.

“Anakin?” he asked finally. Vader did not reply, just stared down at the old man in front of him, the hood hiding him from view. Then he drew in a deep breath within his small breather, and exhaled. “Yes”

“I didn’t think it was possible, not after all this time” Obi Wan whispered, offering Vader a hesitant smile. He did not return it, instead lifting his hands to lower his hood, exposing his face. Obi Wans smile faded as he got a good look at Vader’s ravaged features. To her surprise, Vader’s expression actually softened before he spoke “Neither did I”

“Well I suppose the fact that your son is as stubborn as you are, turned out to be a good thing after all” Obi Wan offered more playfully, like he was trying to draw Anakin out from beneath Vader’s serious countenance.

“Speaking of Luke, is he here?” Leia interjected getting impatient

Obi Wan turned to her a sad look on his face, “I am afraid he is not”

“Well do you know where he is then” she asked, they better not have come all this way for nothing.

“Your instincts were correct Leia, he is indeed in trouble, but as for finding him, you will now very soon where he is, but I fear it’s a trap. I brought you here to warn you, and offer what help I can”

“You could not just have shown yourself at the fleet instead of dragging us all the way out here, we are wasting time while Luke might be hurt” she said, terror spreading through her, as Obi Wan confirmed what she already knew to be true.

Obi Wan gave Vader a fond look “This one reminds me of someone I used to know, always on the move”

Leia did not appreciate that comparison “Why are we here?”

“You are here because you needed to be, you both do. Only together can you prevent further evil from taking root and to help Luke.  You need your fathers help to do this Leia. Had we not intervened, you would have left him behind and gone after Luke alone, and very likely not returned. That’s why we sent you the vision.” Obi Wan told her patiently.

We, who was this we? She looked around the clearing but spotted no one else, and how could they send her visions?

“We should go to Yoda’s hut, there is something for you there. But first there is also something else I wanted you to know Anakin” Obi Wan said turning to Vader, hesitating for a moment before he spoke again. “It’s about Padme”

Vader froze “Please don’t” He said, his voice coming out as nothing but a hoarse whisper “I cannot go through this again. Not now” he shook his head vehemently, somehow appearing smaller than she had ever seen him before.

“Anakin” Obi Wan said gently, reaching a hand out.  

“No I can’t” Vader snapped at him, and he let it drop. “I see her beautiful face in my mind every day, every night. Is that not enough torment? Her face constricted in fear. I did that, I made her fear. Me, the one person that should have protected her and I killed her! Please Obi Wan, just leave it be” His voice was increasing in pitch as he spoke, his pain and remorse palpable, so much it hurt her just standing so close, making her want to move back a step, just to get away.   

“You didn’t kill her Anakin” Obi Wan said softly, taking a careful step towards Vader, but he stepped back.

 **"** No you don’t understand. I did it, it was me. It was all me!" Vader roared, backing away from them, retreating to the shadows.

Obi Wan sighed " I thought this would make you happy, help with some of the guilt. "

"Don’t you understand, that was the whole point, that there wasn't any. What could I possible do now, that was worse then what I had already had done. Kill someone else’s wife, what did it matter, I had killed my own. Kill someone else’s child, what did it matter, I thought I had killed mine" Vader pointed an aggravated hand in her direction. Leia looked on in surprise, she had gotten used to his controlled motions, slow and calculating like a machine. This was erratic and human.

“You did not kill her Anakin” Obi Wan said again, this time more firmly, not letting Vader escape. “Your living children are proof of that, one standing just before you” Vader’s eyes flickered to hers at Obi Wan words, a wild tormented gaze, but she held it anyway, letting her eyes pull him back, his own softening as he looked at her.

“The truth is we don’t know exactly what happened, she just faded before our eyes, like her life force was being drained away” Obi Wan added, frowning.

Vader actually snorted "Don’t be ridiculous, Padme would not lie down and die because I betrayed her, not as long as our children lived. If I did not kill her something else did!”

“I know that Anakin, and I know of only one capable of doing such a thing” Obi Wan added, eyeing Vader carefully

“He told me I did it. And all this time it was him!” Vader clenched his fist and started to pace around the small clearing, his voice becoming more menacing and cold as he spoke. But then he looked at her, and took a deep breath, unclenching his fist on the exhale. “He is dead, it is done” he whispered to himself.  

 **"** Her last words were of you" Obi Wan added compassion in his eyes.

"No just no" Vader said, lifting his hands up palms out, as if to shield himself from the words. She got the distinct feeling he desperately wanted to hear them, yet he also wanted to get as far away from there as possible.

"She believed in you until the end Anakin" Obi Wan finished. Vader’s eyes widened, and he spun on his heels turning away from them.

Clenching his fists, head bowed, he was doing it again, curling himself inwards, like a great wounded animal ready to pounce, but she knew he wouldn't. For a moment he just stood there, then started to walk away, before he abruptly stopped again, back still turned to them

"Obi Wan." he said weakly, his voice sounding more like that of a small child than a grown man. "Thank you. Thank you for keeping them safe, and I am sorry, for everything." with that he stalked away towards the dark swamp, leaving Leia in the clearing with the ghost of a dead man. She watched him walk away until she could no longer distinguish him from the rest of the shadows. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hate a man in so much pain, and she was starting to believe he just might hate himself enough for the both of them. When he was no longer visible she turned to Obi Wan, who was still staring at the point where Vader had vanished.

" So am I Anakin, so am I" he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know this is technically a fan theory, but I hated Padme's death, I always felt it diminished her entire character. So no she did not die of a broken heart in my story! A bit longer chapter this time, oh well. 
> 
> Thanks for any comments, and all of those who are still reading my story.


	15. A gift

"He was a good man once Leia” Obi Wan said after a while, turning around and looking at her, a gentle expression on his face.  

She snorted, folding her arms across her chest " So Luke keeps telling me, but good men don't do this. If he had been brought up to know nothing else but evil, then maybe I could understand, because it would not have been his choice. But this, he chose this. He had a wife that loved him, a family on the way, and he decided to throw it all away. Why would he do that?"

Tucking his thumbs into his belt, Obi Wan looked at her " It seems to me you are asking a question you already know the answer to"

Leia frowned "No I don't, I don't understand anything about that man!"

"Don’t you? Your father’s actions, though misguided was done trying protect her, to protect you. His greatest mistake was underestimating the power of the dark side, and what it would do to him. No one ever truly masters the darkness, in the end it masters them. “Obi Wan looked past her and in the direction Vader had disappeared to, knitting his brow. “And I fear I failed him, we all did"

"Sounds more like he failed himself" she added drily. Obi Wan shook his head sadly “It’s not that simple Leia” She gave him a dubious look, but he just gazed at her fondly, what did he see there she wondered.

“Did you know he lost his right arm trying to save my life?" he asked, after a brief pause. She shook her head, no she did not know that. Closing her eyes briefly, the memory of Anakin’s skeletal arm trying desperately to break a suffocating grip returned vividly. However, there was also another image overlaying it, the same hand protectively cradling her mother’s belly, where her and Luke rested peacefully. The only moments they had all been together, had been before she was born. Before he had turned on them. Even if he had not taken their mothers life he had betrayed her. Just like he had betrayed her and Luke.

“That was the kind of man he was, impulsive, rash even, but loyal and willing to do anything for the people he loved. The latter a trait I think he might have given to you both” Obi Wan added, and she opened her eyes glaring at him

“I am nothing like him”

Obi Wan gave her a calculating look, pulling slightly at his tunic before sitting back down on the tree. "Yet here you stand, having broken the galaxies most wanted man out of prison for your own sake"

"That is different, I have to save Luke he is the only family I have left” She paused, perhaps he had a point. But she could not lose Luke now, they had barely just found each other. Obi Wan ran a hand through his beard, as he studied her.

“I would never murder innocent people, and I brought him here because of the vision you gave me.” she said with a frown. He gave her a slight nod, seemingly satisfied.  

"Luke is not your only family Leia” he said softly.

That caused her to glare down at him again. “He is not my family” she told him firmly, pointing at the shadowy gap among the trees where Vader had vanished. However, she could not deny that his blood ran in her veins, that and his power. The same power used to hurt so many, including her. Now as she looked down at her own living hands, tightening them into fists, she wondered what she herself was capable off, given the right circumstances.  

Obi Wan followed her gaze down to her clenched fists “The force itself is not evil, it’s a part of all of us, even those unable to manipulate it. I would think Luke would have taught you that”

“Then how does it turn a good man into a bad one?” she asked, slowly unclenching her hands.

He sighed heavily,” The truth is, I wasn’t there when it all happened. Palpatine was clever in that way, isolating your father from all of us. Sowing the seeds of doubt towards the jedi including me, and later to some extent your mother, and add to that by then he had already lost his padawan.”

“His padawan?” she asked curiously, she had wondered about that, after seeing his pained reaction to the beads.

“Ah yes, Ahsoka” he said smiling in remembrance. “Quite the pair they made.”

“What happened to her?”

Obi Wan’s smile quickly faded, “She was falsely accused of treason, and expelled from the order. If not for your father she would also have faced a prison sentence, but he never gave up on proving her innocence. However, by then it was too late, and she refused to re-join the order. It was a devastating blow to him, and another one of our failures.” He shook his head sadly. “It was so much like Anakin to never give up on someone he loved”

“That sounds like Luke” she had to admit.

“Oh yes, he has a lot of his father in him, you both do. But what I am trying to say Leia, is that is not necessary a bad thing as long as you don’t take it too far. Remember it was also what saved him in the end” he said looking into her eyes.

She had expected to see anger there, fury at what must have been such a great betrayal. But what she saw was grief, mourning over a devastating loss.

“You still love him” she said, needing no answer.

He smiled sadly “I practically raised him from a young boy to a man. I will always love him. Who he was, who he could have been” He looked down at his lap for a moment, as if in remembrance “The very last time I spoke to him before it all went so horribly wrong, we parted as friends. I was oblivious to the extent of his inner turmoil, and next time I saw him he half crazed by the dark side, and the young man I knew was gone, I thought him lost forever. I was wrong.”

“I have a very hard time believing any power could change someone so drastically” she said, not convinced by his words.

“The dark side is the corruption of the force, and it’s a constant threat to all force users, often through strong emotions, such as hate but also through fear. Like the fear of losing someone you love.”

“His nightmares” she whispered, as it hit her, that’s why he had asked about her dreams. “He was afraid of losing her”

He nodded. “And Anakin always did feel things very deeply. But instead of teaching him how to deal with his emotions, we told him to let them go, trying to make him into something he was not.” Obi Wan said, sadly, a world of regret written on his face.

“But in the end we are responsible for our own actions, and he made the choice to give in” she told him.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t absolve him of his actions. But we all had a part to play in his downfall. Especially the jedi. He was the herald of change, but the truth is we did not want to change. Instead we tried to change him, and helped break him the process.” he said, eyes downcast.

“Perhaps, but he chose to remain broken” she said quietly, turning back to the trees and long wines surrounding the clearing, waiting for Vader to reappear.

“What your father did was nearly impossible Leia, the dark side is eager to take, but it rarely ever let’s go. Please remember that.” He said, coming to stand beside her.

Leia frowned but did not reply, keeping her focus instead on the trees. “I should probably go find him” she told him, when Vader still did not appear. The last thing she heard as she stepped over a large puddle, heading in the direction of the dark trees, was Obi Wan quiet whisper “And now I fear he has walked so long in the shadows, that the light has started to hurt”

 

 

Leia found Vader sitting on an exposed root, its twisted limbs forming a seat, shoulder hunched looking down at his hands. He did not look up when she approached. Like the root he was such a broken mangled thing she thought, in more ways than one, and Leia could not help but feel the first flicker of real pity towards him. Hesitating only for a moment, she went over and sat down next to him on the damp moss cowered surface, but he tilted his face away from her.

“You still blame yourself don’t you?” she asked him. Instead of replying he just stared into the darkness between the trees, as a large winged animal flew by uttering a shrieking call, causing shivers to run down her spine.

“Don’t you?” he said, when he finally turned face her. His eyes bloodshot, in contrast to his pale tormented face.

“I blame you for many things” she told him honestly “But for this I am no longer sure” He stared at her in surprise, before he tilted his head away from her again.

“I never meant to hurt her.” He said, in a soft whisper. “But I was so angry I lost control. I just wanted her to stop talking. To stop saying the things some very small part of me still knew was the truth. Instead I accused her of treason, and I made her stop.” His voice broke and he put his face in his hands.

“Force forgive me” his said weakly, his voice muffled by the hands covering his face, she had to lean closer to even hear it. That’s when a tremor went through his entire body, like the pain inside him was bursting to get out. But he made no sound, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly. It was hard to tell if he was crying or not, all she knew was that he was hurting.

The truth had clearly not absolved him in his own eyes. Or maybe it was the truth that hurt, knowing he had lived a lie.  Whatever it was, she didn’t think he liked having his grief on display, something they had in common. But it seemed wrong somehow, to leave him there all alone. So instead she just sat there beside him in silence, the both of them surrounded by the shadows of the dark forsaken swamp.

In normal circumstances, when exposed to such suffering one would offer some kind of comfort. However, she couldn’t bring herself to reach out and touch him, it just wasn’t possible. After a while the shaking started to subside, but he still wouldn’t look at her, so she offered him the only comfort she was able. Straightening she got up from the root and stepped in front of him. “He doesn’t hate you, you know” she told him.

“What?” He asked weakly, finally facing her, his sitting position putting them at eye height with each other, and she could stare right into to his glazed blue eyes. “Luke, he doesn’t hate you”

“He should. I know I do.” he replied in a weak voice.  

She scoffed “You may hate yourself but Luke loves you. Yes, it hurt to find out the father he had always longed for, almost killed him before he was even born. But Luke was not ignorant of your other despicable deeds, including dismembering him. Yet he believed in you anyway, enough to risk his own life to save yours.”

Vader flinched at the mention of Luke’s hand, but she also noticed the tiny flicker of hope growing in his eyes as she spoke.

“And to be honest, I think he was more hurt that you didn’t believe in him” she said, this time more softly.

“What do you mean?” he asked her, straightening a little at her words.

“You didn’t trust him with what you thought was the truth, you assumed he would reject you. After all this. After everything he went through to get to you. In the end all he wanted was for you to believe in him.”

“I should have said something. I just did not know how.” He said quietly with a slight shake of his head. “But he is wrong, I do believe in him, I believe in you both, more than anything. I just think somethings are beyond forgiveness.”

“They are, but that’s not Luke is it? He is not like either of us.”

“No, he is like her” he replied with a small affectionate smile “But so are you Leia, in so many ways, perhaps not in the same way as Luke, but she is there all the same.  You are not me. You do know that don’t you?” he asked searching her eyes. She swallowed, she did know that, but she could not help but fear the anger inside her, sometimes it threatened to consume everything she did.  

“Why are you even doing this? You owe me no kindness, you don’t owe me anything.” he said, when she did not reply.

“Because it’s the truth” she told him, pushing her dark thoughts away. “Besides you did return Luke to me after all.” she added, trying to lighten the depressive mood this place projected. However, there was also a small part her thinking he carried enough guilt, and he didn’t need anymore, but she was not quite ready to acknowledge it.

“You are aware that if I had been the father I should have been, I would not have to return him the first place?” he asked.

She glared at him “Stop talking at just take it” she said, just a she realised he actually looked amused now. Then to her surprise he let out a small chuckle, getting to his feet “Well in that case lets go find Luke, shall we.”

At his full height, she had to crane her neck to be able to look at him, as he towered over her. Everything was still confusing, but she did know one thing for certain. This man, Vader or Anakin, whoever he was, he really meant it when he had said he would never harm her again, she just wasn’t sure when she had started to believe him.  

Talking a step back from him she looked around “You don’t happen to know where to start do you?”

“I found the hut, its right through here” he said, pointing past her shoulder towards another section of the swamp. Walking over she peered across, but so nothing than more fog cowered swamp, and dreary trees.

“Where I can’t see anything?”

Vader came over and pointed to a small round structure at the base of a large tree. “That’s it? It’s hardly more than a mud hut.”

“I believe it is a mud hut” he said drily, “Hard to imagine he was hidden away here all along” he muttered to himself “But in a way I suppose it suits him.”

“You knew this Yoda then” she asked tuning back to Vader. He nodded “As much as anyone ever really did I suppose. Come let’s go”

And to her relief Vader found a dry path towards the hut, together they stood looking at the small gap that probably was supposed to be the door. “You should go inside and find it” Vader told her.

"Why am I the one doing this?" she grumbled.

"Because I won’t fit in there" he said, pointing a hand at the small opening. Reluctantly she sat down, turning her small flashlight on and crawled inside, gdrateful she was not wearing white. There better not be any snakes she thought as she made her way inside. The door had long since fallen off its hinges if there had ever been one, and the small space was cluttered, debris from outside driven in by the wind. "Now where is this thing?" she asked aloud to herself as moved aside a piece of broken crockery, her flashlight between her teeth to keep her arms free.

"Over there" a voice said, startling Leia so much she shrieked rearing up hitting her head on the roof with a groan, dropping the flashlight in the process. Rubbing her head with one hand, she glared in the direction of the voice. At this rate she would get brain damage.  Picking up her light from where it had fallen she finally saw him, a small green creature outline in white. Great her second ghost of the day.

From the outside she heard Vader speak " Leia are you alright"

"I am fine" she bit out, turning her attention to the apparition. "Yoda I presume? Next time make your presence known before you frighten someone half to death."

Yoda just chuckled, "Not so easily frightened you are, I think, hmm"

"Please tell me seeing dead people won’t be a regular occurrence from now on" she said with a wince.

He moved a bit closer, “Small you were, the last time we met”

“I can’t say I have any recollection of that, even less so now” she said rubbing a new bump on her head.

He tilted his head, ears twitching, as he studied her, just like Obi Wan had done. It was getting annoying

“What?” she snapped.

“Ah yes, his you are”

“If you say I am like my father I am leaving” she said, snapping her mouth shut as soon as she realised what she had just said, this place was getting to her.

“Look, I don’t even know why I am here, but I need to find Luke, I cannot sit here all day. So can we get on with it.”

He shook his head, put pointed in the direction of a small alcove to her left. Using her flashlight, she spotted the silver cylinder immediately.

“Need that you will”

She should have known, she reached over and picked up the lightsaber. “You do know I don’t know how to use this right” she told Yoda.

“Leia” she heard Vader call again “You should come out here”  

Yoda indicated she should go with a wave of his small hand.

When she crawled of the hut, Obi Wan had reappeared, standing close to Vader who stood there, head slightly bowed listening to Artoo speak.

“Artoo. Is everything alright?” she asked getting to her feet, rubbing dust and grime of her pants.

“I believe he has a message for you” Vader said, as Artoo rolled forwards and activated his holoprojector. The image of Doctor Kian flickered to life, but it was weak and fractured. “There is too much interference in this place” she said getting frustrated.

“Please contact me. As soon as possible. I have transferred some data you should look at.” That was all she could make out before the recording died, and Artoo offered her a small datapad.

Frowning she scrolled through a list of names. About a dozen or so, all having vanished from the fleet about the same time as Luke.

“Oh no” she said, as she read it again “That doesn’t make any sense, why would they do this? Why would they take Luke?”

“Leia what’s wrong” Vader asked walking over to her, she handed him the datapad.

“Alderaan, they are all from Alderaan” she said in a whisper, as Vader was reading. He looked up at her

“They know Leia. This is about me, it has to be” he said, sounding guilty.

“We have to get to the Falcon” she said, before she turned and ran, the lightsaber clutched in a death grip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could a bit frustrated with this one, but I am posting before I faff to much. :)


	16. News

Leia ran towards the Falcon as quickly as her legs would carry her, no longer caring if her feet got soaked through as waters splashed all around her with every step. The dread she had felt at Luke’s disappearance had stayed strangely dormant in this place, with its overhanging vines and dark trees it was a lonely place set a part from the rest of the galaxy. Artoo’s unexpected news had snapped her out of it, and now her apprehension was growing again. However, if she was entirely honest with herself that was not the only reason she was running.

The sound of footfall behind her indicated Vader had taken up pursuit, his long legs letting him cover large stretches of ground easily, and every step he took brought him closer and closer to her. Leia wished desperately he would keep his distance, though she feared it was already too late. He was under her skin now, and she feared he was there to stay. Increasing her pace to maintain the space between them, was straining her legs to their limit. Back there on that mangled root she had forgotten, just for a brief moment to hate him. It had been unintentional true, but unwanted nonetheless. This uncomfortable realisation urged her forward.

An another splash hit even closer behind her, marking his rapid approach, Leia could not help but wonder, for how many people had that sound been the last thing they ever heard? Would she share their fate, if she put her faith in him now? The thought of relying on him of all people for aid, likely against her own, was frankly absurd.  

Just as her lungs started to burn from the exertion the Falcon appeared out of the mist like she had summoned it with her thoughts. The ramp was still lowered and Leia did not slow her pace as she ran inside, nearly colliding with Chewie in her rush. He steadied her with one furry arm, letting out a curious roar, as she tried to catch her breath.

“We need to get her in the air, now” she told him in between gasps, just as Vader came rushing inside finally having caught up with her, his heavy steps nearly shaking the ramp. The hand on her arm stiffened, and Leia let out a groan, she had almost forgotten what Vader had done to the wookie.

Before Chewie had a chance to pull away from her and head for Vader, she twisted her arm around and grabbed his. “Not now, please” She tugged even harder as he tried to pull away, pleading with her eyes.  To her surprise he relented, but she kept herself strategically in between the two, as they circled each other like two combatants on a battlefield. With one last growled threat promising things to come, Chewie left, heading back down one of the open hatches exposing part of the Falcon’s interior. Undoubtedly finishing some much needed repairs.    

Finally, able to breath properly again she headed to the cockpit. Han was hanging over the seat, pulling some wires out from below the front panel, his backside in the air. Walking over she touched him gently to get his attention.

“Han, we need to get the Falcon in the air, so I can get a clear transmission to the fleet” Perhaps this was just a coincidence, all a bad misunderstanding. Whatever it was she desperately needed to hear it from Kian himself. Unfortunately, she held out little hope, her gut was telling her that these people, her people, were indeed responsible for Luke’s disappearance. The question now was why.

“Artoo found you then?” Han asked straightening up, glancing down at the lightsabre in her hand. “You too, huh”

 “I don’t know, but I remember these being quite useful” she said, studying the saber she had almost forgotten even holding. Now that she could see it properly, she noticed it was slightly shorter and sleeker than Luke’s. Its metal gleaming brightly, with no obvious tarnished or scratches. For all intent and purposes it looked brand new, and fit in her hand like it belonged there. Curiously she pressed the button and a blue plasma beam flickered to life with a hiss. Blue like his had been, feeling suddenly uncomfortable she quickly deactivated the blade.

“Just don’t wave it in my face, I am to pretty to be singed” Han said, taking a playful step back. Before his eyes narrowed and he turned to Vader who had appeared just behind her, all playfulness now gone “Get out of my cockpit”

“Just get us in the air Han” she said with a sigh. It was getting tiring to constantly act as a buffer between Vader and those who justifiably had reasons to hate him, her included. Han raised his eyebrows clearly not satisfied, but sat down nonetheless with one last suspicious glare in Vader’s direction, prepping the Falcon for take-off.

Vader just folded his hands across his chest, clearly not going anywhere. If he had noted the second reason for her mad dash, his face did not betray it. Fear had not spurred her on, she was starting to think it was the lack of it that had. That and her growing complacency around him. The pain he emanated hurt, banging on her defences with the patience of an ocean to a cliff. She knew it was not intentional, if anything if he was trying to keep it from her. Yet the result was the same, she was faltering bit by bit, and she did not know how to stop it.

As if noticing her scrutiny, he turned to look at her his eyes mild, she evaded his gaze turning instead to Threepio. She had not notice the droid when entering, and he was being unusually quiet, apparently trying to make himself invisible. What had Vader done to him she wondered, usually he could never stop nattering, though he did appear unharmed.

When Vader was satisfied they had cleared the planet’s atmosphere without any further injury he joined her in the main hold. Where Artoo, who had come tottering after them, plugged into the Falcons long range communicator. Not before long Doctor Kian’s troubled face flickered to life.  

“Leia, finally. I was getting worried” He said, a small frown starting to form when he spotted her bandage. “Are you alright?”

“I am fine, just a bad landing” she said, unconsciously rubbing her injured head, thankfully it no longer throbbed. “Please just tell me everything”

He paused for a moment, glancing around the room as if he was afraid someone was listening. Treason had a way of making one paranoid. “I did as you asked, and made some inquires, discreetly off course. At first glance nothing seemed amiss, in the records at least. Until several people were reported missing, not having shown up for their duties. That when I started compiling the list, and the apparent relation between the missing crew became evident.”

They shared a meaningful look, both hit hard by this. Treason was one thing, you grew to expect it, but not like this, not from their own. Since so few of them remained, it hit so much deeper. Hurting Vader was one thing, hurting Luke another. After all he had done more to avenge her people than any other. None of this made any sense.

“I went back to the hangar to have another look at the records, to see if any ships had also gone missing. By then our hanger chief was also absent” He added, clearly upset, shaking his head. “I knew someone of them, not well, but still”

Tightening her fist, Leia felt her anger surging, she had stood in front of that man as he had lied straight to her face, and she had been oblivious. Though she did remember feeling ill at ease, unable to pin point its exact cause. If anyone of them hurt Luke, they would pay, regardless of their common origin.

“Suspicious I went through the records again looking for any discrepancies, it turns out a small cargo freighter did leave the night of Luke’s disappearance” he added, looking outside the frame of the projection at something. 

“Where too?” she asked, leaning forward like that would actually bring them closer. The galaxy was a very big place, they needed more to go on.

“For that I may have a clue.” He said, moving so the image shifted, and a young woman sitting on a chair, hands bound came into view. “My young friend her tells me, it was headed to the western reaches, to a derelict factory of some kind. I found her snooping around the med bay”

The young blond woman tugged nervously at her shirt “I told you all I know. I did not know they planned to take Luke, I swear it” she said, sounding genuine, but Leia had already been lied to once.

“It’s not enough” she spat, levelling the young woman with a stare, until she visibly flinched. Vader who had until now stayed quiet, moved closer to her. Just the sight of him made her unclench her fist, anger would get her nowhere.

“You” The young woman screeched, jumping to her feet, all traces of timidity gone. “You will pay for what you have done!” Doctor Kian indicated for her to sit back down, but she ignored him, moving closer. Her face no longer looked sane, but constricted in fury, overlaying bottomless grief, and Leia could see how young she really was, little more than a girl really. Another one who’s life Vader had helped destroy, the number was surely staggering. Her anger towards the young woman deflated in on itself.

“Where is my son?” Vader asked calmly.

The girl blinked. “Your son! Well that explains it then” she spat. “I am sure you will see soon enough” Kian tried to pull her back down to the chair, but she pushed him away with surprising force.

“Where is he?” Vader asked again, now a trace of steel in his voice.

“I don’t know, but I hope they make you watch him die” Now she was sounding hysterical, and Leia could see Kian move in behind her, with a small needle. One injection later the girl went limp, and he lowered her carefully down, a heartbroken look on his face.

“I honestly don’t think she knows anything else, probably too young to be let in on the entire thing. My guess is she came to med bay looking for you” Kian indicated Vader, before looking back down at the girl. “Ready to inforce her own particular brand of justice”

“Do you where they could have taken him?” she turned and asked Vader, who was staring down at the unconscious form of the young girl in infinite sadness. “No” he said finally, ripping his gaze away from the girl. “But clearly this is about punishing me” The look he gave her, indicated he did not care if he was punished or not, but Luke was off limits. On that they definitely could agree.

“I should probably tend to her” Kian said. “Please contact me on what you wish to do next”

“I will, in the meantime stay put” She told him, before the image vanished.  That’s when she noticed they were not alone, Yoda was sitting on the table dangling his short legs, eyes flickering from her to Vader, and back again. Obi Wan sitting on the seat next to him, also watching them.

“Are they going to follow us around from now on?” she asked Vader, who gave her a small smile, before moving across towards the table, a veritable giant in comparison to Yoda.

“Do you know where Luke is?” he asked, Yoda just cocked his head, and the two stared at each other, measuring one another for a moment.

“Clouded the future is, but find him together you will” Yoda said after a while, pointing at her.

“You always were blind” Vader said bitterly, stepping back but then he shrugged it off. “If it’s me they want, they can have me” Now he sounded more tired than bitter, and Leia moved closer.

“I fear it’s not that simple Anakin” Obi Wan said.

“It never is, is it?”

“Is there nothing you can tell us?” Leia asked Obi Wan, who seemed the more approachable of the two.

“Only one thing is clear, you will need to trust each other to succeed” He replied, but she knew he was aiming his reply at her, if he only knew what he was asking of her.

“Who are you talking to?” Han asked entering the hold followed by Threepio, waving a hand in front of her face as he placed himself between her and the two apparitions. “Are you feeling well?”

“Oh dear, oh dear, it’s the head injury I tell you” Threepio chimed in, apparently having found his voice again.

“There is nothing wrong with my head” she snapped. “I am talking to Obi Wans ghost” Even she realised how crazy that’s sounded, when she saw Han’ befuddled expression.

His eyes started scrutinizing the room, glancing straight past the spot Yoda and Obi Wan were seated “Are there ghost in the Falcon?” he asked, unconvinced.

“Several” Vader replied clearly amused, not helping the situation, Leia glared at him.

“They are just trying to help. We know they took Luke to the western reaches, to an abandoned facility. But that hardly narrows it down.” She told him, with one last warning to behave in Vader’s direction, he lifted his hands in mock surrender.

Han tapped a finger to his lips, thinking. “I know someone who might be able to help, I will take us there. Don’t worry we will find him” With one reassuring kiss to her forehead, he left the hold calling for Chewie, clearly not wanting to stay here longer than he had to.

Obi Wan had gotten up from his seat, and was now standing next to Vader talking to him quietly, whatever he was saying Vader was smiling ever so slightly. She did not wish to intrude, but could not help overhearing some of the conversation

“It’s a trap so I suggest you spring it” Obi Wan said almost making Vader laugh. “Because that always ends well”

“And keep her safe”

“With my life.” Vader said, like it was a vow, and Leia swallowed an uncomfortable lump in her throat.

“Go we must” Yoda said, suddenly standing right in front of her, “See us again, you will” She nodded, still uncertain what this trip had truly been about. Whatever it was, they had their reasons. Obi Wan said a final goodbye to Vader and then to her, before the both of them vanished out of sight. Leaving her alone with Vader.

Han called from the cockpit to get ready for the jump to hyperspace, Leia used that as an excuse to get some much needed space from him, and headed to the cockpit. Luckily this time he did not follow.


	17. Chapter 17

Leia took a deep breath, letting the fresh night air into her lungs. By now she was used to spending a great deal of time in space. But she loved nothing more than having her feet back on solid ground, especially on lush planets like this one. It was a gentle reminder of home, a place that was no more, and never would be again. She squeezed her eyes shut trying desperately to remember, but the images in her head were growing fainter and fainter with each passing day. All save one that was, the one she would gladly forget, and the man at the centre of it all. A man that was part of her, whether she liked it or not.  

Opening her eyes she stared across the lake in front of her, a large stone edifice rose out the darkness, its dark towers crawling towards the sky. The architecture looked ancient, and at first sight it appeared abandoned, if not for the lights she could see breaking through the surrounding blackness. As she watched, a strange tingling sensation travelled down her spine, it did not feel unpleasant, just odd. There was a presence out there, perhaps one as ancient as the structure itself, if not older. The rapid approach of footsteps disrupted her musings, and she turned around in time to see the vague outline of someone moving towards her.

“But sir, I really think you should take me with you” The sound of Threepio’s voice confirmed her suspicions.

“No, stay with the ship” She heard Han’s tart reply, trying to weasel away from the droid, who was following close behind as they moved near enough for her to see.

“You might need an interpreter. Remember I—”

“No goldenrod, this place speaks my kind of language” Han said, putting a hand across Threepio’s mouth to shut him up. “Keep an eye on the Falcon for me” Spinning him around, he pushed the droid back towards the ship, then he came over to stand beside her, peering across the lake at the castle.

“Are you sure this friend of yours will be able to help us?” she asked, looking at his profile, as a dark cloud moved across the sky letting in a weak ray of moonlight.

“Believe me, not much goes on around here, that she doesn’t know about. If there is a derelict factory in this sector, she knows where it is, or knows someone that will know” he said, sounding confident. Leia could only hope he was right.

“Though I still think he should stay behind with the Falcon” Han added more quietly, and she did not need to ask who he was talking about.

“We might need him” Leia said. Him and his powers, though she hated to admit it.

“And if someone recognizes him? Even out here Vader is renowned, and not for his good deeds.” he added sarcastically, running a hand through his hair.

“I doubt I will stand out, in this place of misfits, if your previous associates are anything to go by” The man in question said dryly, appearing out of the shadows. He had pulled his hood over his head again, making it too dark for her to make out his eyes. 

“And what do you know about my associates” Han asked, clenching his jaw.   

“I know a great deal about you Solo” Vader replied, tilting his hooded head in Han’s direction. Leia feared she would have to act as a buffer between them again, and took a step forward to intervene.

It proved unnecessary because Han just strode past Vader, his shoulder bumping harshly into Vader’s arm, who thankfully made no move to retaliate the gesture.

“Fine, he can come, but he is your responsibility” Han said when her rushed past her, and started down a small path running parallel to the lake. Sighing she followed, Vader trailing behind her like a shadow no amount of light could vanquish. Making up the rear was Chewie, acting as a silent bodyguard eyes glued to Vader’s back, ready to strike should he make any sudden moves. Hurrying forward her feet kicking up the gravel, she caught up with Han.

Leia looked up as they approached the stone steps leading up to the front door of the castle. High above a large statue hands held aloft, overlooked the place like a guardian. Vader stepped up next to her, following the line of her gaze.

“I sense a presence here, do you feel it?” he asked, turning to her.  

She nodded, stretching her senses outward for a moment “Yes, but it doesn’t feel threatening, nor like how you used to make me feel.”

“And how was that” he asked, sounding curious. Just then the door opened and a ray of light escaped, and she caught a brief glimpse of his eyes.

“Cold” she replied, stepping away from him and heading inside.

The interior put any thought of abandonment to rest. Although the word misfits were not one she would use, it certainly contained an interesting collection of characters. A few faces turned a suspicious eye in their direction as they headed further inside, but most seemed preoccupied with their own dealings, shady or otherwise.

“There’s my boyfriend” A small woman with leathery skin exclaimed, and headed straight for Chewie, hugging him tightly, though she barely reached up his legs, he growled back fondly.

“Maz Kantana” Han said, as she turned a google covered eyes away from Chewie, to Han and finally let them come to a rest on her.

“Han Solo, back again. Ah and you must be Leia” Maz said teasingly, scrutinizing her face, before turning to Han “You always did like them pretty” Leia shoot him a look, noticing Vader had done the same. At least Han had the decency to look a bit embarrassed.

“But you, who might you be?” she asked, as her eyes moved along from Leia, to settle on Vader. Who had not uttered a word since they entered the building. But Leia had felt his eyes roam around the place, like was scouting out possible escape routes, ever on his guard.

“That doesn’t matter anymore” He replied quietly. Maz frowned trying to peer beneath the dark shadows of his hood, but he pulled back.

“I think you better come in” she said after a while, leading them to an empty corner of the room, seating them around a table, Chewie at her left side.

“So I assume you have landed in a heap of trouble and need my help. Again” She asked, when they were all settled. Han flashed her a roughish smile.

“More like a friend of mine is in trouble” He replied finally serious, then he told her about Luke’s disappearance. Maz nodded as she listened attentively, but her gaze kept flickering back to Vader. The strange tingling sense Leia had felt earlier returned, she wondered if he could feel it too.

“I know of the place you speak of, been abandoned for years, since the end of the clone wars I believe. Scavengers did go there for a while at first, however when most did not return, they stopped going all together. No one knows why. Only wild creatures roam that forgotten place now.” Maz said contemplating, when Han finished speaking.

Leia felt relied flood her, finally they were getting somewhere, she only hoped they had not harmed Luke. If so they would pay. At that dark thought she reached her hand towards the open fire pit beside her, to help drive away a sudden chill.

“Though lately there has been whispers, off coming and goings. Strange place to take the boy” Maz added thoughtfully.

“Do you know what was produced there?” Vader asked folding his gloved hands on the table.

“Droids I believe. For the war”

“That’s impossible, I know of no know droid foundry out here, and I deactivated the droid army myself” Vader said in disbelief, leaning forward in the chair.

This caught Maz interest, and she actually crawled onto the table. Leia had to grab a hold of her drink, so it would not fall down onto her dry clothes. When she reached Vader, Maz stretched a small hand forward flipping a part of his cloak to the side, exposing a few buttons of his breast panel, and this time Vader made no move to stop her.

“Let me look at you” she said. He hesitated only for a moment, before lowering the hood exposing himself.

“So it seems you have finally managed to break your chains” Maz said quietly letting go of the cloak, sitting back on her heels.

“I would have died as the slave I was born if not for Luke. I owe him my life, more then he owes me his. Anything you can tell us would be greatly appreciated.” He pleaded softly, knowing full well he had no right to ask anyone, for anything. Not after all he had done.

Slave? Leia blinked staring at Vader, what did he mean by that? Luke had never mentioned Anakin ever being a slave. The taste of bile rose in her mouth, she had not forgotten her own chain, and its accompanying humiliation. Followed by her deadly rage, and her grim satisfaction at her tormentor’s death throes. If someone hurt you, or someone you cared about, was it not fair to want to hurt them in return? Or was that the first steps down a path where you would lose yourself completely?

Maz, who was also staring at Vader, looked taken a back for a moment, and reached a hand up to her googles, enlarging her eyes to focus on him again, this time leaning so close her nose almost touched his breather.

“So many scars, but the really deep ones are on the inside I think. “she said, eyes intent like she was peering into his soul, not his eyes.

“Perhaps, but right now it’s Luke I am concerned about” Vader replied wearily, meeting her stare head on.

“Luke Skywalker” she said still seated on the table, tapping a finger to her lip “Anakin Skywalker. It all makes sense now. What else can pull someone out of the darkness if not love. A fathers love no less”

“Would have been nice if this act of fatherly concern had manifested a bit sooner” Han said, not bothering to hide his contempt.

“He has already paid enough for my mistakes, they both have.” Vader said, ignoring Han’s jab. Mistake such a small word to encompass so much Leia thought.

“I felt it you know. The moment he died, a ripple through the force, like a light suddenly gone alight in perpetual darkness” Maz shook her head, then looking away from Vader, turning her large eyes on Leia.

“The force undulates around you, around you both.” she said after a while, her big eye brown eyes never leaving Leia’s face. “You are another one, aren’t you? Great power flows in your veins, the blood of the chosen one”

Vader snorted. “Chosen, for what? Destruction? I am done, done with all of it”

“That may be so, but I fear it’s not done with you, or your children” Maz said softly, before turning to Han.

“Hey don’t look at me, no one is more surprised than me that Vader has children” Han said, eyeing Vader’s scarred face with unrestrained revulsion, Leia did not like it. Fair enough he hated the man, but that was just cruel. Crueller than she had been, an unbidden though whispered in her head, but she shook it off.

“Oh Han” Maz said, now sounding delighted apparently ignoring Han’s sour expression. “If you had seen him, you would be more surprised he didn’t have anymore” Han shoot another dubious look in Vader’s direction, clearly not convinced.  

“Hardly, unlike some I did not jump on every pretty face I saw” Vader said, the implied insult hit its mark as Leia felt Han stiffen, this had to stop. Or she would stop it for them.

“Though I have no recollection of ever meeting you. Who are you?” Vader asked Maz.

“Just a simple owner of this establishment” she replied eyes glinting.

“Nothing simple about you I think”

“Nor you” she bit back, crawling back into her chair suddenly serious.

“The jedi or the sith are not the only once that know the force. Now that there is no empire or Jedi, other forces will start to crawl forth from the shadows where they have been hiding. You and your master may have kept the light at bay, but also any other threat to your rule. Hidden perhaps but not vanquished.”

“His not my master” Vader said quietly. “Not anymore”

“Then who is?”

“I am pretty sure Leia is” Han whispered under his breath, but loud enough for to Vader to hear. Leia rubbed her temples, feeling her headache return.

“He is a prisoner of the new republic, currently in my custody” She told Maz, who reached a hand out to take hers.

“So much pain you have seen child, but I fear there is more to come, if you don’t learn to go of the past. Don’t let it consume you, like it did you father.”

Leia tugged weakly at her hand, but Maz had a surprisingly firm grip “I am not about to turn to the dark side, I barely even know how to use the force.”  

“The dark side is not the only way you can lose yourself, grief can consume anyone.” Maz said gently petting her hand, before letting go.

Then she leaned over towards Chewie, pulling him down towards her, quietly whispering something in his ear, he gave a quiet sound of agreement, before getting up and leaving the table. When he returned he carried a wooden chest, that he put down in front of Maz. Carefully she opened it with a small pop, reaching a hand inside she retrieved a lightsaber, that she pushed onto the table in front of Vader.

“It is yours. Take it!” Maz said, but Vader made no move to pick it up.

Leia’s eyes widened, she knew that saber, it was Luke’s. No, it wasn’t, was it? It was his. Unlike the one Yoda had given her, this one was worn and scratched, older than even she. It held her captivated like she had never seen it before, which she had off course, but this time it was different somehow. It was hard to look at it now, and not see the smiling face of the young man he once had been.

Very little remained of him now, a stony expression on his face. He lifted one hand almost touching the lightsaber, but not quite.

“It’s not the weapon that makes the killer, it’s the intent” Maz told him. Pushing the saber closer to his hand.  

It had never occurred to Leia that Vader would be reluctant to wield a weapon again. Yet suddenly she knew for certain he was afraid, not of anyone here, but of himself. He looked at her then, an uncertain expression in his blue eyes, and she nodded. With an inclination of his head he grabbed it.

“Great, now we have armed him. What’s next, we join the empire?” Han exclaimed.

“Don’t be silly Han, besides he hardly needs one does he” Leia reminded him. He grumbled an unhappy reply, but made no more protests, as Maz told them everything she knew about the place where Luke had been taken. Leia knew Luke was still alive, but for how much longer would he stay that way?

They were all quiet on the return walk to the Falcon. Although they now knew where to go, Leia was still confused on as to what awaited them there. Her muddled thoughts kept going from Vader to Luke and back again. A slave, the chosen one. Chosen for what? Who was this man, Leia was starting to realise that nothing she thought she knew about the man walking next to her, yet again hiding his face, had turned out to be true.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not supposed to exist, the original idea was that Yoda had two lightsabers, and then they would find their way to Luke. Its just that I have always had a soft spot for Anakins lightsaber, and I love the idea of him wielding it again. I have seen the new movie, but the thought didn't occur to me until now. And since we are not told when Maz found it, I thought why not. I would probably done a few things differently if it occurred to me sooner.  
> Next chapter is almost finished and is all Anakin and Leia, since this is still their story. She has some things to think about.


	18. Broken Chains

Leia paced down the corridors of the Falcon, feeling agitated. Han had already set their destination, and she knew the best thing now, would be to get some rest. Nevertheless, she kept on wandering the corridors of the ship aimlessly, knowing sleep was far beyond her.

After a while she found herself back in the main hold. Laying on the table where she had left it, was her lightsaber, but now it was no longer alone. Nestled just next to it was his. Trailing over she looked down at two sabers, placed there, side by side. One was still shiny and new, the other, old and worn. Right now she felt more similar to the latter, than the former. 

Seeing them there together, she could not help but wonder, was this a glimpse into another life, one she might have lived? Was it one she would even want? Stretching her hand out she let her fingertips grace the outside of the her saber’s gleaming surface.

The last time they had to rescue Luke, she had used one, partly for the fun of it. To try it just once, but it was designed for those with a unique talent, a strange power she did not possess, or so she had thought.

Tracing her way up to the button, her gaze kept flickering unwillingly to the saber next to it. The mythical weapon of Luke’s dead father, wielded by his son in his honour. An honour it turned out, he did not deserve. Nor was he actually dead, not truly.

Her hand hovered above the hilt of her saber, as if to grab it. But on impulse she let her fingers pass over, instead picking up the other one, testing it out for size. It was a bit heavier than hers, but not by much. Gingerly she pressed the button, and the blue beam burst into life with a hiss.

Looking around the room to make sure no one was watching, she carefully swung the blade around in an arch. Leia had seen what Luke could do with his, but she knew it required training, one wrong move might very well be your last.

Undoubtedly she looked a bit silly fighting thin air, mimicking what she had seen Luke do. Yet she had to admit it was kind of enjoyable. When she had just about had enough, she turned the saber off. But before she had the chance to put it away, she heard the sound of a familiar voice. Without thinking, she pulled the lighsaber closer towards herself.

“You should not hold it so close, lest you cut of you own nose.” Vader said, stepping in to the hold.

“Will you stop sneaking up on me” she snapped at him. For a brief moment, she felt tempted to hide the saber behind her back. But what would be the point? Not much escaped this man, and he had an uncanny ability to make her feel exposed. Leia could not for the life of her explain what had possessed her to pick it up in the first place.

“Forgive me.” He said with a slight bow to his head “But you are in the main hold, after all”

She glared at him “Even so” she bit out, knowing she was being unreasonable.

“You must know its location in relation to your body at all times, one moment of recklessness and you might cut of a limb” he added, moving further inside, to close for comfort.

“No need, you will just cut one of for me, won’t you?” she said tightly, and just like she had hoped, this caused him to halt his approach.

“We both know you don’t actually believe that, don’t we?” he asked softly, tilting his head slightly to look down at her, and the saber in her hands. Leia felt her hand twitch around it, some of its groves digging into her palm, and she knew the moment he realised who’s saber she was holding. His eyes widened a fraction, before meeting hers. Leia swallowed, wanting to look away, but she couldn’t.

“I made that when I was 19 I think, just a boy really” he said in a whisper, before moving all the way into the compartment.

“I doubt you used it to cut off your own limbs” she replied, the lightsaber suddenly starting to feel very heavy.

“No, but I lost them to sheer stupidity regardless,” he said holding both hands out inspecting them. Leia remembered those hands, and could not help the revulsion showing on her face. He looked agonized for a moment, before letting them drop.

Although, a small voice whispered in her head, his words did not ring quite true. One had not been lost to stupidity, it had been a sacrifice. Leia drowned the voice out, and turned away from him towards the table to put the saber down. Before she did, she cast a last look at it, such a powerful weapon, one she did not know how to wield. Hesitating she turned back to Vader and held her hand out, offering it to him instead.

“Show me then” she asked, arching a challenging eyebrow at him, to see if he would actually take it this time. Walking closer, he approached her outstretched hand and took it, turning it on, and slashing it through the air, like he was testing it. Then he lifted his other hand, palm out, and her saber, still resting on the table, flew through the air straight into his grasp.

Holding it out towards her, she grabbed it. Following his example, she copied his stance. Now both of their saber’s were humming quietly. When he was satisfied she was holding it correctly, he swung his slowly towards her. She blocked it clumsily, blue beam clashing with blue.

Vader tested her with some more careful blows, always making sure she did not lower her blade, correcting her if needed. After a while they found a steady rhythm, and she grew more confident, though still very aware she was severely outmatched. It did not take long for sweat to start trickling down her back, and her lungs starting to burn. However, Vader was relentless.

“Always expect the unexpected” he said suddenly, knocking her of her feet, with a rapid foot movement. Caught by surprise she landed on the decking with a gasp, the saber slipping from her hands, beam dying.

“Don’t get angry, get up” he said offering her his hand, as she glared up at him. Biting of the furious retort she had ready, she ignored his outstretched offering. Picking up her saber she got to her feet. He had not hurt her but still.

“I always get up, I always keep fighting” she snapped, igniting her saber again, holding in front of her like a shield.  

“But maybe you shouldn’t. Don’t make your life an endless battle, Leia” he replied. She barely let him finish before she swung at him again, fuming. He parried like it was nothing, and she pushed forward against the pulsing blade. Pushing and pushing, but he didn’t budge. Leia wanted to scream, why wouldn’t he move. “I will never surrender” she hissed, still leaning into the blade.

“I don’t expect you too, but there is more to life than battle after battle. Sometimes you must share the burden, let others help you carry it” He said, swiftly twisting to the side, and she almost feel straight forward when resistance vanished, but caught herself in time.

“You cannot defeat me through sheer strength Leia, you don’t stand a chance, use your head. Out manoeuvre me. Against a stronger opponent a direct assault is unwise.”

Defeat him? She didn’t want to defeat him, she wanted to vanquish him. Uncertain, she circled around him, keeping out of range. “I don’t carry it alone, you are the one that is alone”

He ignored her retort, advancing on her. “I have seen you Leia, always offering comfort, rarely ever taking it, always the protector, never the protected.” He feigned a move to the left, following it she did not notice his leg, and once again she fell face first into the decking. Almost impaling herself, but the saber moved away by itself, deactivated.

“Stop that” she seethed, getting back up, “I am not weak, I don’t need to be protected”

“We all do sometimes, even if it is from ourselves” He added, more quietly this time. With a flick of his wrist, her saber floated back into her hand. Leia stopped for a moment, he was doing it again, acting concerned for her, it was decidedly unwanted.

“I don’t need you to worry about me” she bit out, thrusting forward, he met her head on. “I have managed all these years without you, I don’t need you now”

“I know, but I can’t help it. You are my daughter, my blood, her blood. All left in this cursed galaxy that matters to me” he said over their clashing blades, its light making his eyes even more blue, she saw Luke reflected there.  

Swallowing at his words, she retreated backwards a step, luckily he did not follow. “And I don’t need your opinion on Han” she said, changing the subject, not wanting to hear any more of this.

“What” He said, looked genuinely surprised. “I have not said anything”

She stood staring at him, saber held aloft, trying to catch her breath. “You didn’t need to. You two snap at each other all the time, and it will stop now, do you hear me”

“As you wish” he said circling her. “Besides, me telling you not to do something would probably have the opposite effect than intended. “

“Now what is that supposed to mean” she said surging forward, he just stepped gracefully away from the blow.

“Nothing” he replied, but she saw his small smile.” If he loves you and makes you happy, then you will hear no protest from me”

“I find that hard to believe somehow, I know you disapprove” she replied, and when he shot his foot out again, trying to trip her up, she was expecting him, and leaped sideways a step.

“Well done” he said, sounding pleased before turning serious. “Look at me Leia” She did as he suggested, breathing heavily. He lifted his hands out to the side, exposing himself. “Who am I to judge anyone? And you know I will not harm your smuggler again, by now he knows that too. All I ask is that you remember it takes more than love for a relationship to work”

Leia frowned, for all his bluster Han was a good man, maybe not what she had pictured for herself, but what did ever truly turn out the way she had expected? “You don’t know him, I do”

Vader nodded, pulling his saber out in front of him. “I trust in your judgement Leia, and I apologize” he replied, sounding genuinely contrite, ever so annoyingly polite.

Leia swung forward again, this time with a high strike, but to her surprise Vader deactivated his blade, and she stopped herself just before she cut across his neck. The blade pulsed close to his exposed skin, and she froze, heart thudding in her chest. One more move and he would be gone, she would never have to look at him again, him and his mournful eyes.

“Why?” she hissed “How could the lives of so many cease to matter to you at all? We all have our scars, Luke has them, I have them. But we don’t do this! Why would you do this?” she said, her voice breaking, tears threatening to spring free, but she did not waver, not for a moment.

“Because I was afraid” he replied quietly, eyes locking onto hers over the blue glow of the blade. His scars now an open wound.

Shaking her head, she pulled back, retreating to a safe distance. It frightened her how easily he could disarm her. “You’re crazy, do you know that, I could have killed you” She said, trying desperately to calm her racing heart.

“No, you wouldn’t. “he said softly, and Leia realised that in that moment, he had more faith in her, than she did in herself. Although why he had chosen to trust her, she could not fathom. Though she had to admit he was right, she wouldn’t, she couldn’t, not anymore.

Pressing the button on the saber, the plasma beam vanished instantly, she didn’t want to fight him anymore.

“You called yourself a slave, what did you mean by that?” she asked, when her heart felt sufficiently calm. Those words had bothered her since she first heard him utter them.

“I meant exactly what I said, I was born into slavery, on Tatooine with my mother.”

“But you were a jedi?”

“Oh yes, but I did not start out that way. When I was nine a man with a glowing sword offered me a different life. He offered me freedom, or so I thought at first” He shook his head, half sitting down on the table. “So I left her there, in chains”

“Your mother” Leia asked moving closer.

“Yes, I only saw her one more time after that, as she died in my arms. And before you ask, no I didn’t kill her” he said, holding a hand out as if to stop her words.

“I wasn’t about to ask” she replied, and she hadn’t been. “And your father?”

“There wasn’t one” he replied, and Leia could see him stiffening. There was another story there, but she got the feeling he wasn’t ready to speak of it.

“Did her slave owner kill her?” she asked carefully, thinking of all the terrible things she had seen chained to Jabba’s hideous flesh.

“No, sand people, she had been freed by then, and married a man named Clegg Lars, Owens father. I only ever met the man that would raise my son once, yet he did it anyway, from such a tenuous connection. Though he probably did it more because of my mother, he still shames me” Vader said sadly.

“According to Luke they were good people. “she said, walking over to the table, putting her saber down, noticing he had done the same.

“Yes, and the empire killed them, like it killed so many innocent people. Many of them by my own hand” He said, looking down at his large leather clad hands, like he couldn’t believe it himself.

“I killed them all, the sand people, for what they did to her. I slaughtered them like animals. To young and angry to understand that it made me as bad as they were, if not worse. My first true steps towards the dark side. To the path of hatred, that enslaved me more than any slave master ever could.”

He looked back up at her. “The irony does not escape me you know, that I swapped one chain for another. Or as you aptly put it my leash”

She had said that, hadn’t she, not knowing how closely she had hit her mark. Her own memories of being a slave still filled her with disgust. The sense of hopelessness, of being treated like a thing not a person. It had enraged her, to just sit there unable to act. But unlike Anakin she had known someone would eventually come for her. What had he known, or seen, and what would years of slavery do to a person? Leia shuddered, glad she would never have to find out.

“Don’t pity me Leia, slavery is no excuse for what I have done” he said sharply, misunderstanding the reason for her horror.

“Believe me I still hold you responsible for what you have done.” She told him, while tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, it had probably escaped during her exertion. “It’s just that when I went to rescue Han from Jabba, I was captured. He literally kept me on a chain. I can’t image what growing up like a slave would have been like.” The thought alone enough to make her feel ill, the stench of Jabba filling her nostrils, just at the memory.

“What?” Vader exclaimed getting up from the table, looking absolutely horrified. “I knew I should have strangled that oversized slug when I had the chance”

“No need, I did it myself, with my own chain” she said, hesitating. “And I felt happy when he died, it was satisfying.” Now she was the one looking down at her hand, small but deadly if need be.

“Oh Leia, I am sorry, yet another thing I have done to you isn’t it, if not directly.” He shook his head, noticing her forlorn expression.

“Feeling that way doesn’t make you evil Leia.” He said softly “To be angry is to be human, that is what your mother would have said. And she was right to an extent. The trouble is when you let it consume you.”

“I wish I was more like Luke sometime, no matter what happens, he is always so calm. It’s almost annoying. Hard to believe he is my twin.”

“I can believe it” he said, “Besides that boy is unnatural”

Leia’s eyes snapped up to Vader, ready to defend Luke, until she noticed the warm glow in his eyes, he was teasing her again. And despite herself she smiled “True that”

He gave her a small smile back, and Leia felt something inside her shift just a little bit more. To end her own slavery, she had used Jabba’s own chain against him to free herself. Vader would not have had anything to hold onto, to pull him back. Not until Luke had done what no one else could, seen behind the mask. Offering Vader, the one thing strong enough to help him break his chains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted one quiet moment between the two before we land. Well kinda quiet since they actually literally fight this time. Next update will not be so quick, but it might have Luke in it, and someone else;)


	19. Landing

“It doesn’t work, how many time do I have to tell you that!” Leia said, while reaching her hand out again, concentrating. Trying in vain to move her saber, where it lay still on the table. It didn’t even as much as twitch.

“You are overthinking it.” Vader replied, as the treacherous saber flew straight into his hand. Angrily she tried to take it from him, but he held firmly on to the hilt. “Patience, Leia”

“Easy for you to say” she said, giving it another tug. No matter what he thought, this was not something she knew how to control. At Padme’s grave rage and grief had driven her, and if spending time with Vader had taught her anything, she knew that was not the way forward.

“It will take time, but you will get there.” He added, before he finally let go.

“Well we don’t have time do we” she said getting to her feet. No longer able to fight back her impatience. What time did Luke have left, while they were sitting there?

“Oh my they are fighting, someone please get help” Threepio came tottering into the hold, swinging his head between them, and the lightsaber she was clutching, clearly having witnessed their little tugging match.

“It’s ok Threepio, we are not fighting.” Not any more at least, though their battle was far from over.

“General Solo wants you in the cockpit, we are approaching the moon.” The droid added, keeping his distance from Vader, who had folded his hands on the table, looking faintly amused. What was it about Threepio that fascinated him so?

“Good, I will be right there” she said, before turning back to Vader. “But first I have something for you” When she finally located the container she put it on the table in front of him, hesitating only briefly before opening the clutch. “We know there will be trouble ahead, you will need this.” She told him, while pushing the open box towards him.

His only answer was silence, as he looked down at what it contained, features inscrutable. The mask was facing upward, its empty sockets staring vacantly up at the both of them. Leia supressed a shudder at the sight.

“Would you give me a moment alone” he asked after a while, his eyes never leaving the mask. Catching the expression on his face, she nodded and started to walk away. He didn’t want to her to see this she realised, and to be honest neither did she want to.

Just as she was about the leave the hold, she cast on last glance back at him. He had picked the mask up now, holding it in one gloved hand. Head bent low, shoulders slumped forward, the man looked down at the face of the ruthless machine, clearly not liking what he saw. Uneasily she turned away and headed for the cockpit.

By the time she got there, they had already entered the atmosphere. Grey skies flooded her vison through the viewport, a welcome contrast to the darkness of space. It might be a dull light nearing so close to twilight, but it was light nonetheless, she had just about had enough of the dark.

“It doesn’t look like much.” Han said when he spotted her, tilting the Falcon downwards, so they were flying low across the surface. Leia drew in a breath of relief as a sense of awareness tugged softly at her mind. Luke was close by now, she could feel him.

“Might be more underground. Some of the architecture looks quite old.” She said, leaning forward to get a better view. Unlike Endor this moon was not a large forest, but mainly grassy plains, and rocky outcrops. Several large needles of grey stone peeked out of the ground, like lonely monoliths. Leia could not help but wonder if they were quite natural. However just a head, set a top a flat plateau, a structure that clearly was not, dominated the empty landscape.

“Hopefully the kid will be there” Han said, as he reached over and pulled one of the levers on the panel in front of him, increasing their decent.

“He is” Vader’s deep baritone voice reverberated across the small cockpit as soon as he entered. Straightening Leia could not help the feeling of dread it invoked. That voice induced memories of pain, hours of torment, only her will alone keeping her from spilling all the secrets he had sought. Even now years later, she wasn’t sure how she had managed it.

Han also uneasy, cast suspicious looks back across his shoulder with regular intervals. Chewie growling low in his throat. Vader tilted his helmet in her direction, in a gesture that was probably meant to be reassuring. It wasn’t. 

“No chance to hide our approach in this place, they will now we are coming.” Han said, after the shook had worn of. Although neither of them were able to ignore Vader’s presence, his breathing acting as a constant reminder. Leia hated that sound.

“I know, I sent a message to Doctor Kian with our location, he should be here soon.” But soon might not be soon enough. Not for Luke.

“Should we wait?”

“No we have waited long enough, find us a place to land”

“Leading us into suicide again princess” Had asked nonchalantly, but he still heeded her request, turning the ship.  

“When have I ever done that? May I remind you, you were the one that landed us inside a giant space slug!” Han spun to face her pointing a finger in her direction, flinching when he spotted Vader. The black helmet tilted from on to the other, though thankfully he did not speak.

Suddenly Chewie reached out a hand between them, interrupting any forthcoming retort from Han. Roaring he pointed down at spot just below the plateau. Looking in the direction of his arm, Leia could vaguely make out a small landing platform, with obvious signs of movement.

“There is someone fighting down there, is that Luke?” Han asked, as he moved them closer. Leia leaned forward, squinting to get a better look “No, but it’s definitely someone wielding a lightsaber.”

Several battle droids were swarming a lone fighter, who moved across the landing platform like it was a dance, and not a fight for survival.

“It cannot be” she heard Vader say from close behind her. His mechanical voice sending an uncomfortable shiver down her spine. “Lower the ramp!”

“No, we are still in the air” Han bit out.

A black arm stretched forward past her and pressed the release button, then Vader turned on his heels and left the cockpit.

“What is he doing?” Han asked.

“I think he intends to jump. Han please bring us down quickly!” She turned around and ran in the direction of the now open ramp. Just below, she could see Vader land surprisingly gracefully before running in the direction of the fight, his lightsabre already alight.  Leia was not about to attempt that. That was the last she saw of him as the ramp started to close again for landing.

It felt like an eternity before it opened again and she ran out. She had brought her lightsaber, but felt more comfortable with her blaster. Holding it aloft she followed the sound of fighting. What greeted her when she got there, was carnage. Droid parts splattered the ground across the entire platform. Vader was spinning his blade from one to the other, cutting them down at a speed and precision, that was staggering. These were only pieces of machinery and metal, but she knew very well he had done this to many creatures of flesh and blood. A ruthless killing machine, not held back by any semblance of conscience.

Her eyes were quickly drawn from Vader to the second fighter, who move with equal precision, but instead of wielding one lightsaber, two silver beams cut through the air. It was a togruta female, tall and graceful, with blue and white head tails, and warm orange skin

Some of the droids spotted Leia, lifting her blaster she shot at those who came to close. However, between Vader and the newcomer, it did not take long before there was nothing left but broken fragments. When it was all done, the fighter turned to face them, sabers at the ready. Glaring at Vader and the lightsaber in his hand, her large blue eyes widening.

“You might have Anakin’s lightsaber, but you are not him!” The stranger finally spoke, narrowing her eyes at Vader, making no signs of relaxing her stance. Not that Leia could blame her, it was the sane thing to do in his presence, at least it had used to be. It took her a moment to register the mention of Anakin’s name.

Frowning Leia looked back at Vader, he made no reply. Just bent his helmed head down to look at the saber he was holding, deactivating the beam.

“You are nothing but an insult to his memory, and this time I will end it!” the stranger spoke again, steel in her voice. Sitting one foot slightly behind the other, preparing for attack.

Vader still silent, stood there motionless, his black helmet did not reveal anything, but pain hit Leia full force. Like someone had reached out and thrown a bucket of icy cold water in her face. The chilly sensation caused her to gasp, and he tilted his mask at angle towards her briefly. Then very slowly he reached a hand up towards his head, but before it was halfway there, he paused. Apparently he had changed his mind, instead clenching his fingers around his saber, the stranger stiffening at the sight.

Then unexpectedly Vader threw it down at the stranger’s feet, causing her to take a graceful leap back, holding one saber out in front of her. “I will not fall for this” she said. With one last suspicious glance down at Vader’s lightsaber she struck, with a high angle thrust that would have cut his head clean off.

Before Leia even knew what she was doing, she had ignited her own, stopping the silver blade in its tracks. The stranger’s fast reflexes stopped her second blade from ending Leia’s life. Reckless folly was apparently a family trait, she thought grimly. For this fighter was far beyond her, yet she sensed no ill intent. Not towards her anyway.

They stood there blinking at each other in surprise. Pure instinct had driven Leia to act, yet she was as surprised by her actions as the stranger in front of her. “Stay out of this” She hissed, but Leia shook her head, trying to use her saber to push her away, but she was far too strong.

“I can’t let you do this” Leia told her. Despite everything she would not let an unarmed man be killed right in front of her, not even him. This time when she pushed, the strange moved back, frowning as she looked down at Leia, sizing her up.

“Who are you, and why are you protecting this monster?” she asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know!” Leia bit out, she needed him to find Luke true, but there was something more than that had prompted her forward, something she was not yet ready to name. “I need him to find my brother”

“Look elsewhere for help, there is nothing but death there. Please just let me finish this, it’s time for it to end.” Her deep blue eyes pleaded with Leia, sorrow and grief, not rage was reflected there. Overhead a flash of lightning struck, the responding crack of thunder booming somewhere in the distance, startled Leia felt the first few drops of rain touching her cheeks.

“Ahsoka” A commanding voice echoed across the platform, and they both spun to face Vader. He had taken his helmet off, holding it limply by his side. When they turned he let it slip from his fingers down to the ground. It hit with a thump, rolling across the surface, before coming to a halt at their feet. Another bolt struck, nearer now, lighting up the mask for a moment. The face of death, such a contrast to the broken man that dwelled beneath it.

Horror crossed Ahsoka’s face at the sight of Vader’s scared face, Leia on the other hand felt a strange sense of relief.

“I have seen your eyes before, remember? I saw only death there, my death if you had your wish” Ahsoka said, tightening her grip on her saber’s, Leia all but forgotten.

“Will you not look again? Vader asked, taking a cautious step towards them. Dark grey clouds had gathered above now, rain starting to pour down, scattering across the graveyard of broken droids.

“I can’t look at that again, once was enough.” Ahsoka replied in a croaky voice, turning her head away from him, her cheeks wet. Was it tears, or just the rain Leia wondered, as she looked at the woman who had once been her father’s apprentice.

Vader moved closer, “I heard you” he said, taking a ragged breath. “For a fleeting moment, a tiny fraction of an instant, I heard you” his, voice coming out as barely a whisper, as he struggled for breath.

Ashoka shook her head, steeping back to maintain the distance between them, Leia trapped in the middle, feeling like an interloper. “Am I supposed to believe that? You tried to kill me.”

Leia looked again at the man who was her father, would he ever seize sickening her? Was there no one, or nothing in his life, he had not tried to destroy?

“It’s the truth Ahsoka, but it just wasn’t enough.” He stopped his approach, gasping for breath.

Moving forward Leia picked the mask up angrily pushing it at him “Put this back on, you are of no use to me dead!”

“I can last for a little while longer” he replied ignoring the mask, still looking at Ahsoka. His sadness yet again assaulting Leia’s senses, it hurt so much it ached.  

“Ahsoka, please look at me” he pleaded.

“No, no, no! You are not him”

“I don’t know who I am anymore, all I know is that I am here.” He replied sadly, taking another step towards her.

Ahsoka started to move backwards, away from him still shaking her head in denial. “It’s not possible”

“Ahsoka, wait.” Vader pleaded again, but she kept on walking. The rain was increasing in intensity, as the dim light of this place started to fade, the storm clearly drawing closer. Leia wanted to find shelter, but couldn’t rip her gaze away from the two people in front of her.  

“You once told me you would not leave me again. Please don’t leave me now” Vader said in a brittle voice, making on last attempt, every breath sounding like a struggle. Finally, at those words Ahsoka stopped dead, and when Vader stepped forward again she let him close the distance between them.

“Anakin?” Ahsoka whispered, he nodded before clutching a hand to his chest, desperately trying to draw breath.

Just then Artoo came rolling down the ramp closely followed by Han. Apparently he must have seen what was going on, because he carried a breather in his utility arm, rushing toward Vader as quickly as he could. By now Vader had started to wheeze. Leia ripped the breather from Artoo as soon as he was close enough, stomping up to Vader and intersecting herself between him and Ahsoka.

“Put this on. Now” His eyes looked straight over her head, still fixated on Ahsoka. Tapping his chest to get his attention, Leia pressed it into his hands, he blinked and finally focused on her. Did he not care if he lived or died, or was he just plain crazy? “Now!”

He nodded, holding it in front of his mouth, not bothering to put it on properly. The moist air caused it to fog on the inside, but at least he was finally breathing evenly.

Han came up to stand by her, taking in the strange scene. The rain was making his hair wet, and he had a quizzical expression on his face. Leia shrugged in response.

“Who are you?” Ahsoka asked, addressing them, but never turning her gaze from Vader.

“My name is Leia Organa and this is Han Solo.” Leia replied, indicating herself and Han.

“I have heard of you, who in the rebellion hasn’t. What I cannot understand is what you are doing her, with him”

“Taken leave of our senses, that’s what” Han muttered, looking at Leia, she glared at him, so much for support.

“We are here trying to find my brother, he was taken”

This caught her interest, and she met Leia’s eyes for a moment. “Taken, by who?”

“I am not quite sure, likely my own people” Leia admitted. “What are you doing here?”

“Also looking for a friend, he too was taken”

“Who?” Vader asked, having regained his breath enough to speak. Ahsoka eyed him wearily, but was no longer openly hostile.

“I hate to break up the party” Han interrupted before Ahsoka could reply. “But might there not be more of these around somewhere?” He asked, as he kicked a droid head across the ground.

“They swarmed me as soon as I landed I believe they were expecting me, no doubt more will on their way” Ashoka told them.

“We should head to the plateau quickly then, it must be where they are keeping Luke” Leia said, by now she was nearly soaked all the way through, her hair plastered to her head. But she would dry when Luke was safe.

Ahsoka shook her head, “I tried that, I almost got shot down, there is an entrance here that should lead inside, beneath the fire of their turrets.” She pointed to a doorway that was located on the far side of the platform, leading down underground.

“I believe it leads to the facility on the top”

“Good, let’s go” Vader said, reaching out he took the mask from Leia, apparently having regained his sanity, and together they walked across the platform, followed by Ahsoka, Cleary for now an uneasy truce had been formed.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been at bit meh with this one, well posting anyways.   
> I grew to love Anakin as a character through the cartoon, much more than the movies. Ahsoka is such a large part of that, so here she is. I don't believe she would actually attack an unarmed man, but she believes Vader was bluffing hence she struck.


	20. Bonus Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit different, and I wasn't sure if I should post it. Some of you were so happy about Ahoska's appearance I felt a bit bad, she is here for a reason, but is not the main event. I don't want anything to take away from Leia and Anakin, and I want people that have not watched the cartoon to be able to read as well. But at the same time it would be strange if Ahsoka and Anakin did not talk a little before we go further. It's just that having a heart to heart without being inside the mind of at least one of the people involved is difficult, hence I wrote a little snippet from Anakins perspective, something I had not intended to do. So this is just a bit extra.

 

Standing beneath the archway leading to the tunnel below he pulled the breather Leia had given him across his face, the helmet tucked safely underneath his arm. He hated that thing, if not for Leia’s distressed face he would have cleaved it in half with his lightsaber.

Inside his chest, his battered heart did a strange little jump at the thought she worried for him. But he was fooling himself he knew that. Looking up, he spotted her still standing outside in the rain, Han wrapping her in a warm coat. Her features relaxed visibly at the kind gesture, but he was too far away to see the eyes he loved so much. Padme’s eyes, though they burned with Leia’s own particular fire. He could only hope she did not burn to bright, so she would not turn to ashes, not like he had.

Leia caught him looking and glared at him, shooting daggers with her eyes. Briefly he had to stop himself from smiling, he found her scowling rather endearing by now, but if she knew that she would spit fire at him.  Even from here he could sense her loathing, her hatred. But above all her confusion. Its ok he wanted to say, I hate me too, he thought bitterly.

Leaning one shoulder on the wall, he let is eyes search the platform for Ahsoka, he could not see her, but he knew she was close. The tattered remains of their broken bond was tenuous, brittle, but somehow still there. Unconsciously he squeezed the helmet tightly beneath his arm, he had to force himself to relax so he would not crush it. Right now he was tempted to put it back on, no matter how much he detested it. Rather that, then anyone seeing him cry. If he even knew how to do that anymore, that was.

The rain splatter steadily on the ground in front of him, he desperately wanted to go out there and find her, to go to her, but what would he even say. What could he possibly say? I am sorry, did not cover it. Much to his surprise when he looked up again, she had reappeared heading straight for him.

Relived he took another deep breath, relishing the feeling of air filling his lungs, she hadn’t left him. He supposed he ought to feel shame for having resorted to begging, but he had no shame left, not anymore. He had nothing left really, only Luke, and Leia whether she wanted him or not. And maybe, just maybe Ahsoka, but that might be too much to hope for. As much as he tried to stamp out any hope, it was a very persistent thing, and always the very last thing to die.  

Twilight was descending and soon it would be dark, in spite of the rain his throat felt dry, and he swallowed hard. By now she was only a few steps away from him, standing outside the arch in the pouring rain, fidgeting with something.

It took him a while to realise it was his lightsaber, he had been so shaken he had forgotten to pick it back up. Once upon a time, Obi Wan would have scolded him for such a stupid mistake. Another stab of regret pierced his heart at the thought, but what was done could not be undone.  

 Vader on the other hand would never have made such a foolish error in the first place, but then again he would never have dropped it willingly.  All he had wanted was to show Ahsoka he was no threat, not anymore. He had given her an opportunity and she had taken it, supposedly he should feel proud, yet it still hurt. Which was a hypocritical thought considering all he had done.

Leia’s unexpected defence however, had caught him by surprise. He knew she thought herself more like him than Luke, but she was wrong. For the most part she had treated him with more kindness than he deserved. It had been unnecessary though, he would have evaded the blow. He cared nothing for his own life, but he would not die as long as Luke needed him.  As long as they both did.

Thinking of Luke, he had to resist the urge to clench his fists, at these times he missed Vader’s certainty. He would have let nothing or no one stand in his was, to get what he considered his, without a conscience, devoid of any regret. All save one that was, the one that was his only constant.

Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to remember her face, but for all the precious memories he had of her, one always came to the forefront ending the same way every time. With her slumped across the ground lifeless, and he, her useless husband had left her there. All these years later, he still did not understand it himself. Yet he had not killed her, just served her killer for over 20 years, the thought made him feel sick. Rage threatened for pour forth, but he pushed it back. He would not betray Luke now, who had nearly given up his life, to save his father’s miserable soul.

The image in his mind shifted, lately there was a new addition, Leia’s face crumbled in pain and fear as he tormented her again and again. He opened his eyes, when he could not take it no more. By now Ahsoka was standing just out of reach.

“Did you have it all this time?” she asked softly, keeping herself preoccupied by studying it intensely. Avoiding looking at his hideous face.

“No, Obi Wan did”

“He is alive?” she asked, her eyes snapping up to his face. He could not help but notice the small flinch that crossed her features as she saw him up close, before it vanished and hope took its place.

He looked away, please don’t make me say it he thought, and apparently he didn’t have to as understanding dawned, and the light faded from her eyes as quickly as it had appeared.

“Oh” she replied, yet again busying herself with the saber.

 “How is this possible?” she asked after a long pause, stepping closer underneath the arch, out from the rain staining her cheeks wet. Her being so tall he did not have to look down far to see into her eyes. He wanted to look away, but forced himself to maintain eye contact.

“Luke” he said straightening, moving away from the wall so he could study her, while there was still some light left. That she was an adult now still left him reeling. His little snips all grown up, and she had done so without him. Just like Luke and Leia, but had they not been better off in the end? What he loved he tended to destroy.

“He is your son isn’t he?” she asked, searching his eyes. “I had wondered. But it just seemed so unlikely. Yours and Padme’s”

He nodded. Knowing she was thinking the same thing as him, he had done for Luke, what he had not been able to do for her.

“Well he is your family” she said quietly, but he could feel her hurt. Once he would have known what to say, or at least had a witty retort up his sleeve. However, now nothing was funny anymore.

“So were you” he told her, reaching out a hand touching her arm, she stiffened, almost taking a step away. He let go, his heart beating sluggishly in his chest, the never ending ache intensifying. What had he expected her to do exactly. He swallowed hard before speaking.

“I loved you Ahsoka, never doubt that” And it was the truth, he had, she had been his family.  But that was part of the problem. Anyone foolish enough to love him always paid a price, often the ultimate price.  Had fate not separated them, he would have killed her.

“I never have, not even then” she said simply, eyes shining with unshed tears. The sight of them made him feel even worse, he hadn’t thought it was possible.

“I miss her you know.” She said suddenly. “Sometimes it feels like everything good died the same time she did”

“You did not” So many good things had remained, but he had turned from them all, wallowing in his own self-pity.  It had also been the same time that Vader was born, she hadn’t said it, but she didn’t need to.

“How did you?” he hesitated. Wanting to look away from the eyes that had once trusted him above all else, and he had betrayed. But he didn’t, he might be guilty, but he was not a coward, not anymore.

“Survive?” she finished for him, before handing him back his saber, a good sign all things considering. Still he clipped it to his belt quickly, not wanting to face her holding a weapon, not again.

“Yes”

“When the blast separated us I was seriously hurt, in more ways than one” she looked up at him, not able to hide her pain, but he didn’t touch her again. It would only make it worse.

“It took a while to heal, I don’t think I ever really did. Not truly” She said sadly, gazing of in the distance as rumble of thunder echoed somewhere in the distance. Anakin knew she was not just talking about physical injuries, he had done worse to her than that.

“I am sorry” The words slipped out by themselves, though he was not a believer in words, or empty promises. What you did was all that mattered, not what you said. He had learned that the hard way

“I know” she said, turning back to him, her big blue eyes infinitely sad. “Why Anakin, why?” she finally asked the question he had dreaded, and now she did cry. He desperately wanted her to stop, that his selfish stupidity would stop hurting her.

“I will tell you everything one day, no secrets. But I warn you, you may regret hearing it” If they live through this that was, but if anyone was going to die it would be him. Ahsoka must have notice his determined expression, because she nodded, before adding. “Don’t do anything stupid Anakin”

“Me, never” he replied, however he did not promise anything, he didn’t make promises anymore. She gave him an uncertain smile, warming his cold heart, but he knew she didn’t truly believe him. He would help her, and his children, if it killed him so be it.

“Hey, wait a minute, she said brother!” Ahsoka seemed to contemplate for a minute wiping her eyes, before looking over at Leia, who was staring at them, but when she noticed them pretended otherwise “Is she?” Ahsoka asked, eyes wide.

“Yes, twins” he replied, looking over a Leia again, not able to hide his pride. His and Padme’s children were something else, he only wished she could be there to see them. But they were what they were in spite of him, not because of him an ugly thought interjected, but he ignored it. No matter how much he might wish to, he could not rewrite the past.

“Explains why she would protect your grumpy self” Ahsoka added, with a real smile this time, and he allowed himself a small smile in return. He wanted to know everything about her, where she had been, what she had done. Had she found love, was she happy. However now was not the time, his son needed him now, everything else would have to wait.


	21. A Dark Presence

“Here, put this on princess” Han said, tucking her into her coat, closing it up all the way beneath her chin, before giving it a tug. “Don’t want you to catch the royal sniffles, after all”

“Thank you” she said with a small smile, grateful for the extra warmth. “But it won’t help much unless we get out of this rain” she added turning to face the stone archway. Vader was standing beneath it, talking quietly with Ahsoka. Sensing her he looked up, his eyes meeting hers. Embarrassed to be caught staring, she quickly turned away.

“Who is she?”  Han asked, indicating Ahsoka with a tilt of his head.  

“She was Anakin’s apprentice, a long time ago”

“Hmm, she must be something else then, if she was able to survive him. Unless she is like him?” Han said, sending Ahsoka a suspicious glance, she couldn’t really blame him.

“No I don’t think so, somehow.” Leia replied quietly. “Come let’s head inside.”

Just as they got there Vader stepped out into rain. Leaning down on one knee he picked up a head of one of the broken droids, inspecting it.

“Find anything?” Whatever was going on her, she got a feeling they were expected. The fact that Ahsoka was here, was certainly no coincidence.

Still kneeling on the ground he raised his head to look at her. His cloak was becoming soaked, large puddles forming at his feet, but he did not seem to mind.  “These are the same type of droids used during the clone wars. I had thought most destroyed or spare parts by now.” He replied narrowing his eyes, turning the head around, so it was looking directly at him.

“You think they were just made?” Ahsoka asked, stepping up next to him “If what you said is true, and this is a foundry, someone might have started it back up again”

Dropping the head, Vader picked up a torso instead, using a finger to pull out some wiring, rubbing it between his fingers. He shook his head. “No they are old, unused perhaps, but definitely old. An early model as well, by the look of it. My guess is someone found them intact, reactivating them”

“So there may be more” Leia asked, scrutinizing their surroundings, as if more could appear any moment. But besides the sound of the wind, and falling rain, the place was eerily devoid of life. Strangely enough there was hardly any signs of local wildlife either, but perhaps they were more sensible than her, and had sought out shelter.

Picking up the head Vader had dropped, she studied its elongated face. “Hmm, these things helped bring down the old republic, they seemed so— “

“Stupid?” Vader offered, getting to his feet” Believe me what the lack in intellect, they made up for in sheer numbers”

“So maybe not a good idea to hang around waiting for them then” Han said, moving over to the archway, peering down the entranceway, its stone steps leading away into the darkness. “I don’t know about you, but I am not about the head into a dark pit without some light” he added, frowning.

Leia had to admit she didn’t like this here either, something about this place felt wrong. Shuddering, she tried to shake of the feeling of invisible fingers reaching out to touch her. The presence felt eager, almost hungry. Vader stopped suddenly, standing utterly still, whatever it was, he had sensed it too.

The sound of Artoo beeping happily drowned out the shadow for the moment, but it was not gone, of that she was certain. Ahsoka leaned down towards the little droid, on hand resting on his doomed head, a delighted expression on her face.   He cooed happily, as she offered him something.

“There you are, you useless blob of grease.  I swear I won’t offer you any more of my parts, if you keep insisting on this foolishness. Running into battle like that” Threepio told the little droid, having apparently decided it was safe for him to appear.

Artoo beeped a retort, spinning his head around looking at the mountain of droid parts scattered all around them.

“Useless inferior parts, nothing like what I am made of” Threepio said, sounding offended at Artoo’s choice, at that Ahsoka started to laugh, looking over at Vader who was also looking amused.

“Threepio?” Ahsoka exclaimed, still laughing. “I can’t believe it”

“Don’t tell me he was also yours?” Leia asked Vader, this was getting beyond ridiculous.

“Oh, it’s worse than that” Vader said, moving towards the droid, putting a black hand on one golden shoulder. “I made him myself, from scrap metal and spare parts”

Threepio swung his head towards her “It all lies, princess. He told me he would take me a part just like he had put me together if I did not shut up. But by the maker it’s not true”

“I was not fully that harsh” Vader said, letting go of the droid

So that’s why Vader made Threepio so nervous, she had wondered what happened between them, after she was knocked out. Though she understood Threepio’s confusion to his origin, she felt it keenly herself.

“He has been wiped?” Ahsoka asked, still smiling “Kept his flair for the dramatic though. No wonder considering who programed him”

 “Now what is that supposed to mean?” Vader asked, crossing his arms in a defensive posture, but his voice sounded friendly.

“Oh nothing” Ahsoka said innocently.

“Come on professor back to the Falcon” Han interjected before turning to Leia, clearly getting impatient, “I am going to get some lights”

“Good idea, and bring me a backpack.”  Han nodded, before dragging the droid towards the ship. When he returned he was alone. Handing her the backpack, he turned on one of the flashlights, as the Falcon took off, leaving them there alone. By now it was completely dark, the only light was the glow from Han’s torch.

“Chewie and Threepio will keep her in orbit. Knowing us we will need a quick getaway” He told her before she had a chance to ask where the ship was going.

“Probably. So maybe someone should send a fast ship to rescue us then” she teased, taking the flashlight he offered turning it on. With one last smile at Han’s put upon face she headed inside the archway.

Vader was already standing there, busy taking his breather of. Leia held her hand out for it, and with a pointed look at him, she put it in her backpack, before she swung it over her shoulders.

“Thank you” he said, before turning away from her to put the mask back on. There was a swooshing sound as it attached itself to the suit. Leia drew a deep breath, never before had she felt as grateful for her own lungs.

Lifting her flashlight up she peered into the arch, grey stone steps covered in a coating of green moss lead downwards, and she could just about make out traces of several footprint disturbing the dust. Likely from the droids, if she had to hazard a guess.

“Cosy” Han said, adding his light to hers. “Are we sure this is the right way?”

“These old tunnels should lead onto the new. Before I came here, I managed to track down a scavenger, that had been to this parts years before. Reluctantly he gave me a partial map to this place. Had a hard time to make him talk though, he seemed rather rattled, perhaps even a bit insane.” Ahsoka said, putting a hand on Artoos domed head. “I gave Artoo a copy”

Han let his light trace the outline of the archway. “It looks ancient”

“Yeah as old as the Falcon” Leia whispered to Han giving him a gently nudge, his grumpy expression making her smile despite of the gloom.

“Did he say anything else about it?“ he asked ignoring her, turning instead to Ahsoka.

“That this place is cursed” she replied with a shrug. Maz had said something similar, but not in quite those words.

“Great, just great” Han replied, waving his flashlight in the air “Being a smuggler was easy compared to all this mysterious nonsense”

“Since when do you believe in all this, anyways” Leia asked.

“Since I met you and your brother!” he said plainly, arching an eyebrow at her. Fair point.

“Before you say I was reckless for coming here alone, I couldn’t leave him behind, enough people have been lost” Ahsoka told Vader when he stepped closer, as if she was expecting a scolding.

“Ahsoka” he started, seeming more worried than anything, but she just waved him of. Leia could relate to how she was to feeling, enough was enough. Her heart could not take any more loss either, it would surely shatter.

“But you did come alone, hardly wise” Han replied,

“You practically did yourselves” Ahsoka, shot back.

Han shrugged “We brought Darth Vader.”

“Ahsoka can hold her own, even against me” Vader replied, before taking the lead, quickly vanishing into the shadows.

 Leia hurried after, so not to lose sight of him. It did not take long before they were surrounded by damp stone on all sides, the only sound was the quiet drip of water, and the echo of their boots hitting the ground beneath their feet. Han made up the rear, followed closely by Artoo who had lit his own light, cooing uncertainly.

Leia took the opportunity to study Ahsoka up close, just about managing to resist the temptation to point the light in her face.   Shouldn’t a person trained by her father be evil. Or at least damaged in some way? Ahsoka seemed fine, nice even. 

“I don’t understand, by your own admission, you admit he tried to kill you.” she asked after they had walked in silence for a while. Instead using her light to study the stone below, by now the footprints had stopped, strange. Now only Vader’s large boot print disrupted the dust ahead.  “Yet Vader asks nicely and here you are”

Ahsoka sighed, looking ahead towards Vader, but it was way too dark to make him out. The only evidence he was still there, was the quiet hiss from his respirator- “Anakin” she corrected her. “Anakin believed in me when no one else would, the least thing I can do is to believe in him now.”

Leia frowned, whoever Vader had once been, he certainly inspired loyalty in those who had used to love him. Maybe still did.

“Anakin was worth knowing, even after everything” Ahsoka told her sadly, echoing her thoughts. There was no maybe involved she realised. Leia could not help but wonder if Vader realised that.

“His fall was tragic Leia, he used to be the very best of us. I am sorry you never got to know the amazing man your father once was” Ahsoka said, looking at her, and Leia knew she meant well. But she had lived her entire life beneath Vader’s shadow. Seeing the very worst of him, nothing could ever erase that.

“I dropped a rock on him basically the first time we met, if that makes you feel any better” she said with a small smile, noticing Leia’s bleak expression.

“Depends, was it a big rock?” 

“Huge” she grinned. “But silliness aside, he feels different from the last time we met. The rage is gone. The dark side feels, well it feels wrong” she continued the smile quickly fading, as she stared at Vader’s back. Who had come into range of Leia’s light, as he slowed his pace.

“Kind of like this place” Leia replied, using the flashlight to look around. The stone wall was covered in strange markings, some reaching all the way up to the celling.

“Yes, just like this place “Ahsoka replied quietly, looking discomforted. Which was not reassuring. Should Vader even be here, if the dark side was so strong here.  

“Who are you here for anyway?” Leia asked changing the subject. But not before reaching out with the force to Vader. It felt a bit like bathing in sludge in this place, the darkness repressive, but she found him there glowing steadily. He gave her a reassuring tug in return, startled she pulled back.

“Rex, he is an old friend of mine. And he was your father’s second in command during the war.”

Leia nodded, everything seemed to lead back to Vader. If this was indeed a trap for him, where they walking into it blindly? When she lifted her light to the ceiling this time she could see nothing but darkness.  Apparently they had stepped out from the tunnel into a large cavernous space.

Artoo rolled ahead, his lantern lighting up the wall in front of them. Vader had stopped by a large boulder, the door she could barely make out behind looked much newer than its surroundings

“Well we won’t be going that way” Han muttered.

Vader lifted one glove hand and the large stone made a crunching noise as it slid easily to the side, like it was nothing.

“Never mind I said something” Han added, as the door behind came into view, Artoo rolling forward to open it.

“Well we know the droids did not come this way” Leia said, indicating the lack if footsteps. It looked like nothing been down here for a while, dust covering every surface. There were several arched doorways next to the now exposed door. She had a feeling they lead further down below ground, not up where they needed to go. Every single one was bordered up, and by the look of it, it was deliberate. Had the passages simply collapsed or were the trying to keep something in. Leia wasn’t sure she wanted to know. The door by the boulder looked newer at least so hopefully they were header in the right direction.

“They probably just hid inside the mouth of the tunnel, waiting to ambush Ahsoka. No one has walked this path for quite a while.” Vader said, indicating for them to follow, as the door opened with a groan. The lit corridor on the other side was of metal, not carved from stone. Happy to be out of the damp tunnel, Leia packed her flashlight away.

Leading upwards the corridor went on for what felt like forever until they finally reached a cross road, separating the corridor into three branches. Artoo turned his holo projector on, displaying the map. It showed an array of tunnels, overlying a much larger older structure that was only partly mapped out.  The one just ahead lead into the main part of the facility, the other two  were side corridors, one leading further up, another around the back.

“I say we head up” Ahsoka said, “Get the vantage spot”

“But this is where they are keeping Luke” Vader said, pointing at the main part, and Leia knew he was right, she could feel her brother close by.

“It’s a trap Anakin, you can’t just barge in the front door!” Ahsoka replied sounding exasperated, before muttering more quietly “Somethings never change”

“I know Ahsoka” he replied, shaking his head. “So I say we split up. You head up, with Artoo, I’ll go with Leia straight ahead, and Han goes in the backway” he added, pointing out the various spots on the map.

“Hold on a moment, shouldn’t Artoo go with Han at least?” Leia asked, she didn’t like the thought of splitting up.

Vader shook his head again “Ahsoka will need him to deactivate the turrets, and she can make the climb easily” Now he indicated part of the corridor that had collapsed, a force user would have no trouble, however she and Han would.

“I don’t need a babysitter anyway” Han said, looking offended. “But I hate to break it to you, I don’t think Artoo is quite limber enough for a climb” he added sarcastically to Vader.

“That will not be a problem” Vader stated simply.

“If you say so. But you are not taking Leia straight into trouble. Not without me” he said stubbornly, putting a hand on his hip, shooting Vader a dark look.

Vader sighed, straightening to his full height. “I doubt they want to hurt Leia, these are her people. At best, her bringing me in is giving them exactly what they want. Namely me. At worst they end up dead, not her”

“I don’t want you to kill anyone for me” she told him aghast. 

“Neither do I wish to, but if it comes down to you and Luke, or them, I will have to.” he said holding his hands out. “But out of all of us, you stand the greatest chance to end this conflict peacefully”

Leia knew he had a point, perhaps she could talk them down. Whatever had brought them to this, she still held a high standing among her own, even now. She could only hope it was enough. “Alright” she nodded turning to Han. “It will be ok, just be ready to have my back if it goes wrong”

“You mean when” he replied, still looking reluctant. Leia put her hand on his arm “We have to get Luke, besides we have faced worse, haven’t we?”

“Well that remains to be seen doesn’t it?” He replied, before he turned and headed down the corridor, hopefully their luck would hold and it would be as empty as this one had been.

“Ahsoka, take Artoo and bring down those turrets, then remain unseen until needed. They may know we are coming, but they may not know how many we are. Not yet”

Ahsoka stood still for a moment, eyes fixed on Vader’s mask.

“It’s still me Ahsoka” he said in a way that was probably meant to be gentle, but his mechanical voice came out distant.

“I know” she smiled. “I know, I just have hard time believing you are actually here” she bent her head, clearly gathering herself. When she looked up again, her eyes were glistening with tears, but she was smiling all the same. “Stay safe Anakin”

“You too Ahsoka” he replied, inclining his helmet at her.

“Roger, roger” she replied with a mock salute, and Leia swore Vader laughed. “Come along Artoo” The droid beeped a friendly farewell, before heading up the corridor following Ahsoka closely

Vader stared at them walking away, until they vanished beyond sight.  Even then he remained rooted to the spot, his helmet tilted upwards, like he was afraid they would leave him, and never come back. It hit her then just how lonely he really was.

“Come, someone else needs you now” she said after clearing her throat. He nodded, and together they walked side by side, into the corridor beyond.  Luke’s presence growing brighter with each step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke is close by I promise! (unless he has died from starvation or boredom by now, hehe)  
> I always thought it a bit silly Anakin made 3po, but it is what it is.  
> And don't worry Ahsoka will be back soon, but to many characters at once makes my head spinn:)


	22. Lost

Anakin closed his eyes, reaching out with the force following the light of Luke’s presence, he could feel him, but silence was the only response. _“Hold on Luke, I am here.”_ He thought, sending it out through the bond Luke had formed with him, a bond he for so long had denied even existed, hoping his son could hear him.

 _“We are here”_ he corrected as he opened his eyes again, looking over at Leia, who was busy opening the door just a head. With that last reassuring thought he followed her into the large chamber beyond.

It was several floors high, the top not visible from where they were standing. Though he could see rows of feet suspended in the air. Chain after chain of droids, hanging just above, abandoned. Some crushed to pieces as they had fallen down to the ground.

He wondered not for the first time what this place was, and why it had been deserted so suddenly. It certainly had something to do with what lay hidden beneath, what he could feel down below. Whatever it was, he would rather avoid it.

“Nice place” Leia muttered, clearly not impressed. Anakin smiled in spite of himself, he rather liked this daughter of his. But as soon as that nice thought appeared, other darker once followed. He had lost her entire life, in the end she had been someone else’s gift. Frustrated he shook it off, his time as Vader had taught him to keep his thoughts in the now, and that’s where he needed to be, plenty of time for regret later.

Just a head he could vaguely hear the sound of metal clanking and the soft murmur of voices. Following the sound, he stepped over shattered droids, scattering dust as he walked. Not so long ago those voices would have already been silenced, not knowing what had hit them. Not unless he had wanted them to, but he was not that man anymore. 

“Someone is here” Leia whispered, and he turned towards her again, but she did not look frightened, just determined. Not surprising, she would run through fire to save her brother, he was here to make sure she didn’t have too.

“I know, take this” he said, handing her his lightsaber, “I would not be wise for me to show up armed” she accepted with a nod, adding it to her bag.  Even if he was not bone weary of death by now, he still would not kill these people. Not only did he never wish to kill again, but he could not in good conscience destroy what little remained of Leia’s people, he had hurt her enough.  He only hoped giving himself up would prevent any unnecessary bloodshed.

Leia moved in front of him taking the lead, as the small gathering came into view. Some were standing close together talking, others doing droid repairs with little success. He would have been able to repair the droids easily, this lot on the other hand clearly did not know what they were doing.

Finally, they were spotted, gasps and exclamations of terror flew throughout, people scattering to their feet, grabbing for their weapons. They had clearly not been expected, even so, this was incompetent.

“Halt” a sharp female voice rang out, as short blond woman stepped closer, frowning as she took in Leia’s face. “Your highness?” she asked sounding confused, before looking over at Vader, fear and anger crossing her taut features. “You” she hissed, but he made no response, not wanting to make the situation worse.

“I demand you take me to Luke at once” Leia bit out, glaring at the other woman. Cold dark eyes moved from Anakin to Leia and back again, before the woman tilted her blaster to the left, indicating for them to move “Walk” she said curtly, and he could feel her hatred and rage pummeling at him, knowing he deserved every bit of it.

But if had still been the man they all thought him to be, taking his son would have practically been suicide. Yet when he looked around at the tightly draw faces around him, some like the woman staring at him in revulsion, others looking away in fear. He knew they did not care, not as long as they took him with them.

 He frowned beneath the mask, the red color of the visor disturbed his normal vison, who by now he had started to get accustomed to. But he could swear these people were as pale as death, their life force weak and wispy. Added to that they stank of the dark side.  Its dark tendrils swiped greedily at him, calling to him.  The same dark feeling as he had felt outside, agitated he pushed it away, instead focusing on Leia’s bright light just a head.

She was struggling looking furious, as someone took her bag and lightsaber. That they were treating her like this was a very bad sign, and he had to force himself not to clench his fists. The atmosphere was strained, and he could feel their fear and rage, one wrong move might set them off.  With Leia caught in the cross fire. There was no doubt in his mind they knew Luke was his son, but he did not think they knew Leia was also his.

Some brave soul poked him the back with a blaster, and he started walking.  It did not take long before they were pushed in front of a gathering of people, surrounded on all sides.

 “I should thank you, your highness “A tall sickly looking man said, with a small bow towards Leia “For bringing him here. You are a bit early, but no matter.”

Anakin stepped up next to Leia, she glared at him clearly annoyed, but he did not like this man.  The feeling was apparently mutual, as his eyes narrowed, an expression of utter hatred on his face.

“Should this thing not be in chains?” he asked Leia, pointing a hand at Anakin then at the blond woman, who flinched beneath his glare.

“I demand you explain your actions at once!” Leia said glowering at him, ignoring the question. “Who are you and where is Luke Skywalker?” By now she looked ready to commit murder, hopefully she would curb her temper, and not do anything rash.  

“I am Arune” he replied, turning to a young man at his side “Get him” The man ran off the crowd splitting to let him through. After a moment two large droids entered, one dragging Luke’s limp form, before dropping him at Arune’s feet.

Luke groaned trying to move but Arune pocked him with an electro staff, the same type the droids carried. Angry Anakin stepped in front of Leia. “Let him go” he said before, she could. “It’s me you want, let the boy go”

Arune laughed, eyes alight with madness. “I want you both” he said, touching Luke with the staff again, holding it a bit longer this time, making him whimper. “Get on your knees, Lord Vader” He spat. “If I hold it too long his heart will stop”

Anakin dropped down, Arune wanted to degrade him did he? Too bad he did not realise Anakin just didn’t care.  Not for himself, but the scene of Luke writhing in pain, felt all too familiar. Luke did not call out for his father this time, he did not need to. His father was here, and he was not leaving him again. Arune removed the staff, but by now Luke was no longer moving, though Anakin could feel him, his presence still strong.

“Remember these Lord Vader?” Arune asked, indicating the large droids, as one moved closer to Luke, holding his staff suspended just above Luke’s heart. Anakin did remember very well, and could easily dispose of them. He could dispose of everyone here, he just hoped he didn’t have too.

Arune narrowed his eyes, up close he looked emaciated, his eyes bulging in his thin face.  “One move and he dies.” He hissed, and Anakin nodded subdued, at least for now.  

“This is insane, you are insane” Leia spat, moving forward, but a strong arms grabbed her pulling her back at Arune ’command, one hand above her mouth mumbling her speech.

“I am sorry your highness, I know he is your friend but we cannot let you interfere” Arune told Leia, as she scowled at him, trying to wrestle free.

Anakin felt the flow of the dark side increase, like it was a living thing, but he wanted no part of it. It did not protect, it only destroyed, so he remained seated. Ahsoka was close, he could feel it.

 “You see, my father was a mechanic during the clone wars, and learned a great deal about the workings of these things. Which he in turn taught to me. Helped a great deal when we found this place.” Arune said ignoring Leia, but several people were clearly uncomfortable by what was happening.

“Not even in the end did he believe in the lies about the Jedi, empire propaganda he used to call it. The Jedi had not been traitors they were heroes. Especially the great general Skywalker. He had been no traitor. Turns out my father was wrong does it not Anakin?” he said, lifting his staff almost poking Anakin in the chest.

“I may be a traitor, but Luke is not. Let him go” he replied, not bothering to deny the charge, as he drew on the light side, poised to attack. There would be no reasoning with this man, that was becoming very clear.

“My son is a good man, leave him out of this” he added, tilting his head upwards pretending to look at Arune, but his eyes climbed higher, and he smiled beneath his mask. Ahsoka was standing on a ledge above, as he had known she would be. He had long since forgotten what it felt like to rely on someone. As Vader he had trusted no one, not even his own men. How he had missed this, how he had missed her.

“So were you, once. Now look at you. How long will it take for him too to start using his powers for his own gain?  And we have another Darth Vader on our hands? Better to stop it now. Like father like son after all.” Arune spat, talking more to the crowd then to Anakin, riling them up.

“You don’t know how wrong you are” Anakin whispered looking down at Luke, his son was nothing like him, not at all.  “You speak of your father, yet would he have wanted this? Hurting a man, who without you would have lost? The war is over! You won”

“It will never be over!” Arune bellowed, “Not for us” he lifted the staff, indicating the rest of the men and women in the room, including Leia. “We can never go home again, all we have left is rubble and dust” His eyes were wild, half mad with grief and Anakin swallowed. What had happened to Alderaan was unforgivable, he had not been the one to give the order, but neither had he stopped it. No, he had made Leia watch as her world burned.

 “I bet he was in his garden when it happened, my father loved that garden. Used to spend hours out there after he retired. Like so many broken and upset at the fall of the republic, but he never gave up hope. Where was his hope when our world died?”  Arune asked, muttering to himself, pacing in front of them, his grasp on reality clearly weak.

“My youngest was only six months old, I only got to hold her twice, she died down there, without me.” he continued in a whisper, and Anakin felt bile rise in his throat. Children, what kind of monster killed children? But he knew, he knew all too well, because he was one.

“Then kill me, have your vengeance” he said weakly, he deserved to die, there was no point in denying it.  How many of the people in this room had lost a child, or a loved one because of him? He knew the answer, all of them, including his very own children. Anakin looked down at Luke again and over at Leia, even now he continued to hurt them. Better for both of them if he was gone.

Arune stopped his mad pacing, staring down at Anakin his eyes now fully alert.

 “You think it will be that easy? True punishment is not death, it’s to live when everything you love is gone. So no, we will not kill you Vader, we will kill him. It is rather unfortunate that he is the one that’s your son, but it cannot be helped. You will watch him die, along with your clone captain, and when your apprentice finally arrives, we will kill her too. Then we throw you in the pit to rot, to relive it over and over again” Arune said matter of factly, not looking the least bit sorry. Instead he looked gleeful and eager.

“I know pain, I know loss, but unlike the people here I cannot feign innocence. But Luke can. My actions destroyed what I loved. Don’t make him pay anymore for what I have done” Anakin said, trying again to reason with them, the man in front of him would not listen, but some of the other still might.  

 “For no matter what you do to me, or to him.  Nothing can ever fill the empty void inside you, nothing ever will” He knew that all too well, the was a gaping hole inside of him Padme had left behind, one he had tried to fill with hatred.  

Arune glared at Anakin, lifting his staff towards Luke. He knew he could wait no longer, but just then Leia elbowed her captor breaking free, and he stopped himself in time. Just as everyone’s eyes fell on her, even Arune.

Squaring her shoulder’s, she moved forward to address the crowd, he knew then what she intended to do. He shook his helmet slightly telling her no, but he knew there was no stopping her now.

” Then you have to kill me too, because I am Luke’s twin.“ she said, and it was impossible to drown out the shocked murmurs that went through the room. Eyes that might once have been open to Leia’s plea, turned cold and hostile. Others just looked confused. But it was done now, there was no keeping it a secret anymore. Oh, how he hated that she should again suffer because of him, now she would forever be judged by his actions, not her own.

Apparently unfazed Leia held her chin high, when she turned to look at him. “You were right the first time, secrets are poison. These people deserve the truth” she said, and he sighed, this was not quite what he had intended.

She turned away from him, meeting the eyes of each person there head on, daring them to judge her.

“I am the last princess of Alderaan, and you all know me. You all know what my real father Bail Organa stood for. What I still stand for, and the killing on an innocent man to punish the guilty was certainly not it.” She said firmly, indicating Luke’s limp form lying there defenceless. Some bent their heads in shame, other still looked on in fury, some even spitting at her. But she continued on, every bit as regal as her mother had been.

“Neither I or Luke are to blame for Vader’s actions. Nor did I know who he was to me until  very recently. I understand your rage, your fury. Because I share it, but by this is not the solution. We did not work so hard to destroy the empire, to let anarchy take its place. Vader will be punished for his sins, but not like this”

“Listen to the child of Vader speak, poison rolling from her tongue to confuse you. “Arune sneered, fury making his face turn red. “She is the child of evil, and must be destroyed” Several people turned to Arune, some nodded in agreement, others looked uncertain.

One man even took a step forward speak.  “The princess is right this is not what we are. Vader is one thing. But killing her or Luke, I will not be a part of this. “A few more joined him, stepping up beside Leia in support.

“You fools” Arune spat, eyes furious. “She is like him, and one day you will to regret this, if she is allowed to live”

They had all underestimated just the extent of this man’s madness, others seemed to realise this too, moving forward to step in between her and Arune. But it was too late, and he swung his staff towards her, before she could move out of the way.

Anakin could see Ahsoka make the jump, and on cue he sprung to his feet, sending Arune flying across the room, until he hit a wall with a thump, sliding down. Anakin did not need to hear the snap to know Arune would not be getting back up again.

 Spinning he turned around to Luke but the droid posed to kill him was gone, Ahsoka busy making short progress of the remaining one.  That was his snips alright, better than he even remembered.

Everyone turned to look at him in shook and terror, but he ignored them rushing instead over to Luke, shaking him gently as chaos broke out behind them. Han came running in, but he was not alone as alliance troops flooded the room. Subduing those who still resisted, but most laid down their arms willingly.

“Father” Luke asked weakly, siting up as Artoo landed beside him, cooing worriedly. “I must have fried my brain, because I swear Artoo was just flying” he said, looking confused, and Anakin wanted to laugh.

Leia flew forward hugging her brother tightly, smiling like Anakin had never seen her do before, until Luke flinched, and she pulled back worriedly. “Are you alright?”

“Yes” he said smiling, as he looked at the both of them. “I will live”

“Still a medical droid will check you out” Leia replied frowning, helping Luke to his feet, handing him over to Han. “Seems I have to rescue you again kid” he said, as started to lead Luke away. Anakin had expected Leia to follow, but instead she went over to Arune, his bulging eyes wide open in death.

 “I am sorry” Anakin said, following her “I did not wish to kill him”

“I don’t think it really mattered, in a way he was already dead. He died with his family, and the rest of Alderaan” Leia said, leaning down and closing Arune’s eyes, offering him that last bit of respect.  Anakin wanted to reach out and touch her, to say how sorry he was. But he had given up that right all those years ago, the moment he lifted his hands against her mother, so he remained quiet, words were not enough.  They never would be.

She gave him one last look her eyes filled with bottomless grief, and he desperately wished he wasn’t wearing his mask so she could actually see him, even if he was hideous.

“I should check on Luke” she said finally, before turning around and walking away, no longer having a reason to be around him.

“She reminds of Padme” Ahsoka said softly, startling him, he must be getting old and complacent because he hadn’t noticed her approach. “But she has your temperament”  

“Don’t tell her that please, she wants no part of me” he replied, turning to face her. “Thank you for staying by the way, for helping me, for everything”

She smiled “Always Anakin” she said, before her smiled slowly faded “You seemed a bit off down there, I was surprised you let it go that far”

He sighed, perhaps he had. “I acted rashly once, willing to do anything to protect, and it lead me down a path of destruction.  I just— “To his utter surprise she reached out a hand and touched his arm.

“I think I understand Anakin” she said. and he lifted his hand to touch hers, swallowing a lump in his throat. Until Artoo rolled up interrupting the moment.

“Looks like he has found out where Rex is, I will go get him, let’s talk more after” she said, her eyes a shiny as his own.

“Want me to come?”

“No stay with your children”

“Alright, but talk to Leia and take some soldiers with you, something is not right about this place”

Ahsoka looked around with a grimace “ I know, I will, and don’t worry I’ll be careful”

“You better be” he told her, and she left him with another reassuring smile, and he wasn’t so sure he wanted to die just yet after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Anakin, because this chapter was driving me a bit insane. It took me ages because I rewrote it, Leia was kind of just standing there looking back and forth, and it didn't quite work, so I found using him a bit easier. I also needed a bit of a change I think. 
> 
> Another more plot driven chapter done, now on to more angst;)


	23. Daughter of Vader

Leia wrapped the blanket around Luke’s shoulders, giving him another brief hug. They were sitting together on the ramp of Kian ship, on top of the large plateau. By now the storm had passed, and the only thing that remained was a fresh breeze. Leia pulled her coat closer, glad to be outside. Infinitely happy Luke was here, and she could not wait to leave this place. The sooner the better.

“I am fine, they did not hurt me, well not much anyway” Luke said giving her a reassuring smile. A medical droid had done a quick inspection, declaring him fit. Still she was having Kian do one himself as well.

“I am had some very strange dreams though” Luke said frowning, “I swear someone was talking to me. Calling for me, telling me to walk down, whatever that meant”

“It could just be the sedatives the used on you” Kian said, after checking Luke’s pulse. “Sometimes a dream is just that, a dream” He leaned back, giving Luke a pat on the shoulder.

“Well you seem healthy. But I do recommend you stop getting electrocuted”

“You and me both” Luke replied dryly, seeming a bit embarrassed about the whole thing. “Where is father?” he asked, looking around, peering in between the collection of ships that had landed on top of the platform.

Leia cringed, she really wished he would not say that out loud, at least not in front of other people. Just a head, Luke’s kidnappers were being led away one by one, their hatred reaching her all the way to where they were sitting.

Noticing her expression, he squeezed her arm gently “It’s done now, there is no point now in hiding it”

She glared at him “That doesn’t mean you have to call him– “she waved her hand angrily in his face “That! Not in public anyway”

More and more suspicious looks were being directed at them, as the news of the parentage spread to the newcomers. The hate she had felt from her own people, after all she had done for them, still stung. More than she liked to admit. A very few looked at her with compassion, but it felt a bit like a tiny bandage on a gaping wound.

Luke sighed, following her gaze “It will get better, when they remember who you are” he said softly, and she turned to look at him, desperately wishing to believe that.

“I hope so” she whispered, as she spotted Han and Chewie walking towards them, at least they would always stand by her. Chewie gave Luke a furry hug making him laugh. Then Han proceeded filling them in on what happened. Apparently after Artoo deactivated the turrets Chewie had led the troops here, contacting Han.

“And then I led them in to the rescue” Han finished with a grin and Leia rolled her eyes at him, making him smile even wider.

“I should find Vader” she told Luke after a while, leaving him in the safe care of Han and Chewie. It would do no good to have Vader walk freely around by himself.

Straightening her shoulder, she walked across the plateau, trying to ignore the whispers of voices in the background, but Vader’s daughter reached her ears more than once. Many faces turned to her showing utter disgust. Head held high, she walked past, ignoring them as best she could.

One her way she came across the stretcher containing Arune’s body, they had covered him, so she wouldn’t have to look at his face again. Still she stood and watched as they walked by.  She had meant it when she said he had died with Alderaan, and so had a part of her, she realised. It would be a lie to say she had not had a temper before its destruction, but she knew she was a lot quicker to anger now. More volatile, her rage was something that helped fill the void, the emptiness. But it was a very dangerous crutch. 

Turning away she spotted Vader at the edge of the platform, set a good distance apart from everyone else. Gazing across the empty landscape far below them, hands clasped behind his back. The wind hit her face, and the air had that fresh feel to it only passing rain could bring. Leia took a deep breath, yet instead of feeling reinvigorated, she felt slightly sick. 

Vader still wore his mask, though she didn’t think he wanted to. “What you did was unwise” he said, when she stepped up next to him, and she knew exactly what he was referring to.

Putting a hand on her hip, she glared at him. “Look, as far as I am concerned the fact that I am Darth Vader’s daughter can fade into oblivion, but denying you would be denying Luke, and that I will not do” she told him firmly. Though what she did not say out loud, is that she was no longer sure if Anakin Skywalker deserved such a harsh fate.

“Besides you told me not to keep it a secret after all.”

“I wanted you to own this truth before it owned you, because sooner or later it would come back to haunt you. But Leia” he turned to face her, dark eye sockets staring down at her. “I did not mean for you to do it front of a half crazed man, who wanted to kill everything I love”

 _Everything I love_ , she frowned. Chewing on his words, did he love her? Begrudgingly she had to admit, she knew he did. She had already felt that, when she touched him with the force. Yet the idea was still absurd to her. Clearing her throat, she stared away from his mask, instead focusing on the horizon ahead. The night sky was clear, stars twinkling in the distance.

“I am sorry” he said after they had stood there in silence for a while. “If I had known they would hurt you, or Luke, I would not have suggested we did it that way. I honestly thought they only wanted me”

“They did not hurt me, it takes a lot more to hurt me”

“I know” he said, his mechanical voice more quiet than she had ever had heard it before. “I wish I didn’t know, but I do.”

She bit her lip, remembering his voice as it had been then, cold and cruel. Every moment of the torment he had inflected on her. Making her writhe around in agony, screaming, begging for him to stop.  While he asked her questions calmly, clearly not bothered by her pain. Where had his love been then?

“As for Luke he is fine, he asked about you” she said, pushing the memory a way, the past was the past, it had no place in the now.

 Vader nodded “I will go to him, I just thought best I kept my distance, at least until things calmed down “

“You can’t though can you, you are part of us” she said bitterly, wishing this was still some kind of bad joke.

 “You know what this will all mean, don’t you?” he asked carefully. “All your hopes for the future, everything you wanted to do, all of it is forever tainted by me. If you wanted to follow in your mother’s footsteps, I fear– “

Leia held up a hand, stopping his words. A part of her, had known from the moment Luke first uttered the words, her days as a politician might be numbered. “I will survive”

“Off that I have no doubt, but life is about more than survival. At least it should be.” He shook his head “I am sorry two people will be forever stigmatized because of what I have done, but I am also glad you are not alone in this.”

“So am I” she said, whatever had happened, knowing Luke was her brother was a gift. Giving her family, when she thought no longer had one.

 “And you are not Vader’s daughter. He was no one’s father, lover or friend.  Just and empty shell with a vague memory of what loved felt like.”

“And who are you” she asked, turning to study his mask, but it revealed none of its mysteries.

He looked away kicking a small stone so it flew of the platform landing after on the ground far below, it was to far down to hear the impact, in fact she didn’t really hear much at all. Except for the sound of movement behind them, ahead out there, everything still felt too quiet.

“I’ll let you know when I find out”

Facing the horizon again, she looked over at one of the lonely stone monoliths, its grey stone barely visible in the weak light. “Is so quiet” she whispered to herself, but apparently he heard her.

“Yes too quiet, I don’t think we should linger here to long”

Clearly Vader did not like this place anymore then she did, she opened her mouth to ask what he was sensing when a voice called urgently to her from being, startled she turned. What now?

“Your highness!”

“What’s wrong Captain?” she asked the tall man, who approached quickly, eyes darting nervously towards Vader. He was breathing heavily, clearly he had been running.

“We have lost contact with the regiment you sent with Ahsoka, and there appears to have been a tunnel collapse” he said between breaths, trying not to look at Vader as he spoke.

“What” Vader said stepping forward, and the man’s eyes went wide, though he stood his ground, brave man.

“The tunnel they entered has collapsed, they might be trapped. We are sending out search parties, but this place is a maze” he told Leia, ignoring Vader.

“Distribute the copy of the map Captain, and try to find alternative routes trough. But be careful, this place might be more unstable then we first thought” she told him, and he nodded and turned, looking relived to leave Vader’s presence.

Hurriedly she headed back, clearly they had not left this place fast enough. Vader followed close behind, if she thought the whispers had been loud before, now they were deafening. She should at least had him shackled, this looked bad. But it was too late now.

Luke was already on his feet when she reached him, getting ready. Someone had returned is lightsaber to him, and he was busy clipping it to his belt.

“I am going down there “he told her, holding her bag out to her “Coming?”

“You should rest” she replied throwing it over her shoulder.

He gave her a look “I have done nothing but rest, she helped me, now we need to help her”

“I am going too” Vader said, tilting his head in her direction.

“No, absolutely not, I have to lock you up. In fact, I should have already done it by now.”

“She didn’t leave me Leia, I cannot leave her now. I have to set this right, as much as I can anyhow”

Leia looked around at the people around her, many still shooting her dark looks. She had done nothing to deserve this. Right now she was already being judged, it could hardly get any worse.

“Fine” she bit out “We all go together”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update, because I am trying to get somewhere in this story but it takes a bit longer than I thought:)


	24. Trapped

“Han, any luck on your side? Here there is nothing but rubble, and most of the corridors seem to have caved in decades ago.” She moved her flashlight around, it was an endless maze of passages. None, leading where they wanted to go unfortunately.

“Negative, no way in here either, and tell the kid he needs to buy me a new shirt, I just got this one, and I have dust all the way into my privates. Oh, the sacrifices I make for you lot” By now Han’s voice was barely audible, through her comlink.

Luke laughed,” Since when do you buy shirts, I am sure Leia gave it to you”

“Hey, I take my appearance seriously, unlike some” Luke frowned, looking down at himself. He looked at lot better in a set of clean clothes, then then the dishevelled state they had found him in.

“You look fine” she told him with a smile, so glad to have him back. “And talking about taking things seriously, we are rescuing someone here, enough with the chatter. I’ll try Artoo again, if they are near he will be trying to reach us”

“Fair enough, but stay safe. And tell dark and lordly if anything happens to either of you he is dead”

“Noted” Vader replied, he had taken up the lead again, but nothing seemed to escape him.

“Stay safe as well Han, we will see you soon” There was no reply, he was alright she knew that, more likely they were now cut off, being so deep below ground.  Great. Still she tried Artoo again, but there was nothing.

“Here, this one should lead us around, and across the collapsed section” Vader said, stopping just ahead the mouth of another passage, looking down at the map in his palm. “If we walk through here, it should lead us to the cells” he added, pointing a gloved finger at the holo.

“If it’s not collapsed as well” Leia said dryly, peering into the passage “This place is a death-trap”

“I could go alone. There is no need for you to follow” Vader said, putting the map away “But I cannot leave her behind”

Leia folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him. “There is every need, I am not letting you out of my sight for one. Besides if we can help we will.”

Luke walked past the both of them, into the corridor “Come on you two” he said calmly. It would not surprise her if he was actually enjoying this, having them here all together. In fact, she was sure of it.

Grumbling she followed, hoping they would not also end up buried together, enclosed in a stone tomb. At least then Luke would have his way, and they would be stuck with each other.

“I have been wondering something” Luke said, after they had walked for a while. “Why this place? Why drag me all the way out here? Not to mention how did they even find it?”

“Who knows, they all seemed insane too me, especially Arune. As for how they found it, we sent out scouts all across the galaxy when we were looking for a new rebel base. Perhaps that’s how.”

“Still” he said, looking troubled. “I have a feeling there is more to it than that. The dark side is very strong in this place”

Leia rubbed her arms, there was no denying there was a chill in the air. “And do you think he is alright with that?”  she said, pointing her light at Vader’s back, not caring if he heard her.

“I do yes” he replied, turning to look at her, with a patient smile. She had not been there on the Death star with him, when it happened. Luke’s faith in their father, and man that had done nothing at that point to deserve it, almost made her question his sanity.

 “I can’t be believe you stay so calm all the time. Nothing ever fazes you. You find out your father is your worst enemy, and what do you do. You decide to rescue him, the villain. “she shook her head “I can’t decide if I think you’re crazy or brave”

“Definitely crazy” Vader said from a head, and Leia almost smiled. Almost.

Luke grinned “In that case I am proud to be crazy. Although– “his smiled faded, and he looked suddenly uncomfortable “I came a lot closer to the dark, then I would have liked. “

That surprised her, he had such a mild temperament compared to her. A temperament she had an inkling, she might have inherited from their father. If Luke could walk so close to the dark, during the right circumstances, then what about her? What about Anakin?

Just on that thought she found herself bumping into Vader cloak, he was so solid she would have mistaken him for the wall, if not for the fabric. “What’s wrong?”

Vader did not reply, just shone his own light ahead. It seemed their luck had just ended, because the ground dropped down, the path gone. Figures.

“I’ll jump down, and see if we can continue on the passage below. If not, we will have to double back”

“We will find a way father” Luke said gently, Vader nodded in reply before he dropped off the edge and into the dark. She moved closer, peering down, from here she could barely make out the top of his head.

Just as she was about to call down to him, the ground beneath her shook, and she found herself falling. It happened so fast, she was too startled to even scream. Though strangely enough, time slowed down enough, that she could hear Luke frantically calling her name, and she could see the light reflected of the top of Vader’s helmet. Would that be the last thing she ever saw in this life? Closing her eyes, she braced for impact. When it never came, she dared opening them carefully. Only to come face to face with a row of sharp rocks. Her body floating safely, just above.

Leia blinked, as someone suddenly yanked her by the shoulders, lifting her up. Vader held her there, feet dangling above the ground. Before he lowered her gently down, at a safe spot. He must have caught her before she was crushed.

“Are you alright” he asked

She inspected herself for injuries. When satisfied there weren’t any she nodded “Thank you” she said shakily.  That had been close, too close.

Luke landed gracefully, just next to them, touching her arm, echoing Vader’s words. “Leia, are you alright” 

“I am fine, but when we get out of here, you are teaching me how to do that” she said, taking a deep breath to settle her erratic heartbeat.

“I thought you didn’t want to learn”

“I changed my mind” She was done falling over, if she had this power, she would learn to use it “Besides” she added dryly “I think I am going to need a career change”

He gave her a compassionate smile “All you had to do was ask”

“You should go back” Vader said suddenly, as they turned to the passage in front. It seemed clear, yet this place was very unstable. If they went in, they might never make it out. Leia felt shivers travel down her spine, just in standing her, it was getting colder.

But Luke shook his head, looking up the way they had come. The exit was covered in rubble. “I fear the only way out now, is ahead” He grimaced, she knew he could feel it to. They all could.

Given no other choice, they headed further in to the maze, and they kept walking until her feet ached. Leia glanced over at Luke, he too was starting to look a bit worn.

After a while Vader spun around, walking back towards them, looking from one to the other. “Why didn’t either of you say something?” He asked after a thorough inspection of both of their weary faces. “I would have stopped.“ He shook his head. “I am not used to this”

“What father” Luke asked, stretching his back.

“This concern” he said the word like it was in a foreign language. “Or at least I had forgotten how. Let’s stop for a while”

“I can go on” she said, no way was she being the one to slow them down.

“So can I” Luke added.

Vader sighed, starting to remove his helmet. “Well in that case, I am old, I need to rest. We are stopping” He was such a liar, and could probably go on forever yet. Quickly Leia handed him her bag. It was a strange relief to see his face, the mask still made her shudder.

When they found a convenient spot, they put their lights out in the middle, as a lamp.  Leia relished being able to rest her aching legs. Vader sat across from them, the light making him almost look ghost like. The mask was standing vigil at his feet, the light reflected of its dead expression, his walking prison she realised. Digging through her bag he found his breather.

“Now let me see that lightsaber of yours” Luke said, holding his hand out, unclipping it she handed it to him.

“Hmm, it’s a nice saber. Where did you get it?”

“From Yoda, after we crash landed on Dagobah”

“I did not crash” Vader said looking put out.

“Yes you did”

“I did not crash” he said again, this time addressing Luke, who was smiling broadly, looking between her and Vader.

“Then why was the ship damaged?” she asked, this time he did not reply, just leaned back with a small smile, looking amused.

 “You flew the falcon? What did Han have to say about that?” Luke asked, turning the saber on, its blue light helping to dispel some of the darkness.

“He was sleeping” Vader said casually, and Leia shot him a dark look. “Indeed”

“It’s nice” Luke said, swinging it through the air, much more gracefully then she ever had. “Perhaps Yoda made it for you, when I left for Bespin, thinking father would kill me”

“Perhaps” she said, accepting it when he handed it back. She had not really given it much thought, having been too worried about Luke.

“But you couldn’t, could you?”  Luke said, turning to Vader, who handed him a piece of fruit from her bag. “No, it seems I could not. But I never wanted you dead, I wanted you for your power. Anything else was a surprise, even to me”

He looked puzzled for a moment, “Did you sense something else Luke, about this place, the people here?” he asked carefully, as Luke took a bite.

Luke nodded, contemplating. “I was a sleep for most of it, but yes. They seem less, weak in the force somehow, faded if you will. But it could be just grief driving them mad”

“Just like that girl” Vader said quietly, his eyes staring away into nothing.

“What girl?” Luke asked, stretching his legs out.

“Some girl on the medical frigate went there to kill Vader, she was in sensed by grief, poor thing” Leia said, thinking back.  Hoping the girl would find her peace somehow, but she feared she might be broken forever. Like a part of Leia was, after Aldreaan.  

“What did you do to her?” Luke asked.

“How would I even know Luke?” Vader said wearily. “Have you forgotten what I am?”

Luke to another bite out of his fruit, swallowing before replying. “I am not the one that forgot who you are, you did”

Vader smiled sadly, before pulling another fruit from the bag, studying it. Then holding it out to her this time, she accepted it gratefully, her stomach growling.

 “I keep getting captured” Luke said, sounding peeved “Brilliant jedi that makes me. Remember we even got captured by ewoks, of all creatures.” He said to her, looking embarrassed.

“You might have been a captive. I on the other hand was an honoured guest” Leia replied cheekily, taking a big bite of her fruit.   

“I question the judgement of any race that worships Threepio as a god” Luke replied

“Fair point” Leia laughed.

“Luke, you are a better jedi than I have ever been, and I could not be more proud of you” Vader said softly, making Luke flush in embarrassment at the praise. Leia wondered if Vader knew how long Luke had waited to hear those words.

“You truly were a blessing” Vader whispered quietly to himself, looking away from them. “You both were”

When he turned to face them again, he was smiling, eyes warm. “Besides, I won’t tell you how many times I got captured, though in my defence some were on purpose” he said, now looking faintly amused.

“One-time Obi Wan got captured, and in an attempt to rescue him, I ended up getting caught as well, it was all rather embarrassing. We were all to be ripped apart by animals in front of an eager audience. I was afraid they were going to eat your mother, but she had things in hand, as always”

“She was there?”  Luke asked, eagerly leaning forward.

“Oh yes, it was her idea after all. My mandate was to protect her, not rush into conflict. So she decided to run towards it instead, giving my no choice but to follow” he grinned then, lost in memory.

 “I was more than happy to oblige. Though in hindsight I was an absolutely terrible bodyguard. We even went to Tatooine. Only time I ever met your uncle he seemed like a decent man” He shook his head, “Much better man than I”

Leaning back on a large stone, she sat there, listening to Vader and Luke speak about Tatooine. Finding herself studying Vader in the dim light, like she had done so many times by now. Trying to come to terms with the fact that this man was her father. 

Lately he was becoming more and more human, it was a subtle change. He spoke more, made jokes, and even laughed. Something she was sure, he had not done in a very long time. There was a person beneath it all, albeit a very broken one.  But he was more that, he was an echo of what once was. This was the remnants of her father, slowly coming to life.

“Answer me one thing. Why Luke?” she asked quietly, as his eyes meet her over the light. “Why not Padme, or Ahsoka. Why Luke, why now?”

He broke eye contact, closing his eyes for a moment, before meeting her eyes again. “Your mother tried, but I was insane with power by then. I wasn’t this thing” He said quietly, pointing to himself, but the cloak covered him almost completely, hiding the suit beneath. He looked nothing like Vader now. 

“The dark side was intoxicating, and I did not want give up my newly acquired power. I had only felt the rush, none of consequences. I was invincible, or so I thought. Obviously I was wrong.” He added dryly, before shaking his head, slumping slightly forward, closing his eyes again. “This is hard” he said so quietly, they could barely hear. Then he collected himself, straightening before looking directly at her.

“All those years ago, when I made the choice that the ruined the life of so many, including my own” he said, after taking a deep breath. “I marched on the jedi temple to destroy the very order, I had once belonged to.”

Leia knew this, she had heard of the purges, and the destruction of the jedi temple. All coinciding with the fall of the republic.

He hesitated briefly before speaking again “When I walked up those steps, there was still a part of me screaming, that this was wrong. So to do what he had asked of me, I drew heavily on the dark side, to drown out the sound of my conscience. When I left, there was barely a whisper. Later when he told me Padme was dead, allegedly by my own hand, there was only silence”

“I felt you father” Luke said softly, moving closer to Vader as if to offer support. “You were still there”

“That you did” he said, giving Luke a small smile “You did, before me I think. As for why you, and no one else.” He sighed, looking uncertain.

 “In my twisted mind, Padme, Ahsoka, or even Obi Wan, they had betrayed me, abandoned me. But you Luke, you never did. In fact, I was the one that abandoned you. Never have I felt as ugly as when I saw myself through your eyes. Yet you saw past the evil, you saw the good, when all I could see was the dark. In the end I wanted to see it to. Put in a position where I had to choose, your life became more important than my own.” He gave Luke’s shoulder a gently squeeze, before turning to her.

“I have no other answer for you. If your mother had lived, I do not know what would happened, but a part of me is glad she never saw me like this”

Leia nodded, it made sense in a way. “How old are you really?” she asked suddenly

“46 or 47, I am not really sure” he replied, letting go of Luke’s shoulder,

“How old were you when you ended up in that suit” she asked, feeling horrified.

“23” he said plainly. Just as old as Luke was now, the contrast between father and son sitting next to each other was staggering. She swallowed, the images she had seen of him had clearly showed a young man. But she had not given it much thought, to just how young he had been. Even if hadn’t been a monster before, what would a life inside that thing make him. Cut off from any human contact, any kindness. It hit her then that as long as she had been alive, he had been trapped

Grabbing her flashlight, she got to her feet. If they did not start moving, they would all be trapped. “Come, we should start moving, this place gives me the creeps”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little time between the three of them, before we find out what nasty awaits a head;)


	25. A Cold Touch

The double door was massive, seemingly made of solid stone. Leia rubbed her hand across it to remove some of the dust. Exposing old etchings and writings, covering most of its surface. 

“Too bad Threepio isn’t here, he could probably tell us what it says” Luke said, moving closer to get a better look. “It seems this is the way forward though”

“I can probably tell you some of what it says” Leia said sarcastically.

“What?” he asked, as he started to search the door for a release mechanism, with his gloved hand.

“Do not enter!”

 He gave her a look, but made no protest, which was not reassuring. “Ah found it” he said, and a clicking sound echoed through the passage, as the double doors started moving inwards slowly. It’s ancient mechanism struggling beneath the weight.

Taking an uncertain step inside, she looked around. While the passage behind them might have been dark, this chamber was pitch black. Unconsciously she rubbed her arms, it was freezing.

Lifting her light to her face, she could see her own breath when she exhaled. The cold of this place seemed to dig beneath her skin, all the way into her soul. She shuddered.

“I don’t think we should linger.” Perhaps this was the pit, Arune had spoken of, it certainly felt like one.

“Me neither” Luke said stepping closer to her. At that moment the doors behind them slammed shut, a lot faster than they had opened. Frowning Luke turned back to Vader, leaving her momentarily alone.

“Hello” a soft voice said, startled she spun around. Just a head of her, stood a young boy. A child? What was a child doing down here by his own? Was he lost? 

“Hi, who are you?” she asked suspiciously, leaning forward, one hand moving to her lightsaber.

The boy looked up at her with wide blue eyes. “My name is Anakin, and I am a person” he said, looking very determined.

Anakin? Leia stood up in shock, before she had a chance to reply, a pale white skeletal hand grabbed the boy by a shoulder and dragged him into the inky blackness. A pair of frightened blue eyes pleaded with her, before the darkness swallowed him hole. She took a step forward, but he was already gone.

“Hello anyone there?” She asked, turning her lightsaber on, spinning around in the dark, but there was nothing there now. Until Vader reappeared just outside the blue sheen of her saber.

“Did you see that?” she asked anxiously.

“Yes. Do not feed the visions, they will only grow stronger. We must keep walking” he said curtly, before walking on.

Hurriedly she followed, “That little boy was you wasn’t he?” she asked, talking long strides to keep pace with him.

“Once a very long time ago” he replied, but he did not deliberate any further.

Uncertain, she put her saber away, thinking of the boy’s lost expression. Just a child then, not a monster.

Luke reappeared at her left shoulder, shaking his head gravely. The door behind them firmly shut, apparently now they were truly trapped.

“Have you seen visions like this before” she asked.

“Not quite like this, but similar” he replied quietly, pulling his own cloak closer around himself.

“What did you see?”

“My self” he replied, looking over at Vader, with a pained expression.  

Vader turned his head towards them “We have to make it to the other side, whatever you do, don’t turn back, or you will drown in this place” Leia could tell he was worried, which made her even more so, somehow.

Frowning she lifted her flashlight, the ground crunched beneath her feet as she walked. Ahead a dark tendril separated from the blackness, reaching out and caressing her. Gasping she pulled back, her skin covered in goose bumps, but undeterred it intertwined itself around her wrist.

The dark space around her suddenly transformed, sharp light momentarily blinding her. Putting a hand protectively across her eyes she blinked, slowly letting her eye sight adjust. The image that met her when she could finally see, almost stopped her heart.

Gentle rays of sunlight were coming in through a large arched window. The view was one she thought she would never see again. Her father was sitting at his desk working. He had been in there most days when he was home. But no matter how busy he had been, his door had always been open to her.

Spotting her, he leaned back in his chair, giving her a gentle smile.

“Father” she whispered, feeling tears threatened to spring free. It was a vision, just a vision. Vader’s warning rang in her ears. Where was he anyway, where was Luke? She turned to look around, but they were slowly fading away. She blinked and they were gone.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to push the vision away. This was nothing but a cruel lie

“Leia” her father said softly. At the sound of his voice she could feel her tears push past her eyelids, helpless to stop it. His voice made her feel tired, sleepy. She wanted to rest, not to go back, to where everything hurt. To where everyone was gone. No, she wanted stay here where she would be safe, with her father. The man that had loved her, played with her when she was little, held her close when she was scared.

Opening her eyes again, she drank in the sight of his face. His dark eyes crinkled as he smiled, a sight that had always made her feel safe. Oh, how she had missed that feeling. Even though she had always been headstrong, independent, a part of her yearned for her father’s warm hug. To keep the darkness at bay.

“You are safe now sweetheart. He won’t hurt you again. You are here with me where you belong” he said softly, holding a hand out towards her. It would be so easy to stay, not to go back. Not to Vader, her tormenter, her birthfather.

 An image of Vader’s dark mask, blurred before her eyes, imposing onto Bails kind face. Her two father’s, they could not have been more different. She wanted Bail, not that other one.

Taking a small step towards him, she lifted her hand to touch his. Why shouldn’t she stay, this was home.  His dark eyes gleamed greedily, as she took another step forward. A shiver ran down her spine, frowning she stopped. Why did this feel wrong? Blinking she suddenly remembered another set of eyes, blue once. Lost to the darkness, all alone.

 _Alone_ , she knew that feeling.   Had felt it so keenly in her cell on the death start. Until another pair of blue eyes had rescued her, and changed her life forever.

Same but different, shaking her head she tried to remember, but her thoughts felt vague, and indistinct.  Following the thread of something familiar, someone desperately calling to her, she latched on to that bond. As she did it grew stronger. Luke!

For a moment she had forgotten him. She shook her head, letting her hand drop. Her brother, she could not leave her brother, she could not leave Han. This was not her, it was not like her to give up, to give in. Shaking her head again, she took a step back “No”

Her father snarled, getting to his feet “I should have known taking in a child of his would mean the death of us all. You brought them here, you did this!” he said, pointing at the window, and as he spoke she could see a green flash approaching rapidly.

The words stung to her very core, and now he was looking at her with hatred in his eyes, as the sky behind started to burn. Her father would never have done that. Whatever this was, this thing was not him.  Leia lifted her hand, to protect herself. It was over in a moment, the flash of light hurting her eyes, making her see green long after it vanished.

Then everything went black, and she fell to her knees. Barely noticing someone pulling her close and rocking her gently. Her wrist burned, but not from any fire, but from a chill so deep it hurt.  

“Hush” Luke said softly, hugging her close. “It’s over, you are safe now”

“They are all gone Luke. All of them” she cried into his shoulder. His worry encircled her, this was not like her she knew that, and so did he. When had she turned into such a mess?

“I am not. I am here, and I won’t leave you” he whispered, still holding her. She rested there for a moment, until something sharp dug into her thigh. Startled she opened tearstained eyes.

Grasping for her flashlight, she turned it on, pointing it to the ground beneath them. Aghast she got to her feet. “Luke is that–”

“Bones” he said gravely, as he stood. “There are more of them, everywhere”

Leia lifted her flashlight, covering the ground at regular intervals, where bones. Some human, others she did not know. Most seemed to have been there for a while, and had started to turn to dust, coating the ground in white. 

She swallowed “We need to get out of here”

“I know” Vader said. Leia had almost forgotten he was there. He had kept his distance during her little outburst, and she was glad of it. This was the second time she had fallen apart in front of him her. It rankled.

“That thing did this didn’t it?” she asked him, rubbing her tears away.

He nodded, not looking directly at her.” I think whatever it is, it lures living creatures down here to feed on their life force.”

“Great, and I presume we are todays dinner” she said, feeling fatigued. It had gotten to her so easily, the fact that she wanted to give in, just go to sleep, shamed her.

“Presumably.” He said, finally looking at her. “You did well Leia, but I fear it will try again. There are ways to protect yourself from such an attack, but there is no time to teach you now.”

Leia realised then, that out of the three of them she was the most exposed. Luke had told her, her power likely rivalled his own, and that of their father. But little good that would do her now, without the knowledge to use it.

“I will keep it from you if I can” Vader said quietly, trying to reassure her.

She nodded, uncertain if she had the strength to pull away again if it came back, she felt exhausted, more so then she ever had.

A thought popped into her head then. “Do you think Arune came down here, and that’s why he went insane?” she asked, remembering the crazed look in his eyes. Dead eyes.

“Perhaps, but you don’t need visions to driver someone mad. Grief alone is enough.” Vader said thoughtfully “But I do think it has been feeding on them, even from down here. Who knows what prolonged exposure to this place could do. But, come we should hurry.”

 As they continued on, she found herself latching on to the systematic breathing of Vader’s respirator, of all things. To drown out the sound of crunching bones beneath their feet.

In and out it went. Until a strange echo of his breath disrupted the rhythm. Confused she wondered if he had trouble breathing. That’s when she saw it. Walking purposely out of the blackness was another Vader.  Cape flickering in a non-existent breeze.

Just a head of them he stopped, nonchalantly crushing a skull with one booted foot. The mask tilted, looking between her and Luke, before focusing on Vader.

Then he lifted his hand removing the helmet, but instead of the pale scared face she had grown to expect, the familiar face of a young man, with thick dark blond hair emerged. Smirking he stuck the helmet beneath his arm.

“So this is the whelp you gave up all our power for” he said, studying Luke with disdain in his yellow eyes. “For what? So you can grovel at the feet of those less than you. To a daughter that hates you” he scoffed. “If the whelp does not want to join us, dispose of him. Then take our power back. But the girl..” he said, turning to her assessing her with interest.” She has the fire, she has the rage, her we can use”

“No” Vader said simply, stepping in front of her.

The other narrowed his eyes. “Sentiment is weakness” he hissed, pointing at them with one gloved hand. “They are your weakness.”

Vader just shook his head, stepping closer to his image, until they were head to head. “No you are” Then he walked away, his angry reflection fading away into nothing. The darkness tried to grab him as he went, but he just flicked it away.

Stepping closer to Luke, they followed him, walking as fast as they could. The darkness prodded at her, touched her softly. She did her best to push it away, but after a while her feet started to feel heavy. Leia wanted to sit, she was done fighting now, she wanted to rest. Slowly she started to sink down on to the ground until a strong arm lifted her up, steading her. Vader.

“No Leia, you must walk” Confused she touched his breast panel, it was shiny. Leaning into him, another tendril made a grab for her, promising her release, freedom from pain. But she had no strength now to push it away, in fact she didn’t want to. Vader touched it then, letting it grab hold of him, to keep it from her.

 Some of her sanity started to return to her as he did. Shaking her head, she moved away from him, frowning as she looked up at his mask. She still felt fatigued, but somehow no longer drained. What had he done?

“Are you both alright?” Luke asked. He was looking strained as well, probably using all his strength to keep that thing at bay.

She nodded “I am ok” Before looking anxiously over at Vader, he still appeared strong. But wasn’t that why people wore mask, to hide things? Who knows what he was really feeling.

“Liar” a voice whispered softly from the dark, and she could see Vader stiffen, before he shook it off. “We must go”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of part one of this chapter, more to come. But I am off on holiday soon, so not sure when. But I am still writing. ;)


	26. Liar

 

Huddled together they walked further into the dark. Images where everywhere now, flashing in and out. Most were vague, weak, but all aimed at Vader. He did not as much as glance at them, but kept on walking, head bent low. Several black tendrils undulated around him, ever so often curling around his tall frame.

Leia could feel her strength returning with every step, like awakening from a haze. The knowledge that Vader was the one shielding her, both absurd, and somehow it was as it should be, as it always should have been. Frowning, she hurried after him, she missed Han. At the moment he was the only thing in her life that made any sense, the rest was just too confusing.

She bumped into Luke, who gave her a tight smile, just as the sound of laughter echoed across the chamber, startling her. The darkness separated again, and a small figure walked out, Ahsoka.  She was younger with a spring in her step, but it was definitely her.

Following closely, a laughing Anakin moved forward reaching one hand out to grab Ahsoka by one shoulder, smiling down at her proudly. “Hold on there, snippy” he laughed, blue eyes dancing in amusement.  Ahsoka grinned back, so at ease in his company.

Neither noticed the shadow materializing just behind them. It happened so quickly. In a flash of red, the tip of a saber suddenly protruded from Ahsoka’s chest. Anakin looking on horrified, as she fell limply down to the ground.

Slowly the shadow took on a familiar shape, but as he spun around to face them, Leia could see his mask was cracked down the middle, exposing one golden eye.

“That never happened” Vader said fiercely, taking one step forward, it was the first time he had spoken, since he had let that thing touch him.

“But it would have, given half the chance. You know this” his illusion said, casually putting the saber away at his belt.

Vader shook his head in denial. “No, I never wanted this. Never.”

The other raised one eyebrow. “Now who is a liar? You chose this, you chose me” it hissed. Vader bent his head down low, uttering no more protests, before he spun around and walked away.

Leia stood there for a while, staring at the apparition, one half man, the other machine. Both parts ruthless. But just behind, kneeling at Ahsoka’s head, the forlorn shade of a man, looked on helplessly, too weak to stop the monster.

Luke grabbed her by the shoulder, and she let him lead her away. There was no sound now, except the crushing of bone beneath their feet, and Vader’s respirator. Until another pair of boots added to the mix.

Another Anakin ran headlong past them, his cloak flowing out behind him. A cloak just like the one she had. The dark separated around him, and he ran straight into a spacious chamber. Where two men were fighting, red blade clashing with purple. Until the jedi came out victorious, Palpatine quivering at his feet. She nearly hissed beneath her breath at the sight, hatred filling her veins.

 It felt false the entire thing, Palpatine had always played games. This time he played for her father’s soul. She saw Anakin hesitate, then act, and for the very first time sink to his knees in front of Palpatine, sealing his dark faith.

From beneath Vader’s mask she had always expected unwavering loyalty to the emperor, but at that moment he did not look happy, like a man greedy for power. Instead he looked desperate, broken. Then he named his price, their mother’s life, by now it did not come as a surprise.

Luke looked on heartbroken, and it that moment she shared his pain, for what they had lost. Not just their mother, and each other. But for the first time she allowed herself to grieve for their father too.

Leia wanted to scream at him to stop, not to do this. But it was too late, far too late. Time and space separated her from him. Right now she didn’t know what was worse. Watching her father fall, or knowing how close he had come not to. Had he stayed steadfast in this moment, how different would their lives have been?

But it was done, and could never be undone. Anakin had sold his soul for love, and only love could redeem it, her brothers love.

 Looking over at Luke’s stricken face, she saw him with new eyes. In a galaxy that teaches you that compassion is a weakness, he had been braver than most. Holding on to his. Even when everyone around him told him not to, including her, and in the end his faith had proven true. 

She swallowed a lump in her throat, never in her wildest imagination has she thought this could possibly have been the origin of one of the most hated men in the galaxy. A man that also happened to be her father.

Moving away from the vision, she stepped closer to Vader, who stood at the edge of the vison, still as a statue. This was a close as she could get to her father now, and she hoped her presence would help him. “Come let’s go” she said softly, and he cast one last glance down at the young man at his feet, before he turned and followed her. 

Until then, the vison had remained little more than a memory, not once acknowledging any of them. But as they started to walk away, Anakin turned his head staring straight at Vader. “Liar” he spat, his blue eyes filled with venom.

Vader stopped, shoulders hunching forward. But before he had a chance to turn back, Luke reached out pulling him forward “Come father” he said, and slowly Vader walked a head, increasing his pace.

He was still holding on, but this vision had been a lot a stronger than the other ones. They were running out of time. She realised now, he was deliberately feeding the entity, to keep it from them. To keep it from her.

“Luke” she grabbed him by the arm. Even he was looking pale now, a worried frown on his face. “Can’t we kill it or something? He can’t take much more of this” she whispered, indicating Vader, even someone as strong as he, would eventually go mad in this place. They had to find a way out soon, before it was too late.

Luke shook his head” I don’t know how to kill something without shape or form. Our best bet is to keep walking. There should be a door on the other side, at least according to the map”

Frustrated she let go, for all their combined power, here they were, helpless. At the mercy of who knows what. By now she was starting to feel more angry than tired.

Pushing a head, the space around them gradually turned red. The air felt thick and warm, smelling of sulphur. In stark contrast to the previous chill.  

A hooded figure stood alone in the red haze, volcanic fire erupting all around. Lifting its hands, it lowered the hood, exposing Anakin’s face. But Leia knew immediately something was wrong. The eyes were ice cold, his expression one of such loathing and hatred it was tangible.

“Liar” he snarled at Vader, who stopped dead at the words. Before he started to back away from the apparition, shaking his head.  “No, not this. Anything but this” he said weakly.

The figure moved slightly to the side, and just behind him standing there all alone, was Padme. She looked frightened, one hand protectively cradling her swollen stomach. Cradling her and Luke.

“No” Vader said again, now moving forward into the vision, instead of away. Leia tried to call to him but he could no longer hear.

Anakin ignored Vader’s protest and turned away, focusing his hateful eyes on Padme instead

 “Liar” he screamed, lifting one gloved hand, clenching his fist. Padme’s eyes went wide, grasping at her throat, calling desperately for her husband. But Leia knew then, that in that moment he was no longer there.  

Putting a hand to her stomach, she felt sick, appalled, angry, but most of all disgusted, as she watched her pregnant mother fall to the ground, another victim of Vader’s fury.

“No!”  Running forward Vader fell to his knees next to Padme’s lifeless form, his despair evident. He lifted his hand as if to touch her face, the darkness surrounding him, feeding on him. Leia knew if he touched her, he would be lost.

At the very moment he started to falter, the dark greedily reached out to touch her again. Its cold grip made her cry out loud, robbing her of breath. But this time Vader heard her call. His mask tilted to Padme’s swollen stomach, before swiftly turning to her, letting his arm drop.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I have to keep them safe. It is what you would have wanted.”  He whispered, staggering slowly to his feet, casting one last look at his wife, before hurrying to Leia’s side. The darkness receded at his approach, releasing her from its grip. Relieved she gasped for breath, air filling her lungs as the tendrils let go.

She looked at up at the expressionless mask, but she did not need to see him then, she felt his touch, pushing the dark away. He had returned only to protect her. Leia blinked, here was a man so incredibly powerful. But in the end, he only truly found his strength when he protected others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update since it has been so long. I had intended to finish the visions with this chapter, but I haven't. Sometimes posting things gives me inspiration, and I need some right now:) The rest should come quite soon though.


	27. Anakin

“And what happens if we get to the other side and the door doesn’t open, or worse there isn’t one?” Leia asked Vader, lifting her light to scout a head, but there was no end in sight. Only the vague outline of something white in the distance.

“Then I will make one” he replied clenching one fist, his cloak brushing up against her arm. It had not escaped her notice, that he chose to remain close to her. Yet, somehow she felt no need to push him away. Leia had no doubt he would find a way out of here. Though right now, his mannerism was a little too similar to the Vader she remembered for her liking.

“It should not be far now” he added, increasing his pace, giving them no choice but to follow.

An ear piercing scream of pain cut through the chamber, echoing off the walls. It sounded oddly familiar. It was not until she saw the white form writhing around on the ground ahead, she realised it was herself. She stopped, feeling Vader bump into her. Him standing behind her like that, felt too similar too her nightmares.

You know that, don’t you? she thought bitterly, as he quickly backed away.   

Another black form loomed over her agonized reflection, before it leaned down, pulling her head up, by her hair.

“Tell me where the plans are” Vader said flatly, his gloved hand tugging harder, craning her double’s neck uncomfortably.

“Never” she heard herself say, before glaring at Vader in defiance.

“Very well” he said, dropping her. Summoning the small droid floating in the air at his side, with a flick of his wrist.

Leia shuddered just at the memory, the pain had been intolerable. Sheer stubbornness alone had kept her from giving in.

“I do wonder” vision Vader said, straightening to look directly at them “What bothers you the most about this? That you didn’t know she–” He kicked her squirming form at his feet. “Was your flesh and blood. Or that even if you did, you probably wouldn’t have stopped?”

“Be gone creature” Vader replied lifting his hand. To her surprise, it was not the other Vader he sent flying into the dark, but her image. Lifted of the ground, and tossed away like she was trash. The vision hissing as it went.

Until then she hadn’t even known he could interact with it like that, and it hurt a bit that he had chosen to throw her away like that. But that was just silly, wasn’t it?

“You can’t vanquish me” a hoarse voice whispered, Anakin rematerializing in front of them, removing his cloak, dropping it at his feet. “I am inside your head, and I will have you all” he said, smiling darkly.

“Well that’s doesn’t sound too good, does it?” Luke said, eyeing Anakin warily. She noticed Luke was holding his unlit lightsaber in his hand, but what good would that do?

“No, it doesn’t, but that thing is not as invulnerable as it thinks” Vader said, ushering them past, Anakin’s yellow eyes following them as they went.

“We shall see who will have who in the end” he told it, grabbing a dark tendril in his fist, crushing it. The blackness escaped in between his fingers, reforming into a new dark wisp as it went, before it changed into the shape of a cheerful young man.

“Anakin, where are you?”  the man asked, running a hand through his red beard, before stopping just in front of Anakin.

“Ben” Luke whispered sadly, as the chamber around them yet again turned red.

” Ah, there you are.  I thought I lost you there for a moment” Obi Wan said, his smiling fading as he lit his lightsaber. “Brother” he added, narrowing his eyes, before dismembering Anakin with a swift movement.

Leg less Anakin fell to the ground, sinking slowly down towards the lava below. “You call this love?”  he snarled, raising his head to look accusingly at Obi Wan, who shook his head and walked away, vanishing into the dark. 

Anakin’s features shifted, reassembling into Luke as he started to burn.

“Father please” Luke screamed, stretching his prosthetic hand desperately towards Vader, the air around them smelling like charred flesh.

Feeling sick, Leia almost pinched her nose, to avoid the stench reaching her nostrils. To reassure herself she moved closer to Luke, relieved to see he was alright, if not a bit pale.

Vader moved and the image shimmered reforming again, medical equipment littering the background, Anakin lying on a metal slab.

By now there was nothing left, nothing but a charred out stump. He screamed and screamed, waving his prosthetic hand erratically about, clearly insane with the pain.

Doctor Kian had mentioned the injuries Vader had sustained were severe, and with a disapproving frown declared what had been done to him as torture, not healing.  But she had not known, she had not understood just how bad it really was.

There was no mercy here, no time to mend or tend to the burns. No they carved him up, added parts and put him together like he was not human. Like he was a machine and could not feel a thing. But he was human, she knew that now.

Leia squeezed her eyes shut when she could not bear to look at it anymore. Unfortunately, it did nothing to drown out the screams.

Abruptly they stopped, and Leia opened her eyes again at the familiar hiss of a respirator. And there he was, the final product. Her fathers tortured shell complete, and she felt like she wanted to cry. Even though she knew his own actions had lead to this point, no one deserved this. No one.

Vader, the real Vader could be seen at the edge of the room, just outside of the vision. His mask looking over at his own image, his own pain. Just then the vison spoke.

“Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she alright” As he uttered his first words beneath the mask, Leia did cry, reaching out for Luke, clasping his hand in hers for reassurance. After all of it, after all that pain his very first words had been of their mother.

Leia barely registered Palpatine’s poisonous reply, only looking up as Vader broke his restraints. At the moment of his heartbroken scream of denial, metal crumpling in on itself like it was little more than paper, she caught the real Vader looking at them.

By the time he broke off and left, she was sobbing. Luke holding onto her hand as tightly as she held onto his, and together they walked away, following their father away from his broken remains.

For so many years she had thought Vader a machine, devoid of compassion incapable of love. Even lately, with evidence to the contrary staring her right in the face, a part of her had not been able to truly believe otherwise.

Luke’s words claiming that their father had saved him, had sounded absurd to her ears. But he had. Somewhere beneath it all, a tiny flicker of Anakin’s soul had heard his son’s desperate plea, and with a last burst of life had broken through the darkness. An act of selflessness replacing and act of selfishness, finally freeing the tortured man beneath.

It took her a very long time to let go of Luke’s hand, her eyes stuck to the back of Vader’s cloak. No, not Vader, she corrected herself.  Anakin.

* * *

 

The door was barely visible in the distance, and as they hurried towards it, white mist crawled forward from the roof, and walls. Disrupting their sight. Leia felt cold dread creep up her back, as it surrounded them.

Out of the mist she came, her blue dress shimmering as she walked. Shining with a light she seemed to bring with her. Her dark curly hair flowed freely around her shoulder, carefully decorated with white flowers and ribbons. No holo could do her justice, she was breath-taking, ethereal. Pale bare feet peaked out from beneath her dress, as she walked towards them on the cold stone floor.

Just outside Leia’s light she stopped, raising her head to stare accusingly at Anakin, on pale white hand spread across her flat stomach.  “Ani?”

Anakin stiffened, before he made one last desperate attempt to escape, skirting just outside the vison. Taking long strides, he rushed towards the door. His large hands searching for the release. Luke ran forward doing the same on the other side. Leia shone her light to help them, while trying to avoid looking at the vision of their mother.

“Come back” Padme cried out, a devastated expression on her face. “Don’t leave me here alone”

Anakin’s hands stopped their roaming, and he leaned his head on the door. Banging the helmet against the stone. Once, twice, before he stopped, his respirator hitching.

Then he turned around to face what Leia realise was his worst nightmare. He had walked past it all, the pain the suffering, the mountain of regret. But at the sound of their mother’s voice he seemed to crumble.

“Was it worth it?” Padme asked softly.

“No power was ever worth loosing you” he said quietly, taking a step closer. Padme smiled, holding her hand out.

“Then stay with me, my love” she said softly, becoming more and more corporeal as Anakin started to feed the vision. “Let your pain be over, let it end.”

Anakin moved forward another step, towering over Padme’s petite form, and ever so gently he reached one gloved hand up to stroke her cheek, she smiled sweetly up at him. But her eyes had a cold hard look about them.

Worried, Leia made a move towards him, but he halted her approach by a wave of his other hand. Confused she stopped, staring over at Luke who looked equally baffled, but he made no move to intervene.

“A sight so dear to my heart” Anakin said then, tucking a curl behind Padme’s ear, “But forever tainted by guilt and regret.  However, I am accustomed to torment.  I have afflicted enough on myself through the years, not to mention on others. I am also well versed in deceivers.” He said softly, leaning closer.

“Your power is illusions, visions designed to torment. Your weakness, is that for every vision you drain yourself, until there is nothing left.” Red flashed in Padme’s eyes, her soft smile fading into something cruel. Anakin paid it no heed.

“I have given you just enough to keep your interest, but not enough for you to defeat me” He let his hand fall from her cheek down to her neck. “You hide within your own illusions. Behind the visage you think I am the least likely to destroy” He grabbed her around the neck. Looking suddenly fearful she struggled, full of fury, the skin cracking exposing the foul creature beneath. It hissed at Anakin, exposing a row of sharp teeth

“You are right, I do want it to end, and I might even have let you take me” His free hand moved down to his belt, grabbing his lightsaber “But I will not let you take my children” He took a step back, and swinging his saber, he decapitated the creature in one blow, quickly letting go of the remains.

A tremor went through the ground as it started to shake. Anakin spun on his heels, lifting his hand again the double doors swung open.  The chamber collapsing behind them as they ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about this, I truly am, poor poor Anakin:( Good news is that they are out of there, and I promise its not all doom and gloom in this story.  
> Up next Anakin takes a well deserved nap.


	28. Remember

Anakin staggered out of the chamber. He felt worn, all the way down to the last remaining scraps of his soul. When he was satisfied they were at a safe distance away from the collapsed chamber, he sank down onto the ground, too exhausted to move.

“Are you alright?” he heard Leia speak, but his head felt fuzzy, and he could not quite make out the words. Leaning his head against the stone wall behind him, he swallowed hard. His mouth tasting like blood. He realised he must have bit his lip, at the sight of _her_.

Anakin closed his eyes for a moment, she had looked so real. If he had truly been able touch anyone anymore, he was sure her skin would have felt warm beneath his fingertips. But she had not really been there, it had all been an illusion. Yet, it hurt. So much so, it felt like he had been burned anew, then left behind raw and exposed.

“Anakin?” Leia tried again, and at the sound of his name, he managed to lift his head to look at her. “No” he said honestly, he wasn’t alright. The truth was, he would never be alright again.

Leia looked a bit dishevelled, but otherwise unharmed, her brown eyes gazing sadly down at him. Anakin knew she had been crying. How many of the tears she had shed in her life, was he responsible for?

“Are you?” he asked her, when he was finally able to breathe. The things they had seen in there, he had never wanted them to see. In fact, he had spent almost two decades trying to forget all of it himself.

It had made him feel like he was torturing her all over again, as they relived her pain and then his. Considering most of her anguish, was a direct result of his actions. Could he have stopped Alderaan’s destruction? Probably. But the ugly truth was he had simply not cared too, and for that millions of people, entire families, were now gone. Including Leia’s very own. Now she had witnessed him destroying her family not once, but twice.

Anakin bit his lip again, drawing more blood. The pain a reminder he was not dead, and this was not some sort of eternal punishment. He had forced her to watch the death of those who had done what he had not, cared for her, loved her. He sent an inner thank you to Bail, followed closely by a silent forgive me. Those last few words he would never utter out loud. There was no forgiveness for what he had done, he thought. Hating himself.

Yet here Leia stood, offering him the one gift he had never asked for. One he knew he did not deserve. His name.

“I don’t know what I am anymore” she replied quietly. He knew that feeling, all too well. Not only did he not know what he was, he no longer knew who he was.

“Luke” he called, looking anxiously around for that familiar blond head. He felt someone nudge his shoulder, as Luke dropped down beside him. Clearly exhausted, but safe. Anakin felt a strange urge to hug the boy.

He could not remember the last time he had actually wanted to do anything like that. But he refrained, not quite certain how well that would have been received. Instead he settled for having Luke’s comforting presence, brushing up against his shoulder. It was likely a deliberate act, a gentle show of support.

Anakin swallowed uncomfortably at the gesture. This was no boy. Luke was more a man then he had ever been. Brave, kind and forgiving. So much like _her._

Towards the end, he had almost managed to bury her deep enough to forget. But only almost, and from the first moment he heard the name Luke Skywalker, she had somehow emerged from the shadows. From the very deep recesses of his mind. Sometimes he could have sworn she had called out to him. Softly whispering his name. But within a heartbeat she was gone, and he was yet again left behind in the dark. Alone.

No, not alone, not anymore. Padme had left him with a gift. One so precious, it had made him choose to remember. Even if hurt so much he could barely breathe.

“What was that thing?” Luke asked, brows furrowed, absently fiddling with his comlink.

“I don’t quite know” Anakin replied wearily. What he did know, was that it had been powerful, and very old. But most of all hungry. It had not been hard to draw its attention, and he got a distinct feeling he had been its ultimate prize all along. The desperate people above likely no more than pawns to bring him here. He sensed another hand in this as well. Someone who wanted him dead, that wanted Luke dead. However, right now he had no strength to dwell on his suspicions.

Closing his eyes again, he rested for a moment. That’s when he felt it, the weak spindly thread binding him to his old apprentice tightened, tugging at him. Ahsoka, she was close. His eyes flew open, and he was on his feet in a heartbeat, any thought of rest forgotten. Something was wrong.

“Father, what is it” Luke said, getting to his feet, eyes alert,

“Ahsoka” he replied, pointing toward a tunnel a head, “She is that way, I am sure of it.” With renewed strength he headed forward. She was still alive he could feel it, and this time he would not turn away from her.

* * *

 

The twins followed him closely, Luke trying repeatedly to reach Artoo through his comlink. When the sound of beeping finally came in reply, Luke smiled triumphantly.

Anakin smiled softly at sight of his son. He had never known a feeling like this before. A mix of pride, joy, and awe. Not to mention a great deal of worry. Was this what being a father felt like? The closest feeling to this he had known from before, was the one he had felt for Ahsoka. That thought wiped the smile away, he had tried to kill her. Like he had done everyone else.

Anakin kept on walking, not wanting to look at either twin for a while. Right now his guilt was to close to the surface.

Determined he continued on. What he needed now, was to find Ahsoka. To know she was alive and well. Not dead, not like in the vision. That sight had burned itself onto his retina, making him feel sick. Even now. 

“Artoo where are you” Luke exclaimed, stopping for a moment. There was a high pitched screech, and a stream of frightened beeps coming from Luke’s comlink.

At the distressed reply Anakin started to run. He did not need directions to guide him, he just followed his senses, cutting through corridors as fast as he could, until he could hear Artoo’s screeching close by. Anakin spun around the last corner, and there Artoo was, jabbing his arm frantically at some of the local wildlife.

Greedy claws were trying to shred the droid, and the familiar looking white haired man standing next to him. Anakin supposed to many, the clones had all looked alike. But to him they had all been different, and he would know this man anywhere.

Quickly he lit his lightsaber, Luke and Leia doing the same at his back. For a moment they all fought together, two blue blades and one green. It was a strange sort of feeling, and echo of what might have been. But it was over in a moment, as they made short process of the creatures.

Like everything else in this place, the beasts were corrupted by the dark side, so much so it stank. Anakin stepped over a corpse, moving slowly until he stood in front of Rex, who had levelled his blaster at him.

It hurt to be met by everyone he had once known, at the edge of a weapon. But Anakin knew, he was the one that had aimed his weapon at them first. This was little more than what he deserved. Nevertheless, he put his saber away, trying to appear as harmless as possible. Which was hard considering what he looked like.

Rex tightened his grip on the blaster, giving no ground as he sheltered the still form, Anakin could see behind his feet. Anakin’s heart had speed up during his run, and the following fight. But at the sight of Ahsoka lying there unmoving, it almost stopped. She was partly covered in rubble, and he could only hope he was not too late.

Carefully he lifted his hand towards the helmet, hoping Rex would not shoot. He could not do this without his eyes. His own eyes.

Leia came running up next to him breathing heavily. Having anticipated his next move, the breather was already in her hand. Gratefully he accepted, quickly putting it on. Then he turned his scarred face to Rex, and as expected Rex flinched at the sight.

“Rex” he said quietly. Looking down at the man that had been his second in command, during those turbulent years during the war. A man he would even have called a friend.

“So it’s true” Rex said. Measuring him up, a disapproving frown on his face. Worse of all was the disappointment Anakin could see in his eyes.  Rex shook his head, and whispered “I did not want to believe it. Not you”

Anakin bent his head, whishing he could deny it. That it wasn’t true. But it was, all of it, and he had no words, nothing he could do or say could ever make amends. The truth was ugly. He was ugly, and unfortunately the truth was all he had.

He gave a small nod, before he looked up, noticing Rex was bleeding badly from a gash in his arm. But Rex was still very much a soldier, and would not tend to his wound until the enemy was vanquished. In this instance Anakin feared very much, that he still thought that enemy was him.

“Ahsoka” Anakin said meekly, trying to move towards her, but Rex stopped him. “No you don’t”

He did not try to push past, though he easily could have. “Please, I mean no harm” he said instead, and Rex’s eyes softened just a fraction, though he did not move away.

“It’s ok Rex” Ahsoka said weakly, trying to lift her head. Relied flooded Anakin at the sound of her voice, and when he made a move forward again, Rex did not try to stop him.

Carefully he sat down near her shoulder, most of her lower body was buried beneath the debris, and he could tell she was weakening.

“Ahsoka” he said softly, as he gently touched her shoulder, she gave only a weak nod in reply. Clearly talking was difficult. 

“I tried to move some of it, but it was too heavy, and then those scavengers attacked” Rex said then. He still looked suspiciously at Anakin. But made no protest as Leia started to bandage his arm. “Is anyone else left alive?” she asked, and Rex shook his head in reply.

“I fear they all got buried when the celling first came down, we just about managed to escape. Later we were looking for a way out. But just now there was another collapse, and Ahsoka got buried. Threw me out of the way first though” Rex said looking both ashamed and proud at the same time.

That sounded like Ahsoka, Anakin thought with a smile. She had always been brave.

“Can you feel your legs?” he asked her, inspecting the biggest boulder at her feet, he could only hope she had not been crushed beneath its weight.

“Yes master” she said, eyes unfocused.

“I haven’t been you master for years, Ahsoka” he said gently, getting worried she might be delirious. Ahsoka closed her eyes and made no reply. Terror pulsed through his blood, she could not die. Not now.

“Stay with me snips, do you hear me” he said, shaking her frantically.

Ahsoka finally opened her eyes with a small smile. Lifting her hand, she rested it on top of his, where it lay on her shoulder.  

“You stuck with me skyguy, remember?” she said softly, giving his metal hand a squeeze. He turned it around so he could squeeze hers back.

“How could I ever forget” he said with a sad smile. However, he had forgotten, hadn’t he? He had chosen hate, and buried all the joy behind. But he would do so no more. For now, he remembered all of it, not just the guilt and regret. But also the happiness. He gave her a genuine smile this time, along with another squeeze.

“Time for us to get you out of there snips” he said reassuringly.

“This entire place is unstable” Luke said as he walked over to study the fallen rocks. “We can move them, but it might create another collapse”

“We will take that chance” Leia said after finishing up with Rex. “We can’t leave her like this”

“You should” Ahsoka told Leia, before turning to him. “You have your family to take care of now”

He shook his head at her, “That’s exactly what I am doing, and believe me I am not going anywhere.”

Ahsoka looked like she might cry at his words, reluctantly he let her go for the moment. So he could bring up the map.

“There is a large ventilation shaft nearby, it should get us to the surface. I want you all to go there,” he told the twins and Rex.  All of them stared back at him rather stubbornly.

“We are not leaving you” Luke said, to Anakin’s surprise Leia nodded in agreement.

He sighed, feeling oddly touched. “It just around the corner. I only ask that you wait for us there, I will free Ahsoka and follow. Should the worst happen, we won’t all get buried.”

Reluctantly they all agreed, and he sat there waiting until he thought they were far enough away. Only then did he dare lift the rocks. Luckily nothing else happened.

After a quick inspection of Ahsoka, he satisfied himself that there was no obvious damage. A good sign, though he needed to get her to a doctor quickly. Carefully he reached down and picked her up.

“You are not seriously carrying me right now” Ahsoka said, clearly she was already feeling better

“Hey, don’t knock it, I have been carrying a lot of people lately, including a wookie.”

“Now that I would have liked to see” Ahsoka said laughing, until she clutched a hand to her side. “Ouch don’t make me laugh right now”

“I’ll try” he said with a smile, surprised by the fact he could make anyone laugh these days. Carefully he headed into the corridor, doing his best not to rattle Ahsoka to much. More then ready to leave this place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I though it best to use Anakin when we found Ahsoka so here he is:)  
> Luke would so hug him back, but Anakin is still a bit lost.


	29. Escape

Leia’s eyes kept wandering back to the empty corridor they had just arrived from, not certain what she was waiting for. Him? Surely not.

Confused she shook her head, she was just cold and tired, this place was getting to her that was all. Luke came over to stand next to her, giving her an odd look.

“What?” she asked defensively, folding her arms across her chest. “You are not going to make me say it are you?”

“Say what?” he asked, looking genuinely puzzled.

“That you were right and I was wrong. About him I mean” she said, waving a hand in the direction of the dark passage. There was still no sign of them.  

“Oh” Luke said gently, when he caught her meaning. His eyes softening, as he gave her a small smile. “It’s not a competition Leia”

“I know that” she snapped, before shaking her head again. This was not Luke’s fault. “It just–“ she let both her hands fall back down. “It’s just that. Oh, I don’t know anymore” she said frustrated. She could never forgive Vader, Anakin. Or however he was. Forgiveness would feel too much like betrayal of her own, yet still. Nothing was like she had imagined it to be. None of it.

Luke turned away from her, closing his eyes. He was searching for their father, somehow she knew that.  Apparently satisfied, he swung his head back to face her. “It’s alright Leia” he said softly, “To feel all these things. Finding compassion for him, does not invalidate your grief for your people, you know.”

Did she know that? Leia sighed “Doesn’t it? They would certainly not forgive me for it” she said dryly, pointing her hand up towards the shaft, its winding staircase spiraling up to the surface.  Up there, reality waited. Her new life, not as Bail Organa’s daughter, but as Darth Vader’s. For no matter what she had seen down here. That how she would be perceived by, well by almost everyone.

“It’s not about them though, is it? It’s about you, about us, and where we came from, and it’s not from evil”

“I know that now” she replied, and she did. At first their mother’s name had brought her comfort, healing some of the sting received from the revelation of their parentage. Now, there was a part of her ready to accept her father as well. A very tiny part.

Artoo came rolling past, taking up vigil just in front of them. Lighting up the corridor with his small lantern. Their little family heirloom in a way, loyal to the very end.

“They will be just fine” Rex spoke suddenly, appearing at her left, she had almost forgotten about the clone. “I have seen them getting out of worse scrapes, believe me, Don’t you worry”

Worry? She wasn’t worried, was she? “We should really get going soon” she said, squinting as she looked up the stairs. They were cut into the rock face, looking wet and slippery,

Luke smiled knowingly, “I think we would all like to leave, I for one would like a decent meal and a proper bed”

Rex smiled “Me too, the accommodations here were rather dismal, and that’s coming from a trooper” Chagrinned he stopped himself” Not that your father was not a great general, he always made sure we were well rested and fed “he added as an afterthought.

“You knew him well then” Leia found herself asking.

“I thought I did.” He said solemnly, following the direction of Artoo’s light. “We clones weren’t created for self-determination, but to obey. Serving with Anakin helped change that, for me at least. I would never have wanted, to be forced to turn on him. “Rex pointed to a scar on his head, “So me and a few others decided not to”

“Did you know?” Luke asked. Rex hesitated, looking uncomfortable “There were some rumours, from other clones. About the attack on the temple. That he was the one that led the charge. I refused to believe any of it.  In fact, I still struggle too”

“But is true, all of it” Leia whispered, as much to herself, as to him. Rex nodded sadly “I know”

Artoo beeped, drawing their attention as Anakin stepped into the light. He was carrying Ahsoka, quietly murmuring something to her.

“I am sure you can put me down now” Ahsoka said smiling, but Anakin shook his head. “You won’t make it up the stairs on that leg” He walked over at them, Artoo following closely behind. “Everyone alright?” he asked, studying them all in turn. Before his gentle gaze landed on her, she held it before giving him a slight nod.

“Good. Let’s leave this place.” he said, for a moment looking anguished. Within that chamber of pain, Leia had not been able to see his face, she hadn’t needed to. For a moment his pain had become hers, binding them together by more than blood, and he had suffered it all for her.

“Yes please” she said, knowing that whatever awaited out there for her, for him it would be a lot worse. If he was brave enough to face it, so was she.

* * *

 

The staircase was indeed slippery Leia quickly discovered, trying her best to hug the wall as they started their slow climb. Having no desire to almost fall to her death a second time.  Anakin made up the rear with Ahsoka. Luke and Rex helping Artoo, while she took the lead.

Several other passages opened onto the stairs. Most had collapsed a long time ago, others looked like it had happened more recently. Leia increased her pace, her legs aching from the strain. It was only matter a time before the entire place caved in, and she had no wish to be here when it did. As if echoing her thoughts, a tremor shook trough the rock.

“Well this is not good” she heard Luke mutter, and she forced herself to move faster. The air was a bit fresher, by the time the next one hit. This one much more violent, closely followed by another.

“This whole place is coming down” she shouted down at Luke, moving closer to the rock face, feeling it tremble beneath her hands. She heard someone yell for her to run, so she did. Scrambling up the stairs as quickly as she could, trying not to slip on the wet surface.

Rocks were pouring out from some of the tunnel mouths now, crashing onto the staircase. One almost hit her, but she managed to dodge it just in time. Further up she heard a loud crash, a large boulder rolling rapidly towards them. Quickly she hid inside an open passage, the others following. The light from Artoo’s thruster momentarily blinded her, as he flew past landing by her feet with a nervous shriek.

Anakin ran past, depositing Ahsoka by Rex. As soon as the tremors stopped, he peered back into the staircase.  “It’s gone” he said solemnly, turning to look down the passage. It was blocked on the other side. They would not be getting out that way.

Ahsoka coughed, she was not doing as well as she pretended to, leaning heavily on Rex. “Are you alright” Luke asked concerned, receiving only a weak nod in return.

Frowning Leia turned back to Anakin, but he was gone. She walked back out into the shaft, somehow knowing she would find him there.

The stair was gone, and the shaft itself had collapsed in some places, but for now at least the tremors had stopped. Lifting her head, she could see stars far overhead, they had almost made it.

Anakin was resting his hand on the rock wall, head bent towards their distant lights. “Once I wanted nothing more than to explore them, to do good. Now look at me” he said quietly to himself.

“I am” she said stepping closer. He straightened, letting go of the wall. “So you are. You have seen it all haven’t you. Most of it bad”

“True, but not all of it” she replied, giving him sad smile. He returned the gesture, taking a step towards her. “I would never have been able to offer you all good. But I would have done better than this, I have to believe that” he said pensively, indicating himself and their dismal surroundings.

Leia tilted her head, contemplating him for a moment. “I think I do” she replied. Surprising herself, as much as him with her words.

Anakin’s eyes widened in shock, but Luke appeared by his shoulder before he had a chance to reply.

“Ahsoka is not doing well” he whispered, “We should really hurry”

“Off course” Anakin said, breaking eye contact, suddenly all business. “Help me lift her Luke, I don’t think a leap would do her good” Together they headed back in, Ahsoka was lying limply on the ground, Rex by her side.

“Rex” Anakin said, and the old clone snapped to attention. “Yes, sir”

“Artoo will carry you to the surface. From there contact help.”

Rex nodded, and hurried off. Carefully Anakin picked Ahsoka up, by now she was unconscious. Slowly and with utmost care, Luke and Anakin started levitating her towards the surface. Leia stood there, unable to help. Untrained and useless, a feeling she did not like.

Ahsoka was almost at the top when another tremor hit, so violent Luke fell to his knees, his concentration wavering for a moment. Ahsoka dropped down a few meters before, she flew up and landed precariously on the edge.

“Jump” Anakin told Luke looking pained, one arm lifted high. “I will give you a boost”

Luke nodded, and leapt vanish from sight. Before reappearing to pull Ahsoka to safety. He was about to jump back down, when the entire shaft shook, rocks falling all around them. The ground beneath her dissolved, and she started to fall.

Frantic she grabbed for the rock wall, but her hand slipped on the wet surface. Anakin was there in an instant pulling her to safety.  Her relief at feeling ground beneath her feet was short lived however, as she was flung violently into the air. The last thing she saw before the shaft collapsed in on itself was Anakin falling, swallowed by the deep. Using his last strength to get her to safety.

Luke caught her, lowering her gently to the ground. His eyes searching desperately for Anakin. But by now there was nothing but rocks where the shaft had once been. Groggily Ahsoka opened her eyes. Noticing their forlorn expressions, they started to fill with tears.

“I told him not to do anything stupid” she said weakly.

“It wasn’t stupid, not this time” Leia said, taking her hand. Surprised to feel her own cheeks turn wet. They sat there holding hands for a very long time, until the Millennium Falcon appeared on the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I have been feeling very stuck with this story at the moment. The good news is that the next chapter is almost done as well.


	30. Father

Leia stared out over the clearing, using her hands to cover her ears. The sound from the large drill was deafening. Rock dust flying everywhere as it carved out another hole in the rocky surface, all around the shaft. It was not the first one they had dug. Nor the last, she thought gloomily.

Someone gently grabbed her arm. Startled she turned around, and could see Kian standing there mumbling something.

“What?” she shouted, removing her hands. But the noise from the machinery, made it impossible to make out the words. Kian tried again, but she shook her head, leading him away towards the Falcon. Parked safely at a distance away.

“You should get some rest your highness” he said, when they were far enough away from the racket.

“Not yet” she replied, brushing of some of the dust “How is Ahsoka?”

“She has a broken leg, and some other minor injuries. But she will be just fine.” He inspected her disheveled form. Leia knew she looked an absolute mess, but she just didn’t care. “Right now it’s not her I worry about however” he added.

“I am fine” she replied, giving him a tight smile.

“It’s been over a day. Without knowing where to start digging, this could take forever” he added, pointing back across the clearing. Leia could see Artoo moving slowly around among the drills, scanning for life. The little droid had lit his lantern again. Leia blinked, was it dark already?

She looked up, noticing a myriad of stars blinking back at her. So it was. Suppressing a yawn, she turned back to Kian. “I know. But we can’t leave him down there. Luke is adamant he is alive.”

Kian gave her a compassionate look. “Even if he is. You can’t find him, if your dead on your feet. I will notify you if anything changes”

This time she was unable to stop herself from yawning. Kian took it as confirmation gently nudging her up the ramp.

Reluctantly she walked inside, five minutes could not hurt. Han was already there, giving her a tired greeting as she entered “Any luck?” he asked.

“No” she said, shaking her head. “Luke is still out there, but the sensors are not picking up any signs of life.”

Han made no comment to her use of the name, just got to his feet to give her a warm hug. Asking no uncomfortable questions. Grateful Leia let him hold her for a while.

“If we only knew where to start digging, then perhaps we could find him.” she told his shirt.

Han moved back a step, resting a hand on each of her shoulders. “He might already be dead, and perhaps that’s the most merciful fate, considering” he said carefully.

“He is not” she said, shaking him off. Knowing very well he was right, it was probably for the best if he was. For all of them. But she couldn’t leave him there in the dark to die alone. Digging her hand into her pocket, she removed the tracker. The one she had used to find him on Naboo. It made no sound, showed no signs of life. Annoyed she tapped it on the wall. Perhaps it was broken.

Han reached a hand out stopping her “I doubt that will help.” Frustrated she stopped, looking up at his face. Noticing he looked as disheveled and messy as she did.

“You have dust in your hair” she said absently, lifting a hand to ruffle the dark strands. Several sections of the underground maze had collapsed at the same time. Only luck had prevented Han from being buried too. But thankfully he was safe.

“Off you go” he said gently, giving her a push in the direction of the crew quarters. “Even royalty needs to nap”

“Alright, alright” she replied, giving in. “But if anything happens wake me!”

“Off course, I know better than to cross you. “he said, with a wink and a last gentle push. He could never stay serious for long could he, she though affectionately as she walked into the compartment.

Removing her jacket, she took one last look at the tracker again. But it was as dead, as dead as the last ten times she had looked at it. Frustrated she put in down, her eyes drawn to the box of Anakin’s things, Threepio must have packed it. Leia made a note of thinking she should give Ahsoka her beads, when this was all over. If it ever was.

The brown cloak rested on the very top. Carefully she took it out, letting her fingers trace the fabric, like she had done once before. Exhausted she sat down on the bed. When she first had discovered who it had belonged to, she had wanted to throw it into the lake. To wash it away. But now, as she leaned back on the bed, she pulled it closer.

Absently she covered herself with it, her small form drowning in the much to big garment. With a yawn she lay down on the bed. Her entire body ached, desperately needing rest. Her mind however was in turmoil.  It was hopeless they had searched for hours, and still have the majority of the search grid left. Searching it all would take days, but she knew by then it would be too late. The tight feeling in her chest felt suspiciously like worry

For a brief moment she used the force again, searching for him. Perhaps she would be able to pinpoint his general location. Find him, like she had once found Luke. But no, there was nothing. Leia closed her eyes, she would rest. Only for a little while, then she would go back out there.

* * *

 

The room around her darkened and changed. Blinking Leia found herself staring at Tarkin, reliving Alderaan's last moments over again. Vader’s mechanical breathing was hissing in her ears.  Just like all the times before, when it was done Tarkin started to fade away, and Leia could feel the familiar pressure of Vader’s fingers around her throat. But this time after he issued his ultimatum, she did not struggle. Lifting her hand, because it really was hers this time, she touched the fingers at her throat gently squeezing them. Surprised to find them warm to the touch. Grabbing hold of his wrist, she twisted around to face him. To her surprise found herself standing face to face, with the familiar face of a young man.

"Anakin" she whispered, looking up in to his kind face, her fingers still holding is arm. He was tall, but not overly so, not gigantic like Vader.

He raised his eyebrows, looking down at her in surprise "Leia?" he asked, sounding confused.

Not letting go of his arm, she nodded. "Is it really you?"

Anakin blinked. "Yes" he said, before looking down at himself frowning "At least I think so"

"Are you dead?" she asked, unconsciously tightening her grip. Not quite ready to let go.

Weakly he shook his head "Unconscious I think. The last thing I remember is that it was dark" Leia let out a breath in relief, surprised by the strength of the feeling.

Then he narrowed his eyes, as he took in their surroundings. Glancing past her, he could see the remains of Alderaan floating in space, and a pained expression crossed his face

"Oh Leia" he said sadly "This is your nightmare isn't it, this is what keeps you up at night"

Letting go of his arm, she followed his gaze towards the viewport. Taking a deep breath, she moved across the floor until she reached it, pressing her palm to the glass. It felt cold to the touch. They were all gone, nothing could ever bring them back.

"Yes, but I think it's time I let them go" she said quietly. She could see pieces of Alderaan floating in the space between her fingers. Just dust. Nothing but dust.

Slowly he followed, coming up to stand beside her. Leia could see his reflection in the glass. Hesitating he raised his hand, letting it hover just above her shoulder. Before he lowered it down, giving her a light squeeze. Unlike Vader’s cold hard grip, this felt warm and comforting.

"I am so sorry" he said softly, bending his head.

She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the view.

"I can't forgive you for this, it just isn't possible. " she told him, shaking her head. The hand on her shoulder let go. For a moment she grieved the loss.

"I know" he replied sadly. "Neither can I "

Opening her eyes, she turned to face him. It was strange to look at him like this. Whole, unmarred. Whereas the young man in the holo recording had had a playful, sometimes wild look in his eyes. The man standing before her now, looked patient and wise. But with the kind of wisdom only achieved after a painful experience.  Or many.

"The man that died down there will always be my father." she told him.

Anakin looked down at his feet, looking defeated "I know that, I threw you away, and I can never have you back"

When she looked at him now, it was hard to see a monster. All she could see was a man that made a mistake he could not undo. A very big mistake mind you, but if this was the last time he ever saw him, she did not want to part like this.

So she moved a bit closer to him "But I might be able to find a small part in my heart for you as well."

His head snapped up, and he searched her eyes. She saw a glimmer of hope there, the emotions so raw and laid bare, it hurt to look at. So instead she moved across the last distance between them and put her arms around him. For a moment he just stood there, stiff and unyielding. How long had it been since anyone had hugged him? Then he enveloped her in his arms, making her feel safe and warm. Like a child cradled by her father after a bad nightmare, and in a way she was. But in her case her father had been her nightmare, and only now was he what he always should have been, her comfort.

Closing her eyes, she leaned in to him, silently saying a goodbye to all those she had lost. To grief was healthy, to hold on was not. She understood that now. When she finally opened her eyes and moved away from him, they were no longer aboard the death star, but in her mother’s garden. Its trees and flowers now in full bloom, the sun warm on the horizon.

Feeling unburdened for the first time in what like felt like forever, she smiled up at him. He returned her smile, evidence of tears staining his cheeks. So he did cry after all.

"Tell Luke I am sorry. For everything. He saved me when I thought there was nothing left to save, and because of him I got to know you both, if only for a little while. " he said softly, reaching out and giving her arm another warm squeeze.

Leia frowned, he was saying goodbye. Because this is what this was, and she did not want it to be. She might be ready to let go of those she already had lost. However, that did not mean she wanted to lose anyone else. Not now. 

As he turned towards the sun high in the sky, he made a move as if to walk away. Up the small grass hill towards the house, just visible in the background. At that moment a terrible unease spread through her body. She knew with certainty if she let him walk up that hill, something terrible would happen.

Before her eyes, a golden red beam emerged. Crossing across space, destroying all in its wake. In front of it, the face of a young man. One who looked familiar, but she knew she had never seen before. The image disappeared, but the cold dread in her stomach did not.

"No wait" she said, taking a step towards him.

He turned back to face her, mistaking the reason for the stricken expression on her face,

"It's probably for the best Leia" he said with a sad smile.

"You have to stay" she told him.

"I think I am done here now" he replied, gazing longingly back towards the house. A small breeze moved through the threes, gently caressing his face, making his hair flutter. He smiled then, a smile that did not compete with the shadows. But was complete, carefree. Not even the young man from the holo had smiled like that. When his eyes focused on hers, they sparkled in the sunlight.

She moved closer "No you don’t understand! You have to stay" she said more firmly. Leia did not know why, but she was certain of it. More certain than she had ever been of anything.

The conviction in her voice made him hesitate, taking one small step towards her frowning.

"Father please. I am asking you to" she was pleading now. Not unaware of what she was asking of him. To come back would probably mean a lifetime of imprisonment. Not to mention being trapped in that suit. Only now looking at him like this did she understand the gravity of his loss.

His eyes widened for a moment, and he gave her a slight nod. Before he turned his face away from her, towards the house one final time.  Closing his eyes, he leaned into the breeze as if listening. "Alright, alright I am going" he said, laughing to the wind. Then he walked down towards her. Away from the sun and its promised freedom, simply because she had asked him to.

When he was standing just in front of her, the gentle breeze touched her cheek softly, and she swore she heard it whisper her name. The presence was one she had not felt in years, but there was no mistaking it. Her mother was there. She had always been there. Leia had to blink away her tears. Then the wind nudged her again, but this time urgently as if to tell her to hurry.

"I will hold on as long as I can Leia" Anakin said more seriously "But if I don’t make it, please tell Luke I am sorry"

Reaching out again she could finally see, she could feel him now, just the way she could feel Luke. Smiling she looked up at him again “You can tell him yourself, because I just found you" With that she pulled out of her dream, and into the real world. Jumping to her feet before she had even opened her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so mean I know;)  
> Yes she said it, but I dont think it something she will continue to do. It just felt right in that moment.  
> In this story I have given Leia a very strong ability to locate people she is connected with, more so then her brother.


	31. Buried

“Padme” he whispered as the dream faded, the beautiful colours of her garden vanishing, leaving him behind, feeling bereft. His body ached, and he wanted nothing more than to go back to her. For it all to be over. But he could not deny their daughter, the only thing she had ever asked of him.

So taking a ragged breath, he forced himself to open his eyes.

It was dark all around him, but he did not need his eyes to tell him he was buried. Carefully lifting his arm, he pressed one of the buttons on his chest plate. It eased his breathing somewhat, but he knew he didn’t have long.

Coughing, he leaned his head back down, listening to the faint drumming sound vibrating through the rock. He was starting to feel cold, but the warm remnants of Leia’s hug still lingered. No one ever hugged him, not since Padme. He had forgotten what it felt like, he had needed to. Remembering had been too painful.

Leia had not forgiven him he knew that, and he would not have wanted that anyway. It had felt more like acceptance, and for Leia’s sake he was glad she was able to let go. Yoda was right about one thing at least; your past could ruin your future if you let it. Luckily his daughter was turning out to be a lot wiser than him.

Thinking of Leia, brought back the memory of her lost expression. Something had frightened her, and for once it had not been him. Sitting up slightly, he pushed against the rock with the force, trying to dislodge his legs. It gave a little, letting him pull back to his knees. Before it collapsed crushing his feet. Dizzy he leaned back down again taking a deep breath, but it came out more like a wheeze.

Feeling slightly sick he rested his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, there was a faint blue glow at his left side. Slowly turning his head, he spotted a familiar bearded face.

“Now you show up?” he said dryly, managing to push himself up a bit. “Could have needed some help a bit earlier.”

Obi Wan sat with his legs crossed, leaning on a rock. “It’s hard to manifest in places strong with the dark side of the force. But now that you have dealt with problem. Here I am,” He replied, running a hand through his beard, he looked a lot younger than last time they had met. “You’re in trouble again, I see.”

“I can’t call you old man, when you look like that,” Anakin said with a cough, feeling around for his lightsaber. The hammering sound was moving closer, his determined daughter searching for him no doubt.

Obi Wan’s eyes sparkled, and he became even younger, the beard vanishing. Anakin had to admit he liked seeing some of Obi Wan’s old spark. It had been so long. His rage had not let him admit to himself how much he had missed their friendship.

“Please, at least put the beard back on, I am getting flashbacks. “

Obi Wan chuckled the beard reappearing. “You killed me, you suffer your own personal ghost.”

“Don’t remind me” he said, looking over at his old master. The words stung, and they looked at each other for a moment. No matter how much he willed it, the past could not be undone, or forgotten.

“They are digging for you,” Obi Wan said, clearing his throat.

“I know, but if I stay right here it will fall on my head,” he replied, touching another button on the panel before turning the saber on. With one stroke, he cut his legs off below the knees. They were of no help to him now. Slowly he started pulling himself backwards by his arms, his lungs burning from the strain.

He noticed Obi Wan flinch at the sight, and he stopped his crawl. “This is not your fault,” he said carefully, indicating himself with one hand. And it really wasn’t, his own foolishness and pride had led to this path.

Obi Wan looked away, speaking quietly. “I should never have let you near him. I should have known. His interest in you was suspicious from the start. And it was my job to protect you!”

Anakin didn’t quite know what to say, having spent half of his life hating this man. The large part of the other, the best part, loving him.

“You can’t protect someone from themselves,” he said quietly, hating himself for trusting the wrong man. For being a fool. Obi Wan had been his closest friend, his brother.

Obi Wan sighed, leaning back. Looking old and worn again, even though his face was still young. “There is blame to share Anakin, this is not all yours to bear alone.”

“I don’t want absolution Obi Wan, I just wanted him to live. For them both to live,” he replied with a cough, dragging himself a bit further back. The space behind him seemed relatively open, he would be safer there.

Obi Wan tilted his head to look at him, “You really love them,” he said quietly. “I would never have thought it possible. Though I see you there, I can still hardly believe it.”

Unable to breathe properly he fell back down again, his mind feeling hazy. Love, he thought he had forgotten the meaning of the word. He was pretty sure you were not supposed to hurt those you love. Not like he had done. “I do. I really do,” he replied quietly, feeling himself start to loose consciousness. Why had it taken him so long to see that?

“Anakin,” Obi Wan said urgently, moving closer to his face. “Hold on, they are close now.”

“Obi Wan,” he asked. His throat felt dry, and his chest tight.

“Yes Anakin,” he replied, his blue light shimmering all around him. For a moment he wished he was dead to.

“What was he like? Luke I mean, when he was little?”

Obi Wan looked thoughtful. “I some ways he reminded me of you. He had his head in the stars, and loved to fly even then,” he said with a fond smile. Before he shrugged pulling back a little. “But I didn’t see him much, his uncle would not allow it.”

“Why not?”

“He thought it would encourage him, like I had done you,” he said sadly. Anakin wanted to say something but it was hard to talk, so Obi Wan continued on. “Luke was very different from his uncle you see. Part of the reason he always longed for his father I think. Someone maybe more like himself.”

Longing, the thought of Luke out there somewhere longing for him hurt to think about. He remembered clearly the horror on Luke’s face when he had revealed himself. The father he had found, had turned to be someone completely different. Someone not worth longing for.

Anakin turned his head towards the light. “Why not keep him, raise him yourself?” He had always wondered, why train him so late, it had been unwise to leave him so defenceless. He could have killed Luke several times over, if he had wished to.

Obi Wan looked uncomfortable. “He needed a father, a family. Not me. What kind of father would I have been?” he asked, looking intently down at him. Anakin saw pain there, regret, and love. He did not know which hurt the most. Pained he looked away. “A better one than me.”

“I am not so sure about that,” Obi Wan whispered quietly. Surprised he turned back to him again, the rapid movement almost making him faint.

“You can’t seriously mean that?”

“I can and I do. You know better the love of a parent then I ever did. I think you would have done just fine,” he said, the rest of the sentence left unspoken. If he hadn’t turned that was.

 Regret was a constant, but he tried not to let himself dwell on the what if. Back then fear had detracted from the joy of a child. So much so the child itself had become an abstract. Something not quite real. Only after seeing Luke for the first time had it truly hit him, that he had a son. Padme’s son. Their son. The added revelation of a daughter, another shock.

“Luke and Leia,” he said weakly, licking his dry lips. “Did you name them?” The sound of falling rock in the distance,almost drowned out his words, but Obi Wan seemed to hear him anyway. 

Obi Wan shook his head, resting a ghostly hand on his shoulder. He felt nothing, but it comforted all the same somehow. “Padme did.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, the familiar pain of her loss returning. But along with it came the sound of her gentle voice, it had spoken of love and forgiveness. Not of hate or regret. She had always been too good for him. Much of that goodness she had given to their children. Luke especially was his mother’s son, he thought as Obi Wan’s light started to dim.

“Anakin, wake up,” Obi Wan said sharply.

“Huh?” He forced his eyes open again, as he felt someone shake him. A dusty blond head coming into view.

“Father,” Luke said, giving him another shake.

“Come to save me again have you Luke?” he said weakly. The boy never gave up did he.

“Always,” Luke replied, smiling down at him. Why did he do that Anakin wondered, after all he had done. Managing to lift his hand he grabbed a hold of Luke’s mechanical one, with his last strength he squeezed it. “I am sorry.”

“I know,” Luke replied, returning the gesture. Anakin heard other voice then, Leia approaching on the left. And he thought he heard the doctor as well.

“You were right Leia, he is here.” Luke said, not letting go of his hand. “But he is in pretty bad shape. We have to hurry.”

“You know what to do Kian,” Leia said, as the doctor leaned down by his head, replacing his broken breather. “If you are certain Leia, but if we get caught, there will be trouble. You know that.”

“Just do it,” Leia replied.

The last words Anakin heard before he lost consciousness, was Obi Wan telling him to remember his lightsaber. He had used to find that annoying, now it just made him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little update.  
> Leia is the one that finds him, but Luke gets there first because he jumps down. The rest need a ladder. To clear any confusion to that:)


	32. Embers

Leia stared down at her father’s face, he was sleeping peacefully, a medical droid monitoring his vitals. It reminded Leia of the first time she had ever seen his face. Then she had been surprised at how human he looked. Now she had a hard time picturing him as anything else. Her new feelings for her birth father were still confusing. Forgiving him would feel too much like a betrayal of her own, yet hating him now, was no longer possible. She could only hope in the end what she had done, turned out to be the right thing.

Looking away from Anakin she turned Luke. He was snoring softly, having fallen as sleep in his chair by Anakin’s bed. Gently she shook him awake. “Luke, will you come with me for a moment?”

Yawning he got to his feet. “Sure, but what about father?”

“I will watch him,” Doctor Kian said, entering the room. They were aboard his ship. It was no medical facility but it would do for now. Until they figured out where it was safe to take him.

They walked quietly past the door to the crew quarters. Both Ahsoka and Rex were asleep. Leia had briefly entertained the thought of waking them, but Ahsoka was still recuperating. So, she refrained.

All the alliance solider were gone, along with the prisoners, she had seen to that. Only the Falcon and Kian’s ship remained, making the moon feel very lonely. But safe from onlookers.

“Where are we going?” Luke asked as she led him towards a small forest clearing she had found. Though all the trees were long dead.

“I just need to do this,” she replied, not quite sure why. But it felt right.

Chewie was busy dragging the last bare tree trunk into the pyre, as she had requested. He growled in greeting at their approach. Han just gave her a small smile. He hadn’t said much about her strange suggestion. Just nodded and hugged her. Perhaps he understood, what she didn’t.

“Ah, I see,” Luke said, realising what she was up to, when he spotted Vader’s mask within the pyre. They had found it among the rubble, long before they found Anakin himself. Together they walked over, and she lit the kindling. The dry wood caught fire in an instant, forcing them to take a step back.

The flames started to lick up towards the night sky. This place still felt dead, the darkness that had resided in the tunnels below, seemed to have tainted the rocks themselves. Leia was sure it would take a very long time for it to wash away, if ever. Yet right now by the heat of the fire, it could not touch her. For the moment, she felt light, free in a way she could only remember from childhood. A feeling she thought she had forgotten a long time ago. If not for her troubling vison, she would even have called herself happy.

“Is there a particular reason we are having a funeral?” Han asked, nudging her gently with his elbow.

She smiled up at him. “I thought it was a nice night for a bonfire, don’t you think?”

“I think you have a deep dark desire to burn Vader, that’s what I think.” Han replied.

Leia stared back at the pyre, as it engulfed the dark mask within its flames, noticing Luke was doing the same. “Perhaps,” she admitted, linking her arm with his.

 “Well, well aren’t we the dark princess, are we? I still think you would look good I black, but keep the lightsaber at a safe distance.” Han added, rubbing his arm.

Leia rolled her eyes. “It’s symbolism Han. I think Anakin has been burned enough. For a million lifetimes. Vader on the other hand, he deserves the fire,” she said darkly, as one of the eye sockets cracked open. A single flame escaped through, its light eagerly devouring the dark mask. But there was no body beneath to expose. If there had been, she would not have gone anywhere near it. She had smelled enough charred flesh to last a lifetime. The sound of Vader’s screams rang in her ears even now, just the thought made her shudder.  

“What really happened down there Leia?” Han asked, sounding uncharacteristically serious. “Did he hurt you? If he did, I will arrange another funeral for him.  A proper one this time.”

Leia’s eyes locked with Luke’s, but neither spoke. What they had seen down there, was still to raw to speak off. In a way it hurt and healed at the same time.

Breaking their gaze, she stared back across the flames. Closing her eyes, she let their warmth caress her. “Do I look hurt Han?” she asked, opening them again so she could look at him. His hair looked darker in this light, it reminded her of something.

“No,” he admitted, studying her intently. “In fact you seem more relaxed than I have ever seen you.”

She rested her ahead against his shoulder. In a way, she was. In others, she still worried a great deal. There had been no time to tell him of her uneasiness, but she would. She would not keep things from him again.  “Perhaps, because I realised something.”

“And that is?”

“Sometimes you have to go back before you can move forward.”

“Now you’re sounding a lot like Luke,” Han replied teasingly. She just tucked him closer, he joked about of all of it, it was his way of dealing with things. But he had not judged them, not for a moment, and to her that meant the world.

“Is sounding like me such a bad thing?” Luke asked with a smile.

“Depends, I swear the Falcon has lightsaber marks, and now there is two of you.” Han shook his head, before ruffling his hair. “Or two and half,” he whispered so only she could hear. Leia elbowed him hard in the ribs. “Ouch!” he laughed, trying to jump out of reach, but she held on to him tightly.

“Hey, that only happened once, “Luke replied with a laugh. “Besides, I’d say it was an improvement.”

“Your twins alright,” Han added, casting her a meaningful look, before stepping away. Reluctantly she let him go, for some reason she could not name, right now she did not want to.

“I am headed for the Falcon, join me when your done whatever it is that you are really doing here,” he said, looking over at the flames with a frown, before leaning down and kissing her briefly.

She followed him with her eyes as he walked away, then disappearing into the shadows, Chewie at his heels. The sight made her heart lurch, it felt almost like loss. Was the dark of this place pressing upon her again, or was this something else?

“Are you alright?” Luke asked, noticing her worried expression. “It’s not just about father, is it?”

“No, not this time,” she replied, as they moved closer to the fire. Vader’s mask was almost consumed by the flames now. Han wasn’t wrong, she had needed to burn him, to end this chapter once and for all. As much as she could, anyhow.

She held her hands out to the fire, but not to close, she had no desire to be consumed as well. Luke remained silent, waiting for her to speak.

“I saw something Luke, something bad,” she said quietly. “In the vison I shared with Anakin, there was another one. One that won’t let me rest.” Her earlier euphoria was gone now, and she was starting to feel cold. The heat from the flames were not warm enough to keep the feeling at bay any longer.

“You had a vision within a vision?” Luke asked, sounding impressed. “You never do things half way, do you?”

“I really wish I did this time, I don’t like this. Not at all.” The vision was fuzzy now, what she remembered the most, was the dread it had left behind. After all they had been through, could the suffering not finally be over? As they stood bent towards the flames, she told Luke what little she did recall.

“Visions are dangerous, they helped ruin our family once, they could do so again. We have to be careful,” he said thoughtfully after a while, and she turned to face him.

“You had a vision about me and Han on Bespin. Knowing what you know now, would you not have acted anyway?” she asked, and Luke lifted his hand to study it. He never said much about his injury, but she knew it had hurt a great deal, in more ways than one. Luke had carried the heavy burden of their parentage for a long time, but longer no would he carry it alone.

“Yoda told me not to go, that I wasn’t ready, and he was right, I wasn’t ready for the truth. Yet I would do so again. Even with this,” he replied, relaxing his hand, before giving her a sad smile. “It could have ended a lot worse Leia. It did for our father.”

“He turned to the dark side. I didn’t have quite something so drastic in mind Luke,” she replied dryly.

“And neither did he to start with, “Luke replied quietly, gazing into the flames. “I think we should wait until he wakes up, and see what he thinks about all of this.”

She nodded, this close she could hear the flames crackling as they destroyed what was left of Darth Vader. The red colour of the flames stirred her memory, bringing back the image of the man from her vision. Who was he? What was he? As often was the way of things, when something fell, something else would try to rise in its place. All the fighting had left little time to think about what would happen if they won.  Now that they had, there was a long way ahead still. Leia would not let all they had worked and suffered for be destroyed. Not by anyone.

“Your vision is the reason for the deception, isn’t it?” Luke asked carefully, breaking her from her thoughts.

“Yes,” she replied, feeling uncomfortable. “What choice was there? They would have locked him up for good. Not to mention many powerful people would have pushed for the death penalty, they might even have gotten it. What were we supposed to do?” she asked defensively, pulling hard at a lock of hair that had escaped its braid. It still felt dusty.

“You don’t need to convince me Leia,” Luke replied, and she let her hand drop. Perhaps she didn’t, but she certainly needed to convince herself. The look on Luke’s face told her he understood her predicament. She had told Arune Vader would be punished, and here she was keeping him from justice. What did that make her?

“For what it’s worth I am with you all the way,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders.

“I know, but if the truth gets out, we go down together as well,” she replied earnestly. Though she was glad for the comfort. “To the galaxy Darth Vader is dead. If they find out he is not, and we are the once hiding him,” she added, pointing to the flames. “What little good renown we may still have will be gone, and a few whispers here and there would be the least of our problems.”

“But Vader is dead, “Luke protested.

“That not how the rest of the galaxy will see it, as you well know,” she added.  Luke may have saved their father from the dark side, but nothing could change what he had done. What he had been. The truth was he did deserve to die. Yet his death would not bring anyone back. But perhaps his life could help prevent it from happening again. She would never forgive herself if she didn’t try, even if it made her a liar.

Luke sighed, but said nothing more. Together they stood like that, until the pyre was little more than embers, the last remnants of the mask shrivelled up and cracked. Before they turned to walk away Leia stepped forward. Not caring about the heat, she crushed it beneath her boot until only ashes remained. Vader would never rise again, and if she could help it no one else would ever take his place. Not while she was still breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think some of you might have guessed this was coming:)


	33. Awake

Wincing Anakin lifted his leg over the side of the bed, his new foot hitting the decking with a clunk. Carefully he wiggled it, checking the joint. He felt tired and his body still ached, but if there was anything he was accustomed to, it was pain. 

“How is it?” Kian asked, coming over to inspect his patient.

“With a few adjustments, it should be perfect,” he replied. So far he had only connected one leg. But he was getting more than ready to leave this bed. Although Luke insisted he remain. He permitted himself a small smile thinking of his son. He had to admit, it was rather nice to be cared for. No one had cared for Vader, but then again he had cared for no one either. No one, and nothing. Except the empire.

“Good,” the doctor replied, checking the panel by his bed again. “Your vitals are good. The suit should be able to keep you alive by itself now.”

Anakin looked down at himself, together they had made certain modifications to the suit. Perhaps some of them made him more vulnerable, but he did not care. No longer would he hide beneath a mask. It was a cold and lonely place, and he knew if he went back there, he would surely die.

“Thank you,” he said, and meaning it. The doctor had treated him with nothing but respect, which was odd considering. He stared up at the man in confusion.

“Was there not a moment, you were tempted to kill me? You could have done so easily,” he asked. He did not understand it. If anyone had cause him as much pain as he had caused, he would have killed them all. But that was not him anymore, he reminded himself. And it really wasn’t, he wished to harm no one. Never again. Yet, it was hard to throw away two decades worth of that kind of mindset.

Kian stopped what he was doing to study Anakin face. His white bushy eyebrows drawing together in a frown. “I don’t think there are many people in this galaxy, that haven’t plotted your murder one time or another,” he replied, honestly.

Anakin sighed. “I can’t blame them.” It was not that he regretted remaining for Leia and Luke’s sake. Yet there was a selfish part of him that wished they had just left him buried. He could not help but fear his continued existence would cause them pain. After all, it was all he knew. How to cause pain.

Kian sank down in the chair by Anakin’s bed, his usual cheerful countenance fading, exposing the weary old man beneath it. It was a sight Anakin knew all to well.  

“I was away when it happened, obviously,” Kian said quietly, looking down at his hands. They had started to tremble slightly.

He did not need to say any more, they both knew what he was talking about. There was no filthier stain on Anakin’s soul than Alderaan. Except one.

He felt suddenly ashamed at Kian’s kindness towards him. The life of individuals mattered little to the sith. It had mattered nothing to him. But now, he could feel Kian’s pain reverberating through the force. He did not look away from it, the time for that was gone. He had helped cause it, no longer would he run from it.

“I never had children of my own, it just never happened.” Kian continued. When he finally lifted his head to look at Anakin, he was smiling slightly. “But I have been Leia’s doctor since Bail brought her back to Alderaan. Just a tiny little bundle. All finger and toes,” he chuckled then, staring past Anakin, and into some distant memory. “She could be a tiny terror at times, but I could not love her anymore, then if she was mine.”

Anakin felt pain again, but this time it was his own. All his sins aside, there was nothing he regretted more, than not being able to watch them grow. To hold them when they were little. To protect them, as a father should. Instead he was this. He looked down at himself again, he was not wearing gloves or boots. All his machinery exposed. But his heart, it was very much real, and it ached more than any other part of him.

When he met Kian’s eyes again, they were hard an unflinching, any trace of a smile gone. “Had she died down there, I would have killed you.”

Anakin inclined his head in acknowledgment.” Fair enough.” He deserved to die a million times over, for what he had done. Not that he would want to live had he cause Leia’s death either. Her and Luke made breathing bearable. For them he would endure.

Kian nodded, the steely gaze dissipating, the old friendly doctor back again. Anakin was glad Leia had so many that loved her so fiercely. Loved her, like he had not.

Kian got to his feet, hesitating before speaking again. “She is a part of you. Without you, she would not be here, and for that I am grateful. I only wish the cost had not been so high.”

“So do I,” he replied, unable to hold Kian’s gaze as an image of Padme rubbing her belly gently appeared in his mind.  She had been so happy, and so had he. “Yet, I will never regret that part. It’s the only thing I don’t regret,” he said, and it was true. Padme, Leia, Luke. The only good part of him. The only part that had mattered, the one he had forgotten. Until Luke had appeared, his unwavering faith in Anakin, chipping away at his armor, until it cracked.

Kian studied him again, seeming to make his mind up about something. Then he turned away, walking to set off shelves on the far side of the room. After digging through a box, he returned, handing Anakin a small holoprojector.  Confused he accepted, turning it on.

And there she was. Just a little girl, a thick braid draped across one shoulder. With large dark eye. Her mother’s eyes.

“Leia,” he whispered, feeling a lump form in his throat. So, little, so precious.

“I don’t want to daddy,” she said with a pout, staring at someone outside the image. At Bail, the man that had been her father. It stung to hear her speak those words, to know her childhood had belonged to some else. Someone good.

He wanted to look away, but her face kept him mesmerized.  Would she have called him that, he wondered? Bail murmured something softly to her, and Leia seemingly relented, turning to smile at the holo recorder. But it came out more like a grimace, and Anakin chuckled in spite of himself.

“That was Leia alright, “Kian said, a smile in his voice. Anakin had almost forgotten he was standing there.

“Thank you for this, thank you for everything, “he said, clearing his throat. It had been a kind gesture, and he was glad to have seen her like this. But she was not little anymore, that part was forever lost to him. This innocent little girl had not known, that one day her father would torture her. He stared at her smile one last time. No matter how broken he had been, had he not fallen, he would have loved her with every fiber of his being. In fact, he did. It was just way too late. He turned it off, handing it to Kian. There was no going back.

Kian nodded, putting the projector down on the bed beside Anakin’s thigh.  “Come let’s fix you,” he said, giving Anakin a small wrench instead, before going to retrieve the second prosthetic.

“I only wish that you could, “he said softly to Kian’s back, but not loud enough for him to hear. Because they both knew, there was no fixing him. Not truly. Sometimes there were things no one could fix.

Kian quickly returned with the leg. To avoid the pain, Anakin focused his concentration on attaching it. Working on machinery had always used to calm him. It had been an escape from his turbulent mind. As Vader, he had pretty much stopped, wanting no reminder of the man he had used to be.

When he had almost finished, he heard someone approaching. He looked up, wondering if Luke was back. But to his surprise, Rex walked into the room.  

“Ah, Rex. How is your arm?” Kian asked, with a smile.

“Well thank you, “Rex replied, shooting Anakin a hard look. So far Rex had been avoiding him. Which was not hard, since Anakin had not left this room since he awoke.

“I was hoping you could help, “Kian said, indicating Anakin with a hand.

“Off course, sir,” Rex replied as dutiful as ever.

“Thank you Rex. Can you please help Anakin stand? He is not quite recovered yet.” Rex hesitated only briefly, before coming over to stand by the bed.

Carefully Anakin got to his feet, leaning on Rex, before he took a step. Perhaps the doctor was not being overly cautious after all, he thought. As his head started spinning at the movement.

Also, being shorted than he had used to, was a strange sensation. He was still taller than Rex, but now it was easier to look at someone, instead of looking down at someone. Which was all he had done as Vader.

Uncertain on what to say, he stared over at his old friend.

“Don’t,” Rex said, before he had even opened his mouth. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Anakin looked away, he knew Rex was angry, disappointed, and he had every reason to be. Suddenly Rex wrenched away from him, and Anakin almost toppled over. One of his toes was unbalanced, he would have to fix that, he thought in a daze.  

Rex turned to face him, anger flashing in his eyes. “No, I have changed my mind, “he said, “I want to know how you could do this.” He pointed down at Anakin’s suit in disgust, though Anakin looked little like Vader anymore. Now he looked like what he really was, what he had always been. Just the broken remains of a foolish man.  

Anakin hesitated, he knew I don’t know was not a good enough answer. Back then his anger at the jedi had felt so righteous, his fear of losing Padme clouding everything. But he knew he should have known better. He had seen other jedi fall, had seen how the dark side had corrupted them. He had been arrogant enough to think he would be different. That he could have it all, and in the end, it had cost him everything.

“I just lost myself,” he said quietly, he had no words to express his guilt, his shame.

Rex took a step closer, staring him right in the eyes, pointing a hand at Anakin’s chest. “Not good enough.”

“I know,” he replied. But he had nothing else to offer.

Rex shook his head. “No you don’t know,” he snapped, “You sent me with Ahsoka. You. Had I not removed my chip,” he pointed at a small scar on his head.  “I might have been responsible for killing her. Me.” Rex pointed at himself this time, visibly upset. “Did you think about that?”

Anakin shook his head, but remained quite under the barrage, knowing it was all true.

“I wonder,” Rex continued on, “If I had stayed with you. Would have made me walk up the Temple steps with you? Made me part of the slaughter? Because unlike you, we clones were never given a choice. But you did. You had the freedom to choose, and you threw it away. And the rest of us with it.” With those last words, Rex turned and left.

“No,” Anakin said weakly, to no one. “I was thinking only of myself. “Stunned he sank back on the bed, his legs unable to hold him any longer. Anakin had not thought of that at all. He had forgotten about them. Rex, Cody, Fives, all of them. As the years passed, the clones had been faced out of the military. But by that time, he had started to treat them like everyone else did. Like tools.


	34. On the Mend

The silence of the room was deafening, as soon as Leia finished speaking. Every single person seated around the large table were looking up at her. Some in confusion, others in outright hostility.

She forced herself to remain standing, on hand on the table to steady herself. No way, would she be cowed by them. She was not responsible for Vader’s crimes. That was all on him, shared blood, or no.

A short man with a greying moustache leaned forward, folding his hands on the table. Leia did not recognize him. But then again, the rebellion had swelled in size now that they had defeated the emperor.  Convenient to join when victory was already assured, she thought bitterly. The worst part, was that these newcomers saw themselves justified to judge _her._ She who had been part of this rebellion from the moment she was first able. She who had lost everything, given everything to get here.

“And you saw the body yourself?” he asked, and there was no mistaking the hostility in his dark eyes.

She held them unflinching. “As I have already stated more than once, and I am getting tired of repeating myself. So, let me make myself clear, Darth Vader is no more.” At least that part was sort of true, she took comfort in that.

He narrowed his eyes. “So, you have just said, and I have read your report. The only witnesses however, are your friends, yourself, and your brother. The latter two, who just happen to be Darth Vader’s children. Convenient don’t you think?”

Her temper flared, and she stared him down. “No, I do not think so. Finding out that Darth Vader was my birth father was anything but convenient,” she said tightly. “And if you have something to say to me, speak plainly. I am no mood for games.”

“Very well,” he replied, gesturing around the room. “I like many others here, question your impartiality in this. How do we know you can be trusted? “As he spoke, a murmur of consent went around the table, and she felt herself stiffen.

“I think that is enough senator Orvwes,” Mon Mothma interjected, before Leia could respond. Mothma was speaking softly, but there was steel in her gaze, as she looked around the table, at each and every person seated there. “If Leia says Vader is dead, I believe her.”

Her words silenced the whispers, and Leia felt touched at the vote of confidence. It also made her feel terrible. Mon Mothma was sympathetic to her current circumstances. But Leia knew even she would not understand what Leia had done, or why. How could she, when Leia wasn’t sure herself?

“There is still the matter of her removing Vader from alliance custody without permission,” Orvwes protested.

“My brother had been kidnapped,” Leia snapped, shooting him an angry glare. “And I had reasons to suspect treason within. Well founded as it turned out. I didn’t know who to trust among the crew, so I acted.”

“So, what you are saying is that, instead of contacting us, you decided to release your father yourself? Witnesses claim you arrived at the moon together, seeming quite amicably with each other in fact, “Orvwes added, looking rather smug. She wanted to throw him out the nearest air lock. How dare he?

“There was no time, “she bit out, gathering herself. “I had to act fast, and Vader saved Luke’s life on Endor. I believed he would be willing to help me find my brother, and so he did. Dying in the process. That is the end of it. The rest you can read in the report, I am done explaining myself to you.”

Orvwes opened his mouth to speak again, but Mon Mothma silenced him with a hand. “Leia is one of our most valued operatives, I trust her, and now I would like a word with her in private. We can discuss this further later.”

Orvwes jaw tightened, but he nodded, and left. The sound of shuffling chairs and the opening and closing of the door indicated the rest had followed. When she was sure they were, all gone, Leia sank down into her chair. Her lie had felt like ashes in her mouth, her act a betrayal of all she had worked for. But her gut told her it was the right thing to do, she could not afford to doubt herself now.

Mon Mothma came over, taking the seat just next to her.

“I will leave politics off course,” she said, before Mon had a chance. She hid it well, but Leia saw the flicker of relief cross her features, it had spared Mothma having to tell her to do it herself. They both knew it was the only choice. Her being the daughter of Darth Vader would only damage their cause. Still it stung.

Mon Mothma said nothing for a while, just stared across the table lost in thought. “Those of us that worked closely with to your mother towards the end, knew she was pregnant, “she said thoughtfully and Leia stared at her in confusion. “You knew her?”   

“Not very well, but yes I knew her. However, there was no mention who the child’s father was. But I knew she and Anakin were close. There was a part of me that always suspected the truth.”

Leia thought of her mother then. The pain and heartbreak she must have felt watching all she had worked for fall apart.  Heavily pregnant and alone. Running towards the one person who should have been there for her. Leia’s father.  Only for him to assault her. To seek safety there, only to be betrayed.  Leia had seen her father’s bottomless regret. Still it disgusted her.

Turning she found Mon Mothma watching her, sympathy in her light blue eyes.

“Yet you said nothing,” Leia said, not able to hold back the slight resentment in her voice. It seemed in the end she had been the very last to know the truth.

“What would it have mattered in the end? It was only a suspicion,” Mothma said, as she lay a hand gently on Leia’s shoulder. “I will tend to matters here, don’t you worry about that. But its perhaps for the best if you keep your distance for a little while. At least until things settle down.”

Leia swallowed her bitterness, she knew Mothma was right, and she tried to remind herself she did what did what she did for the best of the galaxy, not her own personal gain. Or her injured pride, so she nodded. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

She got up, more than ready to leave. To go where she would not be judged. Mothma called out to her when she reached the door, reluctantly she turned back. Mothma was still seated, smiling reassuringly at her.

“You still have friends here Leia, you and your brother both. I have not forgotten all you have done, or the brave work of your father. He would have been so proud of you.”

Leia smiled sadly, thinking of Bail always hurt, and it always would. “I know,” she replied, feeling grateful for the kind words.  “And I will make sure my father’s sacrifice was not in vain.” With this she left, hoping that she was doing just that, and that she hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of her life.

* * *

 

 

Can you hand me my boots?” Anakin asked. Sitting on the chair by his bed, Ahsoka shook her head vehemently at him.

“No. Doctor Kian said you shouldn’t’ be walking so soon.”

“I believe he told you the same thing. Yet here you are,” he replied, giving her a small smile. He did that a lot, even though he knew she saw right through him. But he had to, he did not know what else to do. Or what to say for that matter. Not anymore.

“Have you spoken to Rex again, “she asked, eyeing him carefully, pushing the boots further away from him with her feet.

“No,” he replied. Using the force, he grabbed the boots. Leaving one on the bed, he leaned down to put the other one on. It was a perfect fit. “He is still avoiding me.” Which Anakin did not blame him for. In fact, all this acceptance, sometimes felt worse than any accusations. At least that he understood, he deserved that. Being here with his children, with Ahsoka. That part still made no sense. Though he had not seen Leia since he awoke.

 When he looked over at Ahsoka again, she had snatched his other boot back, and was holding it hostage. “Give it time,” she said, keeping a tight grip on her stolen prize.

“It’s not that simple Ahsoka. Rex said nothing that wasn’t true, or that I didn’t deserve to hear, “he replied. Her face fell, he hated to see it, but there was nothing he could do. He had known it all along. When Luke had come to him willingly, he had briefly been tempted by his sons offer. To leave with him, just to walk away from it all. But he had known down that path lay pain, even with Luke there, and although he had known this would be hard, he hadn’t known just how much.  

Forcing another smile, he held his hand out to her.  “Give it back you little thief,” he added. He wanted to be the Anakin she remembered, but he wasn’t and they both knew it.

“Very well then, “she said, getting to her feet she walked over to him, finally surrendering the boot. “But please take it easy.”

“I will, don’t you worry.” After he put on his second boot, he used his arms to push himself up from the bed. This time when he rose, the world did not spin.  Standing upright, he found himself at eyelevel at Ahsoka. She looked so different from when she was younger, yet somehow still the same to him.

“You are so tall, “he said, feeling slightly stupid as he said it.  She was all grown up, just like his children. And he had missed it all.

“I was tall the last time we met, “she replied, giving him the same uncertain smile in return.

“I know, “He looked away. He had not forgotten their fight, or the hatred he had felt towards her. Towards anything that had reminded him of his old life, of himself.  Hatred had become his lifelong friend. He still felt lost without it. Though he would never want to go back, regardless of the pain. Ahsoka held out his arm to him, hesitating only briefly he took it. “I just couldn’t really see you then, “ he admitted.

“But you see me now, “she said, linking their arms. Letting him lean on her, and he let her lean on him. They were both still uncertain, and more than a little bruised.

He felt her hold him back as he started walking, staring him intently in the eyes.  “And I see you, as you are Anakin,” she said, tightening her grip. “Not as who you were. Not as the jedi, not as the sith. Just you. You don’t have to pretend, not with me.”

He swallowed hard, before clearing his throat. “Thank you, “he said softly, and she smiled at him. When he smiled back, this time it was entirely genuine.

Walking together, they headed for the exit of the ship. The ramp was already lowered, beams of sunlight pouring in.   Stepping outside, the sharp light made him blink, it still hurt his eyes. Yet it was worth any discomfort, simply for all the colours. Squinting he took in the blue sky overhead, and the vivid green of the trees. Before he had rarely taken the mask of, and almost always inside his meditation chamber. As the years passed by, he had gotten so used to seeing the world tinted red, he had almost forgotten how beautiful it could be. Without Padme, to him there had been no beauty.  

He looked around, just ahead of the ship, were several stone buildings, all surrounded by a lush green forest. He did not recognize the place. Yet somewhere near, was a faint presence that seemed vaguely familiar

“Where are we anyway?” he asked suspiciously. He had expected to be back in alliance custody by now. Or at least locked up. But there was no trace of guards. In fact, there was no trace of anyone at all. Although he could sense Luke close by. His son never went fare from his side. He wondered if Luke thought he might disappear.  Did Luke not know by now, he would never abandon him again? Not willingly at least.

“Takodana,” Ahsoka replied rather reluctantly.

He turned his head from the trees towards her in surprise.  “Takodana? Why?”

Ahsoka shrugged non-committedly, just as they spotted Luke. He was practicing with his lightsaber, cutting through the air gracefully. His son was good with a lightsaber, Anakin had to admit. But it was not his skill with the weapon, that made him a great jedi. It was his ability to know when to put it down and walk away. A skill he himself, had mastered way too late.

 “Father, “Luke said, breathing heavily from his exertion, he deactivated the saber. “You are not supposed be walking yet.”

Ahsoka nudged him in the side. “I told him, but he never listens. Never has.”

He smiled at them both, Luke somehow made it easy. “I am perfectly fine, just restless, “ he assured them.

“Me to, “Luke admitted, “It has been a very long time since I have been able to relax.”

Probably not since Bespin if Anakin had to guess. Looking at his son, he tried to think how he would have been had he not fallen. How he would have acted around his son, what he would have taught him. “Your form is good, but your leg work could do with some improving,” he said, Luke face lighting up as he spoke, it had been the right thing to say it seemed.  

Ahsoka let go of his arm, turning on one of her sabers she stepped back illustrating a perfect pose. He didn’t stop her, she seemed to have healed well. Thankfully.

Luke looked up at him, looking very young for a moment “Why don’t you two show me?”

Anakin relented. Using his lightsaber, he turned to face Ahsoka. But when he saw her eyes, he stopped. It was gone in an instance, but he noticed it all the same. The hurt. He knew her thoughts then, knowing they were a mirror of his own. He could not do this.

“Anakin it’s alright,” she said as he deactivated the lightsaber. Taking a step back, he nearly threw the thing away. Hating its weight. He had not been strong enough to carry it before. What made him think he was strong enough now?

“No, it isn’t, “he replied. “I should probably sit down, I am old after all,” he added quickly, when he noticed Luke’s heartbroken expression. “But you two should keep practicing.” He turned to walk away, towards a bench in the shade by the nearest house.

“Anakin, “Ahsoka said softly again, but he kept on walking.  Lucky neither followed. He waved at the them both when he sat down. Luke cast him a last worried glance, but Ahsoka quickly drew him away, and for that Anakin was grateful.

He watched them spar. Luke laughed out loud at something Ahsoka said, probably about him. But he didn’t mind. It was good Luke still could laugh. After all he had put his son through, somehow Luke still retained his kind spirit. “That one is all on you Padme, “he said to the wind, though she might not hear him, he knew she was always with him. For so long her name had only brought him pain. It still did, but now looking at his son it also brought him hope.

There was still no sign of Leia. And although he still worried for her rage, he did so a little less now. She showed an amazing strength and compassion for someone who’s life his actions had ripped apart. He was so proud of her. Of them both. Even though he had no right to be.

Luke laughed again. The sound carried all the way over to him, digging itself into him, lifting his spirits. Pain would always be a constant, yet with Ahsoka near. His children alive and safe. He saw what he had not seen when Luke offered him a way out, that within the pain he still knew joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! This story has been driving me mad, I just haven't been able to write. I am so sorry for the long wait. I think next chapter will probably be the last, at least for now.


	35. A Heart of Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This is not the next chapter of this story. In fact you could say its the prologue in a way. Its a story I wrote over Christmas, about Luke and Vader on the deathstar. It should really be at the beginning, but I am posting this here in case someone wants to read it, and to say I have not forgotten this story I will finish it I promise:)

Vader took his time walking down the stairs, Luke might have chosen to withdraw into the shadows for now, but there was nowhere to hide. This delay, only postponed the inevitable. He could _feel_ the boy’s presence, feel his confusion. His son was close now, tethering just on the edge. One push, just one more and he would falter.

Turning he spoke into the darkness, taunting the boy. It was all too easy to pick up on his son’s emotions, they intensified with every word he uttered. They were frightened, angry, disappointed. He scoffed, vehemently ignoring the last one, he had never asked for the boy’s naive belief in him. Or to be rescued. He tightened his grip on his lightsaber, this was what he was, who he was.

A powerful emotion assaulted his senses, drowning out all others.  It was for someone important to the boy. A strange sensation suddenly jolted through him, and he stopped, licking lips that had suddenly gone dry.

_Another one? How was that even possible?_

He stood there stunned for an instant, but when the shock faded, he felt strangely pleased. So, there was a sister, was there? One Obi Wan had hidden from him all these years. Well, no longer. When this was done, he would have them both.

That thought almost made him smile. This was exactly what he needed. Confident he turned in the direction he thought Luke was hiding in, and spoke again.

But he had no more than uttered his threat, before Luke sprang at him from the darkness, a wild look in his eyes. There was no longer any hesitation in his movements. He was no longer talking. No longer wasting his breath, on talk of conflict. Finally, he understood, there was none. This was the only way. For anything else, it was far too late.  

Luke swung at him, the ferocity of his onslaught catching him by surprise, forcing him to retreat backwards. This he had not expected. It took all his concentration simply to keep the boy at bay. He narrowed his eyes, he didn’t actually want the boy dead. But if it came down to it, so be it.

Yet, even as he reached down into himself, into the furnace within his chest, to draw on his power, on his rage, his legs moved on their own accord. But instead of pushing back as he had expected, they gave way.

Luke’s pressed forward, his face constricted in fury, each blows erratic but efficient. Bit by bit, he was stepping closer to the dark side. Finally bringing out, what he knew had lingered inside his son all along. The darkness. Like Vader had known he would, Luke had brought it out to protect. To protect his friends. His sister.

 _Sister._ The word cut deep inside, as it was slowly replaced by another word, a heavier one. _Daughter_. The unwanted stray thought broke his concentration for a just an instant, but it was enough.

Stepping back, he barely managed to avoid Luke’s next blow. It was only when his back hit the railing next to him, he realised how badly he had miscalculated his son.

Resting his arm against the railing, he lifted his lightsaber in a last attempt to protect himself. But the blows just kept coming, unrelenting and without mercy, as the dark pressed closer, slowly consuming the boy. 

Vader could not help a cry of pain escaping him, as Luke slashed through his arm.  Though the pain through his neural connectors, was nothing compared to the time he had first lost an arm. A time so long ago, when he had been just a boy himself. When he had known nothing, and understood even less.

Yet, as his knees buckled beneath him. Why did it feel, like not only had he lost? But somehow, they both had?

Panting he fell backwards, leaning on the stump. Breathing heavily, he held his remaining hand up in front of him in defeat. Luke was glaring down at him, his blue eyes wide in fury. And no matter how hard he tried to tell himself, this was what he had wanted. The sight of Luke disappearing, fading away into the dark, made his own anger dim, like someone had thrown him into ice, and suddenly he felt cold.

He barely registered Palpatine speaking, felt nothing as his master uttered his death sentence. It was no surprise, Palpatine had always wanted to replace him. His defeat at Mustafar had left him a disappointment. And in letting himself be defeated again, one that could now finally be rectified.

He supposed he should feel resentment at that. But his eyes just kept returning to Luke. It was fitting somehow, that this was how it would end. That he would die at the hands of his own son. For a moment, he closed his eyes. He had not expected to feel so numb in the face of his own death. But lying there, he realised just how weary he was. For how long, had he craved release?  Always? But he already knew the answer, since that faithful moment, since _her._

He wouldn’t bother to get up. No, he would remain here, on the floor of this cold mechanical structure. Though he had never liked it, it only now occurred to how similar they were. Cold and dead on the outside, but inside a heart of pure fire. One only ever unleashed to destroy.

And now it was finally his turn to be vaporised. But when nothing happened he opened his eyes. Luke was standing completely still, staring down at his clenched hand, before his gaze shifted to Vader’s broken stump. Following Luke eyes, he looked down at the exposed wiring, resisting the urge to pull it back, to cover it with his cloak. To hide it from those eyes. _His own eyes, he had given him those, hadn’t he? He must have._

An expression he didn’t not understand, swept across Luke’s face. Before he turned from him. Turned form him as he always should have. He almost stretched his intact arm after him, before he stopped himself, surprised by the impulse. Perhaps it was being robbed of his own death, that had driven the impulse. But no, that was a lie. He knew it was. But the truth, that he would deny.

Defiantly Luke threw his lightsaber at emperor’s feet. Vader frowned, staring at the back of Luke’s head in confusion. What was he doing? Didn’t he understand? At least this way, he would live.

Luke straightened and spoke. But the words. Oh, those word, they were not what he had expected. Desperately he tried to shut them out. To fight them off.  He didn’t want to hear this. He was no jedi, he was nothing to be proud off. Neither was Anakin, he was _gone._ He meant nothing, he was nothing.

Yet, he could not hold at them at bay, they cut as deep as any lightsaber ever could. But he knew they were suicide. Because although they stunned him, they did little more than antagonise the emperor. Vader pushed himself up right, just as Luke fell to the first flash of lightning. Dully he stared down at Luke’s agonized face. The realisation of how much he had hoped it didn’t have to end this way, hit him in the gut hard enough, to leave him feeling disorientated.  

In between the flashes of light, he could see Luke’s hand reaching for him, calling to him even now. Looking for mercy, where there was none. He wished he would stop.

 _She_ had called for him too once, but it had been a whisper. One last plea, and he hadn’t listened, because he was no saviour.  He had saved none of them. No, he had destroyed them. All of them. All who mattered.  Crushed them beneath his boot, like they were nothing. But not Luke. Not yet, but soon. Because he was the one that brought him here, and now he would die.

Uncomfortable he looked away, over at his master. What he saw there, made the last remnants of his heart lurch. This was it, this was the end. The emperor was not playing anymore. Unable to stop it, he looked down again, drawn in by Luke’s cries.

Foolish boy. Why hadn’t he just run? Why had he come here?

_He came for you._

Why? Why would anyone come for him? None of it made any sense. He squeezed his eyes shut, Luke’s screams hurt his ears, digging their way into his brain. Then his pain followed, and for a brief instant it became his, because Luke was a part of him, he was a part of her. He was the child they had both wanted. A child that against all odds, against all sense and reason, loved him. _Him!_

A strange feeling hummed through his body, igniting his blood. Its warmth felt familiar.  He felt it invade his mind, pushing everything else out of its way. His hate was no match for it. It burned through it, leaving him behind blinded.

He blinked, as he heard Luke calling to him again. Not to Vader.  Not to Anakin. But to his _father._

To _him._ Because he was Luke’s father, whatever else he had let himself become.

Not hesitating he reached forward. Even with only one hand, his master, this man who had dominated his life for so long, weighed nothing now. His hold over him shattered. He lifted him high, the crackling lighting crawled down his spine, the smell of burnt circuits reaching his nostrils. But it didn’t matter, only one thing mattered. The boy. His son. Her son. Their son.

Somehow, it seemed there was some fire left in him yet. But this was a different kind of flame, one that sought to warm, to cherish not to destroy. So, he pushed through, ignoring Palpatine cold touch. Against the roaring in his blood, it no longer had any power over him. And with one hand movement, he threw Palpatine into the shaft. A lifetime of servitude, over in one single act.

Beneath him, his knees gave out, and he fell forward, wheezing. As he stared down at Palpatine’s falling form, he felt almost bereft. But not out of sorrow. He hated him, almost as much as he hated himself. Yet, for so many years Palpatine had been all he had left, after he had destroyed everything else. When with a flash of light, he was at last gone to. It occurred to him just how pointless this had all been. But no, that was not true. He had always known. And in knowing, hated even more. Revelled in his pain fuelled fury.

But no more, now there was no rage to keep the pain at bay, it came at him from all angles, unrelenting and unforgiving.  Beneath the onslaught, he gasped for breath, the taste of blood filling his mouth. In some ways, he felt like he was back on the operating table, being pulled apart, then reshaped into something new. Or was into something old? A remnant of what he had once been. But it was just a piece, a broken piece. One last speck of dust, insignificant and empty.

There was a ringing in his ears, amplified by the alarm booming through the throne room. But through it all, only one sound called out to him. It was a pathetic sound, little more than a whimper. But he heard it, as loud as any shout.

“Luke,” he called back, but silence was his only reply. Carefully he tried to turn around, but his body refused to move. It ached. The pain flowed from every part of him, machine as well as flesh, culminating in his chest. In his heart. A crushing pain he had not allowed himself to feel in years.

Yet, this was not the time for sorrow.

With a heave, he rolled onto his side. Luke was lying motionless where he had fallen. For a moment, he panicked.  But then he saw the steady rise and fall of his son’s chest, felt his soothing presence through the force. It felt familiar. It felt like _her._ For so long, he had tried to ignore it. To drown it out. But instead it had drawn him out. Beckoned him with its light. Even as its touch burned, he had wanted it. Craved it. He could not let it flicker and die now.

Coughing he called for Luke again. But inside his chest, his lungs constricted desperately seeking air, making it hard to speak.

He had to get him out of here. Or this would have been all for nothing. And it couldn’t be.  Just this once, let him not be too late.

He tried to calm himself, to make every breath count. To make it mean something.  Slowly he dragged himself over to Luke’s unconscious form. “Luke,” he said, shaking the boy gently, but there was no response. Grabbing him by the shoulder, he tried again, harder this time. “You have to go Luke.”

In the background the alarm was still ringing, increasing in pitch as it reinforced the urgency of their predicament. There was no time, he had failed again. His body sagged forward, his feet entangling in his cape. How could he have failed again?

Just then something rolled across the decking hitting his leg. Dazed he looked down. It was Luke’s lightsaber. He picked it up, studying it as he had done earlier that night. It was pride, he had felt then, he knew that now. Carefully he clipped it on to Luke’s belt. A jedi should always have his lightsaber. Someone had told him that once.

Because Luke was a jedi. Like his father before him. A truth he had long forgotten. But he remembered now. He remembered everything.

With a deep breath, he reached inside himself again, drawing on the power that was so much a part of him, dark or light. But this time, the warm feeling that greeted him, was not one of hate. With another breathe he let it in, hoping it strength would be enough. It had to be. Using his remaining hand, he turned Luke around, before leaning his shoulder as far down to the floor as possible, and pushed him onto his shoulder.

How he did it, he didn’t know, but somehow, he managed to stagger to his feet. Fortunately, Luke was not very heavy. He was small for someone so strong, just like his mother had been. In the end, it turned out, in spite of all his power he was the weak one, he always had been.   

When he straightened, the world around him started spin, and he almost fell back down. He felt nauseous, his vision darkening around the edges. But he shook it off, he was not dead yet.

Clearing his mind, he took his first step. The only way out was the hangar. So, he walked. Concentrating on one thing, and one thing only, his next step. Then the next one after that.

When he reached the hangar, he staggered into the nearest shuttle, dropping Luke on to the floor unceremoniously. Another bruise or two was nothing compared to what he already done to the boy. What mattered now, was to get him out of there. To keep him safe.

Dragging himself to the pilot’s seat, he had to shake his head several times to prevent himself from losing consciousness.  He blinked, forcing air into his lungs, then pulled the shuttle up and out. Just as he passed through the hanger shield, there was a bright flash, and the death star exploded behind them. It was gone, its heart burnt out. But somehow his was still beating.

He tightening his grip around the steering, though it was not muscle or bone, the touch was enough to keep him awake. Quickly he turned the shuttle down towards the moon.

Finding the first opening among the trees, he pushed downward.  Realising the ground was approaching much too quickly, he tried to pull up, but the shuttle hit the ground with a heavy thud, making his bones rattle.

There was a sudden clunking sound, he blinked, staring down at the buttons in front of him. But it was hard to focus, they were close, to close. Only then, did he realise his head had fallen forward onto the panel.

He closed his eyes, he could just stay here, it was a good a place as any to die. He had done what he had needed to do. Luke was safe now, sooner or later someone would find him. Stubbornly he forced his eyes open. But what if it was later? What if he died here, and no one found Luke? What if Luke never woke up?

His head felt too heavy for his neck as he lifted it. Wheezing he slid down from the pilot’s seat onto the decking, landing in a heap by Luke’s head. To his relief, Luke was still alive. Although he showed no signs of waking up.

He tilted his head, staring down at his son. Perhaps he would just sit here in the quiet, and watch him until help arrived.

More than anything he wished he could take the mask of, to finally allow himself to really look at his son. But even through the visor, he could see that the boy’s features were pleasant. His hair was dark blond, as his own had once been. Luke was also brave.  He felt his lips twitch in a small smile, and probably slightly insane, if today was anything to go by. But above all that, his son was good.

His smiled faded, he had also been good once, he vaguely remembered that. But then he hadn’t been anymore. He had just been empty. Cruel. Cold. He should not be anywhere near anything good. Not anymore.

Selfishly he wanted to reach out a hand, and touch Luke anyway. Though there was no real hand to touch with, no flesh and blood with which to truly feel. But it was all he had. So, he reached out, and touched his son anyway. In a way, he never had. Not since he had rested safely in his mother’s womb, though even then they had been separated.

So here, in the wreck of an imperial shuttle, for the first time ever, he touched his son with kindness. With a feeling, he now recognised as love. He thought about the other one then, the sister. Did she know? Did she know what he was? What he had done? Surely, she must do. Luke would have told her. Yet even faced with her certain condemnation, he wished he had been able to see her, if only once.

Beneath his hand, Luke’s chest rose and fell in a quiet rhythm. It was strange to be so close. To finally touch his child, even if it was only through metal and wiring. Luke didn’t seem to be in any pain, in fact he looked strangely peaceful. His smiled returned.  If he wanted anything for his son, it was that. To know peace. Love.

He let his hand rest there, just above his son’s heart, feeling his own beat a sluggish response.  Somehow, his sons unwavering heart had awakened his own, and now it would not stop aching. It refused to go back to the dark recess he had put it in, and he was starting to realise he didn’t want it to. A broken heart, it turned out, was better than no heart at all. Lulled by its quiet beat, he closed his eyes.

“Anakin?” Someone whispered softly. The sound seemed to come from nowhere, and everywhere at the same time. Startled, he looked up, eyes scanning the room. “What? Who is there?”

When he saw no one, he shook his head, regretting it instantly as he felt the sudden need to throw up. For a moment, he must have lost consciousness. Or, perhaps the lack of air was causing his mind to fail. Because he was pretty sure he was not dead yet. No, he hurt too much to be dead.

Below his hand, Luke was still breathing, but it was starting to feel slightly fainter.  He frowned, surely someone should have found them by now? Making up his mind, he leaned forward again, lifting Luke back onto his shoulder.

Lowering the ramp, he walked slowly into the forest. It was dark now, the trees casting shadows on his already darkening vison. But somewhere ahead he saw the steady flicker of lights.

Focused on those pin pricks of light, he walked. There were trees all around him, when he felt it. A prodding sensation, he stopped, opening himself to its touch.

Someone was searching. It was untrained but focused. Focused on one person alone, Luke. _Her_. The sister. It had to be.  Carefully, as not to frighten her, he tried to reach out in response, but the presence recoiled from his touch. He swallowed hard at the rejection, trying to moisten his dry throat. It was silly really, this feeling, it was what he deserved after all. And it’s was not like he wouldn’t have recoiled from him as well. Any rational being would.

He cast a fond look at the head of the irrational being he was carrying, and forced his legs to move. Ahead of him, the lights grew in strength. Yet, by now he had to squint to be able to make them out. Almost tripping over a fallen tree trunk, he swayed on his feet. Biting down on his lip hard, he tasted blood, but the pain brought him back from his daze for the time being. Although he knew he would not be able to keep this up for much longer. He felt tired, weary in to what remained of his bones. What he wanted, was to lay down and rest. Too just give in and fall.

But then he felt it again, that presence. Carefully searching, her worry assaulted him. She was still looking for Luke, and that at least, he could give her. Even if it was the last thing he ever did.

She was out there, by the lights, he was sure of it. So, he pushed ahead, until he finally he saw her.  Standing alone in front of a circle or torches, the light illuminating her, she stood proudly, as if waiting for them. The light made her long brown hair glow in his darkening vision. He focused in on that light, like a lifeline.

He had called her mother an angel once, long before he even knew what that was. But then he had seen one, on Iego.  They were strange beings that glowed with an inner light of their own. He supposed that was why people were drawn to them, because people were drawn to the light. Once he had been to. To her mother’s light. Until his very presence had sniffed that light out. He bit his lip again, wanting the pain. Somehow, here right in front of him some of it remained. Glowing so bright he didn’t want to look directly at it, yet found himself unable to look away.

When he got close enough, to see her face clearly, he nearly tripped over his feet.  Had he been able to breathe, he would have laughed at the terrible irony of it all. Here he had hoped to see his daughter just once before he died. And now that it turned out that he already had, he wished for her sake, he had never laid eyes on her.

The princess. Off course it was. It couldn’t have been anyone he had hurt any less. Let that be his punishment, for all he had done. But the problem with that, is that it also became hers. And she had done nothing to deserve it, even if he had.

She glared at him, and although she was not her mother’s mirror image, in the way she held herself, so proud so strong, he saw Padme. And now that he had, it could not be unseen. How he had not seen it before was beyond him.

She was his daughter, she had to be, this stubborn princess. What was her name again? His mind felt groggy, making it difficult to think. But it came to him then.  Leia. It was Leia.

A crowd was gathering all around him, and he could feel the rising hostility. They were all holding their breaths, as if he would pounce at any moment. But he had no anger left, he had nothing left. Except the son, he was holding, and the daughter in front of him. The rest of the crowd faded to nothing, because all he could see now, was her.

Until the smuggler came running up next to her, blaster held high, getting ready to shoot. For his sake, he would welcome oblivion, but the blast might hurt Luke. And by now his strength was all gone, if Solo took the shot, he would be unable to stop it.

To his relief, Leia noticed Luke, and stopped Solo from attacking.

It was over then, he was done. Luke would be safe here. With his last strength, he moved closer. Leia tensed at his approach, her eyes narrowing dangerously in warning.

When he took another faltering step towards her, her eyes remained fixed on him, but she did not back away.  It occurred to him then, she never had.  There was a strength in her eyes, just like in Luke’s, a strength he himself had never possessed.

Up close, the light from the torches made them sparkle with reddish brown fire, as defiant and fearless as when he had first captured her.

Unable to look at her anymore, he stared down at his boots. Why there was suddenly four of them, he didn’t know. 

Her eyes had also been defiant when he tortured her. But then they had also been wide with fright, like he had wanted them to be. He had wanted to crush her, the vague similarity to Padme had just made him hate her even more.

She had had no right to those eyes. Padme’s eyes. All four of his legs started to shake, and he shivered. He felt so cold, so very cold.  Because the thing was, she had every right. He was the thief here. The thief of lives. Her mother’s life. While they had both rested in her womb, where they should have been safe, would have been safe, if not for him.

That if anything robbed him of his last breath.

Afraid he might hurt Luke when he fell, he lowered Luke as gentle as he could to the ground, at his sister feet. Resting his hand on his son’s shoulder for a moment, he let himself feel the aching regret, he had denied for so long. It should not have been this way, it was not what he had wanted, all those years ago, when he first learned he was going to be a father.

But he had nothing he could give them now. Except one thing. At least dead, he could never harm either of them ever again.

Letting go of Luke, he finally allowed himself to look at her again. So, the last thing he saw before the world faded away, was the face of the daughter, he had never known. And now never would.


	36. Teach Me

Leia followed closely, as Maz led her down a gravelly path, towards a set of abandoned stone buildings, tucked away among the trees. “Thank you again for this,” she said earnestly, as they fell into step with each other. “I don’t know many people that would have helped us. If any.”

Looking up, Maz focused her deep-set eyes on Leia’s face. Ancient eyes, that bore straight through her. It was rather disconcerting, but Leia did not to look away, she had nothing to be ashamed of. That what _they_ had wanted, for her to feel shame. Unconsciously she gritted her teeth. Even now, she could feel the council member’s hostile stares on her, like an uncomfortable itch.  It was a satisfaction she refused to give them. She met Maz’s eyes head on. It was one she refused to give anyone.

Maz frowned slightly at her expression. “There is no need for that. The chosen one’s work is not yet done,” she said. “But as you already know, most will not see that way.”

Leia found no hostility on Maz face, only understanding. In fact, she had been nothing but understanding, ever since they had showed up here, with their rather dubious cargo. It made Leia feel slightly foolish for her overreaction. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to relax.

She nodded, managing a smile instead. “I do. But it’s done, there is no turning back now.”

Maz gave a thoughtful nod, before they continued down the hill in silence. Soon the top of Kian’s ship became visible beneath the canopy of trees.

Maz stopped. “We all have our part to play Leia, and you will find yours,” she said softly. “It might not have been the one you wanted, but it’s the one that’s lies ahead of you.”

“Perhaps,” she replied dully. “I just wish the choice had truly been mine.”

“Dear child,” Maz lifted her goggles to the side, eyes mild as they looked up at her. Lifting a small hand, she pointed down towards a dark figure seated on a bench, in the shade of a small stone hut. “You are not the first one, thrown into a role you did not want. And you will not be the last. “

In the sharp sunlight, Leia squinted down at the figure. But there was really no need, she already knew who it was. She knew it in the same way, she knew Luke was close by.  

Just like Luke, she felt him more strongly than anyone else. Perhaps it was because they were all powerful in the force. Or simply because they were family, always connected by blood, now by something more. Though when it came to her father, she was still not sure what that meant. Perhaps she never would. It was simply what it was. Maybe that was enough. It would have to be.

She started to move away, but Maz grabbed her hand, gently twisting her back around. “The force flows through all of us. In those as powerful as you, the shadow is always a threat. But remember, it’s not our blood that condemns us, but our actions. And they are always all our own.”

Leia frowned down at her, “That’s what I am afraid of,” she admitted.

Maz gently patted her hand. “Don’t be. It’s the light that calls to you, not the dark. Just listen and you will know the difference.”

Leia swallowed, managing a tight smile in response.  Maz returned the smile, but Leia noticed, it did not quite reach those ancient eyes. Eyes that had no doubt seen a great deal of the past. As they gazed up at her now, Leia got a distinct feeling, that perhaps like her, they might have seen some of the future. A future that might turn out to be as bleak, as the one they had just managed to destroy. And she could not help but wonder, if that was the case, if they had truly won at all.

“I will try,” she replied. Lifting her head, she stared over at her father again, he was still seated motionless on the bench. From here, he looked harmless. But she remembered. She would always remember. The ruthlessness, the cruelty. The anger.

As she moved, her lightsaber bumped up against her thigh, reminding her of its weight, of the burden of her blood.  Good men did fall, she knew that. And when they did, they fell as far, as they once had soared. And there was no denying the rage that lived within her own heart. If she chose to do this, she had no idea what would keep her from falling. From following in her father’s footsteps.

“Maz, “she asked, as some of Maz’s earlier words returned to her. Words she had heard her speak once before. “Who, or what is the chosen one?”

Maz tilted her head, casting a meaningfully glance over at Anakin.  “That is not my tale to tell. It’s your father’s, “she replied, giving Leia’s hand one last squeeze, before pushing her gently in the direction of the bench. “Go now child. We will speak again soon.”

Reluctantly Leia made her way down towards Anakin. He had left his hood down, and from this angle, she could see the ragged scar that went across his bald head, cutting into his pale flesh. It was impossible to look at him now, without also remembering what they had witnessed in the prison tomb. Agony beyond comprehension.  Acts beyond forgiveness. Yet, this man was her blood. Her father. Even now, that thought was strange to her. Unreal.

He looked up at her approach, eyes crinkling at corners as he smiled.  “Leia,” he said warmly.

She hesitated, suddenly feeling very awkward. When she had left, he had still been out of it, barely even breathing. But in the end, it seemed nothing could kill this man. Once, that would have caused her no end of grief, now she was glad at his persistence.

And he had done it all for her.

That uncomfortable thought, made her look away beneath his gentle scrutiny, instead focusing her attention on the grass beneath her feet.   Twisting her white boots into dirt, she resisted the temptation to kick at a tuft of grass, just by the foot of the bench.

The last time they had spoken, she had called out to him like a frightened child. Like a little girl. But she was no child, she was a grown woman, responsible for her own actions.  And now she couldn’t help, but to some extent, feel responsible for him as well. After all, he was only here because of her.

She pretended to study the tip of her boot, it was so small in comparison to his black ones. It hadn’t occurred to her until this very moment, that reaching for him in the way she had, would make her feel small in other ways. Small and exposed, in a way that had nothing to do with size. If he wished, he could hurt her now. Hurt her, in a way he had never been able to do before. A stranger for a father hurting her was one thing, one that knew her was another. And now it would be her fault if he did, because she would had have given him the tools to do so. Her trust.

She bit the inside of her cheek. His large boots did not move from their spot on the grass, they didn’t even twitch. Nor did he say anything, she almost wished he would. But she knew he was waiting, waiting for her. The only thing left to do, was hope her trust in him was not misplaced.

“So,” she started uncertainly, before dropping down onto the bench next to him. Clearing her throat, she finally looked up at him. “You look a lot better.”

Anakin gave her another small smile, easing some of her tension. He was still pale, but there was a warmth in his eyes she had not seen before, that gently offered her comfort without words.

Whatever her mother had told him, it had lit him anew. But the bottomless sadness still lingered there, behind his smile.  She felt it, as much as she saw it, and she was no stranger to sadness. They had that in common at least. That, and the rage. Although he seemed to have been able to let his go, she had no idea if she could. Not entirely. That was too much to ask.

“I do feel a lot better, thanks to your good doctor,” he replied.

“That’s good,” she replied, fiddling with the fabric of her white trousers.

“Were you with the rebels?” he asked, after another awkward pause.

Her head snapped up. “The alliance, “she said sharply. “And now, the new republic.”

Anakin grimaced. “Sorry Leia, it’s just an old habit,” he replied, rather sheepishly. 

She relaxed her suddenly stiff shoulders, letting out a breath she didn’t even know she had been holding. It seemed, he was not the only one giving in to old habits.  After having spent most of her life hating this man, these new emotions, whatever they were, defined or undefined, left her feeling confused.

Anakin on the other hand looked relaxed, one of his hands resting on the moss covered stone by his thigh.  It was only then, she realised he wasn’t wearing gloves.

He noticed her stare. “Hideous, isn’t it?” he asked, lifting his hand fletching the metal fingers in the sunlight.

She lifted her eyes to study his face. His metal skeleton, the scars, they all made him to recognizable.  Though luckily, not many people had ever seen his face.

“We could get that covered up?” she asked carefully.

He gave her an odd look. “I don’t like pretence,” he said, tapping the fingers against the stone surface. “Nothing can change what I am. You may cover it up, but you can never truly hide what’s underneath.”

“It’s not about hiding,” she protested rather weakly. Before she had always seen him as a brute, as an enforcer of someone else’s will. But there was a shrewd intelligence behind those blue eyes.

“Isn’t it?” he asked, as they narrowed slightly at her, searching her face intently. “Whatever it is, it’s certainly about deception. What have you done Leia?”

She gave him an angry glare, “What I had to.”

“And that is exactly? I am no fool– “his metal hand pointed to the forest surrounding them. “And this is certainly no alliance prison.”

Leia shifted her glare over to Luke, who was seated next to Ahsoka, beneath the shade of a large tree, chatting happily.

“Luke didn’t tell you, did he? Typical,” she sighed, before muttering under her breath, “Leaves it to me to take the blame, does he? I suppose this is what it’s like to have a sibling.”

When she turned back to Anakin, he looked more amused than angry at her outburst. She bristled. “I don’t know why you are upset with me. Your free. I would think you would prefer that, to imprisonment.”

“I’ll never be free. Not in this life at least,” he said softly, avoiding her gaze for a moment, before shaking his head. “But this isn’t about me. Or what I want.  And even if was. What I want, is to never hurt you again.” He looked so sincere, she swallowed.

“I know that.”

His expression softened, and he continued in a gentler tone. “If this is discovered, all they will ever see you as is Darth Vader’s accomplice, there will be no going back. That’s the very last thing I would want for you.”

Something inside her snapped, and she flew to her feet, turning to stand before him.  For once taller then, he was. “They already do!” she bit out, unable to hold back her bitterness. He flinched. “To the galaxy all I am now, is Darth Vader’s spawn. “She held a hand to her face, blocking out the light, the bitterness. Not wanting to see his grief-stricken face. Or for him to see hers, “So, tell me, in the end what does it matter?”

He bowed his head. “Please don’t call yourself that.”

Her anger faded, at the sorrow in his voice. “I am sorry,” she said, not quite sure why she apologizing to him, of all people. Faced with their glares, their suspicion, she had wanted to lash out at the council, at all of them. But her dignity hadn’t allowed it. Yet here she was, doing it in front of him.

Again.

He seemed to bring it out in her. She dropped her hand, as another more unsettling thought hit her. Perhaps it was because he made it so easy. He listened to all of it, endlessly patient. He was doing, as she was starting to realise, exactly what she had known he would.   But this was all still to odd, their relationship still too raw. She almost took a step back at the revelation, but his quiet voice stopped her.

“Never apologize to me Leia, you owe me nothing.”

At his words, she sank back down on to the bench instead, dropping her head into her hands. “I know. It’s just... I am just so tired of being angry,” she admitted. “Of being angry at them, for their judgement. Of being angry at you,” her breath hitched in her throat, as another unwanted truth surfaced. “I am tired of hating you, of forcing myself to hate you.  And now hating myself for not hating you enough. I can’t do it anymore.” She twisted away from him, focusing on tree somewhere in the distance, its vivid green colours blurring before her eyes. Angrily she blinked.

“Leia, “he said softly, as cold fingers gently touched her hand, where it was now resting on the bench, besides his. From the corner of her eyes, she saw where his fingers touched her skin. Metal to flesh.

“You don’t have to. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said gently. But when he saw her stare, he retracted, as if he had just realised what he had done. She almost reached after him. To bring it back. It was an odd sensation, and still so foreign to them both.

He cleared his throat, resting his hand in his lap instead. “And in the end, it does matter Leia. The revelation of your parentage is not only news to you, but to everyone. You have to give them time to adjust.”

“Now you sound like Luke.”

He smiled sadly at that.” I wish that was true.”

“Perhaps you are both right. Yet– “she hesitated, unclipping her lightsaber from her belt, she held in her open palm.

“I fear it won’t matter in the end, none of what we have achieved will. After all this, it was all for nothing,” she said bitterly, unable to help it her fear spilling out. The warm sun caressed her skin, trying to warm her, but it reached only skin deep. She was so tired, after having used all her willpower to rid herself of one nightmare, she didn’t know if she had the strength to face another. Not alone at least.

Anakin stayed quiet for a while, but she could almost feel him thinking. “So, you did have a vison. I feared as much.”

Leia nodded, forcing herself, she turned back to his honest face. “Most of it is fading. But I have only ever felt such horror in my life once. When I watched Alderaan burn. And all I know, is that I need you to help me. This cannot happen again. I won’t allow it!”

His eyes were gentle, earnest as they searched hers, “You know I will help you Leia, however I can. But basing your life on fear of what might happen, is no way to live. One look at me should tell you that.”

“It’s not a vision of might happen, that wants us dead, now is it?” she snapped, feeling suddenly defensive, her hand tightened around her lightsaber.  “Someone very real tried to kill Luke, and you.”

“I know, and we will figure out the truth. But we won’t do so guided by fear,” he continued in a gentle tone, seemingly unfazed by her ire. “Sometimes, we can’t stop bad things from happening, no matter how much we may want to. You are not responsible for any of it Leia. Help if you can, if you want to. But there is a world of difference between helping, and carrying everything on your own shoulders. That is too heavy for anyone to carry. Even someone as strong as you.”

“I do know that,” she replied. “But tell me, what is the point of it then? Why do I see these things if I am not meant to do anything about them?”

“I honestly don’t know, “Anakin said quietly. He seemed to hesitate, looking down into his lap. “To me, your mother’s death was not a vision, it was a certainty. And it drove me mad.”

Leia had to strain to hear his softly spoken word. He did his best, but she knew Padme was still a sore subject. “That’s what you saw in your vison wasn’t it? Her death,” she asked. Although she already knew the answer.

His pain flared at her question, and she drew back on instinct, he didn’t seem to notice, lost in his own thoughts for a moment.

“Every night. Over, and over again. Unrelenting, unending,” he said in a hoarse whisper, shaking his head slightly. “I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. All I could hear every time I closed my eyes, was her calling to me, begging for my help.” His eyes flew to hers, and beneath the pain, Leia saw a determination there she recognized, another thing they shared.

“I was willing to do anything. Kill anyone to make it stop. Just to silence her screams, to keep her safe.” He lifted his right hand, clenching it into a loose fist. “You have seen with your own eyes how well that ended.” 

He dropped his hand, squeezing his eyes shut, before whispering. “In the end, it was my fear that destroyed her.”

Leia said nothing, just watched him as he drew in a deep breath, sagging in on himself slightly.

When he opened the again, they seared right through her with their intensity. “Do not let fear destroy you too. Please.”

Unable to look at him anymore, she twirled the lighsaber in her hands. Playing with the button, but she didn’t turn it on. Maybe the best thing would be if she threw it away.  “There is so much anger in me,” she began uncertainly.

Anakin said nothing just watched with his kind sad eyes. They both knew he saw it in her, perhaps as an echo of himself. Her anger, her rage, but most of all her fear.

A beam of sunlight hit the sabers shiny surface, making it sparkle. It was new, untainted. But she wasn’t. “I believe that through politics, through thought, we make a better future. Not with weapons, and violence.”

Anakin seemed to relaxed a bit at her words.  “Now you sound so much like your mother.”

She smiled at that. “Perhaps, but I am also like you. I will fight when I have too. And perhaps even when I don’t,” she admitted.

Anakin leaned back against the stone wall. “You know, your mother would fight when she had to as well, make no mistake about that. “

He studied her for a long moment,” Leia, will you tell me what is really bothering you? If not me, then Luke. Or Han.”

She opened her hand, staring at the saber. ““It’s this. No matter where I turn, it always comes back to this. This gift, or curse, whatever it is. And I am not like Luke,” she bent her head, before pushing the words out on a whisper. “I am afraid of it. Of what it could do to me.” She looked up at him. “Of what it could make me into. “There it was, it was done, she had said it. Speaking the words felt like easing a burden.  She had never said it out loud, not even to Luke. Though she knew he suspected that was one of the reasons she had turned down his offer to train her.  

“I know you are Leia,” Anakin replied. She searched his face but found no trace of mockery.

He smiled sadly. “In some ways, it would be stranger if you weren’t afraid. I have made sure of that.“

She rose from the bench. “I would throw this thing away, and never look at it again if I could. But I can’t can I? This power is a part of me whether I want it to be or not.  And I meant what I said, I will not stand by and watch this happen again. And if this is the way to best help. Then so be it.”

Making her mind up, she held the saber out towards him. “Will you teach me?”

He hesitated, making no move to take it.  “Luke could do that, Leia.”

“I know that. But I want you to.”  When he said nothing, she spoke again. “Are you not supposed to be the best after all?”

“At killing perhaps,” he replied bitterly.

Now she was the one to hesitate, “That’s not why I want you to be the one to teach me, and you know it, “she turned away from him, feeling exposed again.  “You know. You understand. More than Luke does.”

She heard a rustling sound behind her, as he moved. And then he was standing in front of her. He touched her shoulder, in a firm but gentle grip. “I do understand. But I also know, in the end, the only one that can keep your rage in check, is yourself. I cannot do it for you.”

She looked up at him. “So, you won’t help me then?”

“I didn’t say that. But I won’t lie to you either. This path is dangerous for someone as angry as you are.”

She tried to push him off, “So, you think I will end up like you after all. That’s why you don’t want to teach me?”

He let her go, but held his hand out. “No, you are a lot smarted than me, for one. I refused to talk to anyone about what was bothering me. So, I will make you a deal.” Her saber flew from her hand into his. “If you keep talking. I will. To me to Luke, to anyone. Just don’t try to do it alone. Promise me that.”

She nodded. “I promise,”

That seemed to satisfy him and he smiled, giving her the saber back. She clipped it onto her belt.

“Good. Although I warn you, I am rusty at this. Like I am at everything else,” he looked over his shoulder towards Ahsoka, “I haven’t trained anyone in a very long time.”

“That reminds me, I brought you something,” she said. Digging into her pocket, she pulled out the strand of beads, holding her hand out towards him. He didn’t move.  “Take it,” she insisted. “I had thought to give them to Ahsoka myself, but somehow I think you should be the one to do it.”

He eyed the beads dubiously, a flash of old hurt flickering in his eyes. It was brief but she noticed it all the same.

“She is here,” she said, pointing over towards the tree. “She is right here, despite everything. At least try, to make an effort. For her sake, if you can’t for your own.”

Anakin looked her in the eyes now, but still made no move to take them from her.

Exasperated she reached forward and grabbed his hand, and pushed the beads onto the mechanical palm. “Don’t be stubborn. Take them.”

When she let go, his clasped his hand shut. Judging by his expression, it looked to her, like he was holding a poisonous snake. Not a harmless set of beads.

Anakin gazed back across the clearing, towards Ahsoka. “There are some moments in your life that feel monumental. That make an impact, that stays with you forever. Good or bad.” He turned and looked her straight in the eyes. “I think you more than most, know what I mean.”

Leia looked down, swallowing hard at his words. The loss of Alderaan still hurt, it would always hurt. Yet, the ache had dulled somewhat. Her living nightmare finally over. But she knew it would never truly fade. Some scars simply ran to deep. But she would learn to live with it, she had to let go. For her own sake.

Anakin unclenched his hand, his thumb caressing the beads gently. “This is such a little thing in comparison to all that. Yet to me, at that moment in my life, it felt like everything. Like another thing taken from me, another person that abandoned me,” he laughed bitterly, “I was such a selfish creature. Making it all about me, when it wasn’t. Had I been any wiser I would have seen that, and not taken it as a personal insult.” His voice trailed off, and he bent his head. “Or another failure.”

“You are talking about when Ahsoka left the order?” she asked.

He nodded. “After she was proven innocent. I asked her to stay. Offering her these very beads,” he hesitated.  “She refused them. I suppose I only kept them in some faint hope, she would return to the Jedi one day,” he shook his head ruefully. “No that isn’t true. Not to the jedi. To me.”

“You are afraid,” she whispered, as it dawned on her. The reason for his hurt, his fear. “You’re afraid, she will reject you again.”

His head snapped up. “Am I?” he stared at the beads in disbelief, “Perhaps I am.”

“Give them to her now,” she told him. “Believe me, she will take them.”

“How do you know?”

She arched an eyebrow. “For someone so smart, you can be incredibly stupid.”

“Now, that _is_ true,” he agreed, “Or else, I doubt I would have ended in this mess to start with.”

Leia shrugged, “If emotions were rational, we would all be machines. It seems to me, your head wasn’t the problem, as much as your heart.”

Dubiously he looked down at himself, “Perhaps, but that doesn’t excuse anything.”

She nodded. “I know, and don’t look to me for absolution.”

A sad expression crossed his face, but he nodded. “I never will Leia. Not from anyone. Least of all you.”

Uncomfortable she glanced away. “The way I see it, Ahsoka is as foolish as my brother. She loves you anyway, regardless of all you have done.”

After a moment, she glared back at him, “I will never understand how you do that, make people care for you, despite the fact you were literally their worst enemy.”

Anakin cocked his head, but said nothing. He did not bring up the words she had spoken to him, in their vison. When exhaustion, and fear of losing another person, had gripped her. Nor did he press, or ask her for anything. And for that she was grateful.

“No one is as surprised as me, as that particular turn of events, “he said finally. She heard the smile in his voice, before she saw it.

“Well, maybe except for you.”

At his words, she smiled despite of herself. “Come, let’s go,”

He nodded. The mid-afternoon sun was getting warmer, she glanced up at Anakin’s pale face. At this rate, he would get a sun burn. “At least put the hood back up.”

He lifted his head to the sun, closing his eyes. “No, I think I like it this way.”

“Suit yourself, but it’s your own fault if you burn.”

He turned towards her, opening his eyes.

“It always is Leia.”


End file.
